A First in a Long Time

Digital (top) was -, the O went away before I took a photo of
it.  The FR (middle) I think it is +, but they tend to always be,
not a good PCOS brand.  The Wondfos (bottom) are all +.

I'm probably going to trigger still.  

Yay to first time ovulating since early December.  

-Selbe

Ovulation?

AM OPKs - Negative, almost Positive & Positive

The First Response OPKs (bottom) is a positive in this photo.  However I took one 6 hours later and it was negative.  It seems like the ones in the morning are darker.  And then I remember I had this problem back in December too (month I got pregnant).  The Wondfo (middle) is almost positive, and the Clearblue (top) is negative.  This was the same thing at happened in December and I was unsure I even ovulated, 15 days later I got my BFP.

I also work up today with this clear fluid coming out of me.  I've never had cervical mucus before with any cycle.  This is an improvement.

My cervix went back to being soft.

My ovaries hurt occasionally.  Both right and left side, it switches.

However, CD12 is early to be showing signs of ovulation.  I'm normal a late O'ed, CD15-CD18.

-Selbe

Ovulation?

I'm going at ask for progesterone blood work for Friday morning.  I feel like crap, I think I really might of ovulated last Thursday.  I gave up on the OPKs and the Ovacue, it was CD43!  My boobs are slightly sore, back is in pain, head feel like I have a sinus infection (without the pain), snotty nose, dizzy, new zits all over the face, nauseous and the only thing I wanted to eat today was mint chocolate chip ice cream.  I don't even like that kind of ice cream!

It's been seven weeks since my D&C, still no period.  In fact my LMP is still mid-November.

My two week wait from December, day before I found out I was pregnant.

-Selbe

Recap of the Year

The positive:  I've had more cycles this year than I've had in the past eight or so.  Between my PCOS, being drugged with birth control as birth control, and being drugged with birth control to "fix" me, I average about 4 cycles a year.  Which I probably never ovulated during.  The feminine hygiene products I've had to buy this year, wow.  I usually buy a box and I'm set for a year or two.  Fuck I still have stuff in my bathroom that is 5 or 10 years old that I need to go through and throw out.   

Cycle #1 - March 16th

First cycle off birth control to regulate my cycle, not as birth control.  Last time I was on birth control as birth control... I don't remember when that was.  But I did do a shot of Depo-Provera while my husband was deployed in 2009/2010.  Then realized that was a silly idea since Bean wasn't home anyways.  It was a spur of the moment idea while I was at Planned Parenthood for something else.  After Depo wore off and I got my period Bean was home.  We didn't try at pregnancy, or really prevent it.  After a couple months I decided to try and figure out when I ovulate.  However, my cycle was 7 months long which is not uncommon for me.  After a few useless doctors visits I decided to ask my new OBGYN for Clomid, something I read about on the Internet for women like me.  Clomid 50mg it was.  CD14, CD18, CD20 came and gone with no positive OPK.  I was given Provera to end the cycle.  No ovulation. My due date for this cycle was December 23rd, 2011.

Cycle #2 -  April 24th

I'm increased to Clomid 100mg.  I got a positive OPK around CD16, but it didn't result in pregnancy.  I got my period on my own.

Cycle #3 - May 22nd

Clomid 100mg again.  Another positive OPK for CD18.  But no pregnancy.  Period again arrived on it's own.  This is better than nothing.  My due date was February 29, 2011, Leap day.  It's sad I still remember all these due dates.

Cycle #4 - June 22nd

This is going to be my month!  Clomid 100mg again.  But no positive OPKs and my progesterone results came back extremely low.  My body stopped responding to 100mg.  More Provera for me.

Cycle #5 - July 29th

Increased to 150mg.  Ovulation scheduled for during our vacation, great!  Except my body also stopped responding to 150mg also.  I'm given Provera again and sent away to an RE.  An OBGYN can no longer help these ovaries.

Cycle #6 - September 16th

Lots of testing, no real baby making.  I started a herbal drug called Vitex expecting it not to work, 'til I surprisingly got my period after 31 days.

Cycle #7 - October 17th

More Vitex but no baby making due to lap surgery during around the time of ovulation.  However I got a positive OPK and the progesterone blood work came back great.

Cycle #8 - November 16th

Decides to give Vitex some more time before moving on to injectable like RE suggested.  Results in a BFP right before Christmas with a due date for August 25th, 2012.  Baby's heartbeat was lost about a month later.  

Cycle #9 - January 26th - Current

If the ovulation date I have is correct then I should get my period on February 29th.

-Selbe

Ovulation in the Future?

CD14

Or maybe just a false alarm?

Today would be CD14 today, from my surgery.  Which isn't accurate.  I don't think I'd actually ovulate this soon.  

My Ovacue is looking amazing.  Decreasing and increasing where it should be.  Almost perfect for someone with a regular cycle.  I figured it would be all over the place like an anovulatory cycle.  Right on time at CD14-ish.  Ovacue is telling me I am going to ovulate soon.  Darker the blue, closer to ovulation, 'til it turns pink/purple.  The falling purple dots (vagina sensor) tell so too.  If they start going up quickly then I've ovulated.

I decided to give an pregnancy test (HCG, pink) a try.  I didn't hold my pee in for an length of time, in fact I don't really know how long it was.  And I took it at night.  The pregnancy test had a faint positive, the lightest I've seen since December.  I decided to try an OPK (LH, blue).  Really positive.

This is probably a fake though.  I found this site about LH and hCG hormones and why my OPK is lieing to me right now.  OPK's as HPT's: using an ovulation test to confirm pregnancy:

"...OPK's detect LH (luteinizing hormone) which is the hormone associated with ovulation. Pregnancy tests detect hCG, the hormone associated with pregnancy. LH and hCG are, at a molecular level, nearly identical. hCG has a beta subunit, meaning it has an extra little "doodad." To use a stupid but easy to understand example, LH and hCG are identical twins, except that hCG wears a funny hat.

An OPK tests only for the part of the molecule that LH and hCG have in common (the "face" or "body" of the identical twins.)...

So an OPK will turn positive when it detects either of the "identical twins"-- ovulation or pregnancy hormone. 

The reverse is not true, however, because an HPT tests for the part of the molecule that is unique to hCG (the "hat.")...

Therefore, a pregnancy test will turn positive only in the presence of hCG, whereas an OPK will turn positive in the presence of hCG or LH. ...

Additionally, OPK's are not as sensitive as a lot of HPT's are. This means that, if pregnant, you are likely to get a positive HPT earlier than you would get a positive OPK. ...

...if you are comparing a sensitive (20 mIU) OPK to some less-sensitive HPT's (sensitive to 25-50 mIU) then yes, it's true an OPK may turn positive before an HPT. ... 

Finally, research has shown there are actually different kinds of hCG. In some cases (most common in early pregnancy, or in pregnancies with chromosomal abnormalities) the hCG molecule may become "nicked" or "cleaved" (partially or completely separating into its alpha and beta units.) Ovulation tests may not recognize (cross-react) with all types of hCG molecules, and may be falsely negative during pregnancy. ... 

At the end of the day, a positive result on an HPT means you are pregnant. A positive result on an OPK could mean you are near ovulation, pregnant, or the test is picking up an entirely different hormone or element. Or it may be negative even if a woman is pregnant. With a positive HPT there is no doubt; a positive OPK may provide a clue, but doesn't really give you an answer for sure. ...

...some women have experimented with the principle that an OPK, even if it's negative, will become increasingly darker if she is pregnant. ..."

Long story short my OPK is picking up on the lingering hCG and LH hormone in my body.  Not just the LH like it should.  Although there is a chance it is a true, or close to, true positive.  If it was positive and only picking up on LH and maybe a little hCG then it will get darker and darker over the next few days, then lighter and lighter.  If it was picking up on LH and hCG then it would just get lighter and lighter.  I don't think I have the patience to test it out so we will go with it as being a false positive.  I'll put more faith in the Ovacue or just wait for my period.

The bleeding from my D&C ended sometime last week.  Overall it was a lot less blood than I was expecting.  Today I noticed some brown spotting and tonight I'm having menstrual cramps.  I feel like I'm getting my period.  My D&C was two weeks ago.  Not sure if this is the lingering effect of the D&C, or my period coming early.  This is the most cramping I've had since the hours after surgery.  

Loki graduated from his puppy class.  He does have eyes, he's just scared of everything and closes them when the flash goes off.  The world is scary when you are only 3 months old.

-Selbe

The Good & What's Next

The Good Stuff:

• It's CD2, my body for the second cycle in a row has managed to get AF without Provera.
• A CD30 cycle.  Last cycle it was CD31.  (Normal is CD21-35, average is CD28.  Too short then LP problem, too long then no O.)  Two cycles only a day apart in length is good, and amazing for me.  It almost seems too good to be true.  (Clomid I was CD29 & CD31.)
• Ovulation was CD15.  (Normal is CD11-17, average is CD14.  Too short or too long then lower quality eggs.)  Good enough for me!  (Clomid I was CD 16 & CD18.)
• Luteal Phase (LP) was 15dpo.  (Normal is 12-16dpo, average is 14dpo.)  The longer the better since there is more time for the lining to develop & egg implant.  (Clomid I was 13dpo.)
• Post O side effects = high hormones = good.
• Progesterone 10.6.

Next:

• We have decided against injectables for this cycle.  I'm not 100% sure what my insurance will cover, even though $500 is pretty cheap if we had to pay it out of pocket.  I'm really not looking forward to sticking needles in my body.  And the side effects will most likely suck.
• I'm going to stick with the Vitex.  I'm not sure if that is what is fixing me, if something else is, or if my body is getting its act together.  But whatever it is I'm not going to change it.  
• As long as I stick in the "normal" range then I'll stay away from injectables and the RE.  
• Psychic Cheri22 told me August for a birth date.  Meaning O November 9th to December 9th.

-Selbe

Big Sacks of Soreness

I never really understood ovulation before this year.  I always heard 28 days, ovulation 14 days.

So if my cycle is 100 days long:

A. Do I ovulate 14 days into the cycle (CD14)?

B. Do I ovulate 14 days before my period (CD86)?

C. Do I ovulate right in the middle (CD50)?

Well the answer is none of the above (usually).  Although B would be the most passable.  This is called being infertile because most likely there is no ovulation at all.  

My boobs are so fucking sore.  Like two bags of fat bouncing around my chest.  Like someone punched them.  Like their first trip to the gym in a very long time.  They are really sore.  I don't normally have sore boobs, least not this sore.  I had sore nips on Clomid.  I had sore boobs once last December.  Another female told me this is due to ovulation and lasts about two weeks.  What the fuck, I don't ovulate, and I just got AF 3 weeks ago after going 7 months without it.  Sure enough two weeks later I did get AF.  It was like she was telling the future or somethin' because this infertile female was about to make a trip to Victoria Secrets for some new bras.  But this I think is worse.  It's not just the nips, it's the whole sack of boob.  Whole thing!  Now before I get some fertile tell me I'm PG or something, I'm 99% sure this is not it.

Why Not?

A.  I had sex CD9 and lap surgery CD11 with HSG.  Whatever might have been in there (egg, sperm, embryo) it was removed or killed.

B.  I had O on CD15 and sex on CD18 (3dpo).  The egg is only alive 12-24 (48 at tops) hours after O.
C.  They took out most, if not all, of my lining during the surgery.  Meaning this embryo has nowhere to call home.

I'm assuming these sore boobs are the result of my higher than normal progesterone test from last week.  That would be the best explanation.

AF was due yesterday or sometime today.  That's what my progesterone tells me at least.  

-Selbe

CD29, 14dpo

Day 4

Source

I went back to work on Sunday.  We actually lost power due to an freak October snow storm and I got put in the back stocking shelves because I was not needed.  I was able to lift most of the heavy things.  Only a few things over 30 or 40lbs. I couldn't do.  Cat litter, water and all the normal heavy stuff I am able to lift (I impressed one guy by putting his 25 lb. weights in his cart for him).  My uterus was cramping Sunday and yesterday my back was hurting a lot, but nothing too bad that I need pain meds.  

And we hired a pregnant women.  One of "them".  The other side.  A fertile.  I'm not too pleased by this and I was really enjoying working with the older ladies that have already gone through menopause and the high school students.  I thought I'd be somewhat safe.  But I'm trying to be nice.  I asked about her fetus, when it was due and such.  Though every time I ask her something about the baby it turns into listening to her talk about it for five minutes.  That's way too long for this infertile.  I'm hoping to just not see her often.  I did send her to do something else far, far away from me Sunday.  

The bandaids were removed on Saturday.  The hole in my navel is still a little bloody and my lower one is scabbed over.  Navel piercing has closed. :(  I also have a large bruise under my navel and on my hand from the IV.  The incisions are not too painful though but every once and awhile I bump it and it becomes sore.

Gas bubbles are a bitch though.  I've been sleeping sitting up on my couch the last couple days.  Laying down causes the bubbles to go to my shoulders.  I've dragged my king size down comfortable out to it along with a bunch of pillows.  I just tried to lay down a little while ago and I didn't get any shoulder pain so I'm going to try the bed tonight.

I can even feel the bubbles if I press on my stomach.  I made Bean do it too because he thought I was insane.  The bloating is starting to go down too.

I've only taken Ibuprofen so far (mainly for the shoulder).  No Oxycontin yet.

I'm going to go with the +OPK on Sunday as being real.  I didn't get anymore + digital ones, but the cheap ones have been +.  Now they are slowly getting lighter.  When they are false positives they get dark, light, dark, light over and over again, not gradual.  If this is so AF will arrive the 13/14th.  

My post-op is Thursday for the RE to figure out what to do with me next.  Ether injections plus another drug like Clomid, IUI or IVF.  But I'm almost temped to just wait it out and keep taking my Vitex.  If two cycles that are fairly regular happen with just the Vitex I'd rather just keep taking that and try naturally.  The side effects are way less and it's a whole hell of lot fucking cheaper.  Maybe I'll get knocked up like a normal person?  

This cycle is a BFN though.  I tried my best to get Bean to have sex with me, even though we are not supposed to until at least Thursday.  Things I have tried:

• jerking him off
• giving him head
• got naked & showed him my boobs (this usually works)
• got in my favorite position
• offered to do some turkey baster trick (though I don't think we actually own a turkey baster, & now no one is going to come over for Thanksgiving after reading this)
• offered to have him come in a Softcup & insert it in me
•  told him to just come on my outsides & maybe some of the swimmers would make their way up (health class told me I could get PG this way)

Yup nothing worked.  Officially mark it as a loss.  I've heard you're are supposed to be more fertile after an HSG since the dye cleans out the tubes or something.  Not sure how true that is but I was hoping to try it out.  The crazy psychic told me August would be my month, which means a baby convinced in November-ish time.  I still have time! 

-Selbe

CD16, OPK-

WTF? Need Advice...

What the fuck is this?  My cheap OPK came up as close positive.  So I used the digital one (the one I use when I'm not really sure).  And this is now smiling.  It's only CD14?  I can't even have sex 'til Thursday (cervix open, risk of infection).  I don't think I have much lining built up ether since I had all the bleeding with surgery.  Maybe it's a false positive?  I held my pee for two hours.  The cheap tests like it at two, digital ones like it at four.  I usually just do something in between because I use the same pee for both.  When you go up to 6 OPKs a day it's hard to have enough pee for all of them.  I'm going to try to nap and hold the pee in for four hours, then test again.

I just don't get it.  I did Clomid 50mg and never ovulated.  I got increased to 100mg and for two cycles I did O.  The fourth cycle I never O'ed.  Increased to 150mg and again I never O'ed.  Why is it after I'm pulled from the drug that my body starts working?

How am I going to get the sperm in me for this cycle if I can't have sex?  I need advice.

 

CD14

What If

What IF: A Portrait of Infertility

I really just wanted to get the surgery over with Thursday so I was kind of disappointed when they told me it was canceled.  I thought I could easily pass off as a non-sick person.  I tried my best not to look exhausted and snotty when I arrived at the surgery center.  They had me change and started hooking me up to the machines before they took my temperature. But in all honestly it was probably for the best.  I was feeling really crappy and I'm sure I would have been even worse post-surgery.  I didn't feel anywhere near ready.

I talked to work and they were able to change the schedule for the new surgery date.  Bean has to work so I don't know if he'll be able to come pick me up now.  If not I'm sure I could find at least one person in the area to come get me and drop me off at home.  My post-op appointment at the RE is now November 3rd. 

I'm still shocked I got AF all on my own.  Every once and awhile I mention my insides hurt, somewhere around my ovaries or uterus.  I usually just pass it off as sore insides from rough sex or sore muscles from the gym (honestly those are probably better assumptions).  I had this happen about two weeks ago, even thought it might be O pains but that's a silly thought and just forgot about it.  Same thing the last couple days.  Turns out those pains are menstrual cramps.

Still don't get how my body can't work with Clomid 50, 100 and 150mg, but all of a sudden do its job when I have nothing at all in my system.  Only thing I can think of is my Vitex worked.  I'm never really sure about herbal medicine.  I always figure if they really work then the drug companies would have found some way to market them by now.  I'm not really sure how that works.  Maybe I even ovulated?

So goals for the next few weeks:

• Lap Surgery (take two) - October 27th CD11
• Saliva Ferning (maybe) - CD7+
• OPK - CD12+
• Post-Op - November 3rd CD18

-Selbe

CD5

More Bloodwork

So it's the 29th (CD32) and AF never showed up.  No surprise there.  I go to the RE tomorrow for BW to check my betas (AKA pregnancy test), I'm sure that will be 0.  And my progesterone level, I'm sure that will be 0 also, or close to it.

They are more precautions.  If I'm given Provera and I am PG, then there is a higher risk of birth defects or miscarrage.  Although I have yet to find much research on it.  Progesterone is to check to see if I O'ed between CD19 when I gave up on the OPKs and now.  I'm sure I never did because I had no 2ww symptoms.

And I have to have this done at 7am, before I show up to work at 8.  So really just more needles and shitty lab results, nothing out of the ordinary there.

CD32

July BBT Chart

March BBT

Induced with BCP
Clomid 50mg CD3-7
March 16 - April 23, 2011 - 39 Day Cycle
Anovulatory - No Ovulation

---

April BBT

Induced with Provera
Clomid 100mg CD3-7, Provera 10mg 10 days
April 24 - May 21, 2011 - 29 Day Cycle
Ovulation on CD16

---

May/June BBT

Clomid 100mg CD3-7
May 22 - June 21, 2011 - 31 Day Cycle
Ovulation on CD18

---

And July... poop.

July BBT

Clomid 100mg CD2-6
June 22 - ?, 2011 - ? Day Cycle
Anovulatory - No Ovulation (Progesterone 1.7)

---

What's Next?
Induced with Provera
Clomid 150mg CD3-7, Provera 10mg 10 days

CD34, Provera day 3, no AF

AF Doesn't Give Warning When Visiting

I'm just not good with changes in my hormones.  Birth control, Clomid, whatever, it tends to equal nausea, and sometimes vomiting or dizziness.  Maybe I just have a weak stomach.  But when I get a BFP I'm sure morning sickness will come find me with force.

I remember one day last cycle I woke, drove to the car dealership, sat in their waiting room for an hour and was still nauseous.  I ended up taking Dramamine is fear of vomiting all over the show room carpet.  *sigh*  Yesterday (CD26) I went on a whale watch.  I don't know what I was thinking.  For those of you that haven't been on a whale watch before, small boat way out in the ocean for several hours tends to equal sea sickness.  I forgot about this until I got on the boat and left my Dramamine (something I carry everywhere with me, along with the pocket vibrator & Basic Instinct) at home.  If anyone is going to be vomiting over the side of this boat, it's going to be me.  I spent five hours bobbing up and down in the ocean and I didn't even get the tiniest bit nauseous.  What the fuck?  I don't think my hormones are up to par this cycle = Clomid didn't work.

Whale Watch! These are actually
Atlantic White-sided Dolphins. 

TMI warning.  Last month a friend asked what signs I have that AF is on her way.  Umm what?  Normally nothing.  My cramps don't start 'til after I start bleeding, and I don't get sore boobs or anything along those lines.  Just one random day my underwear feels wet.  A trip to the bathroom shows bright red blood everywhere (I ruin many pairs of panties this way.)  Sometimes I get psyched out by an abundance of CM or lots of sweating.  AF shows up when my uterine lining becomes too heavy for my uterus to support.  I have no warning.  Except with hormones.  BC I get angry three days before.  Clomid I get the nauseous, sensitive nips and off & on cramping the two weeks before.  Not sure if these things are a blessing or a curse.

CD27

Guess Who's Back

We are becoming such good friends.  I thought, why not invite my favorite hormone drug to take four?

I'm taking it CD2-6 this cycle, not CD3-7 like prescribed.  Why?  Because I want to.  And because I'm impatient and really don't have much to lose.  Someone explained to me on a forum that:

"My RE explained that taking it 2-6/3-7 makes more eggs (for those that don't O) while taking it 5-9 makes more mature (for those that O on their own)."

Twins, triples, whatever.  I'll take what I can get.  Most of my friends will be on their second or third pregnancy by the time I'm done with all this shit anyways.  I'll just catch up all at once.

I have another appointment next Monday with my GYN.

CD2, Clomid Day 1

Two Week Wait

My mittelschmerz AKA ovulation pain is slowly getting better.  I currently at 6dpo.

I'm more concerned it is something other than mittelschmerz like a cyst, OHSS, or ectopic pregnancy.  If it's just ovulation pains or a side effect of Clomid then I'll suck it up.

I don't really feel it much now except when I have to pee.  Because of that it makes me pee often.  It's like my bladder pushes against it or something and when I peddle it irritates it even more.  I seriously peed like 5 times between last night and this morning.  It's not like "I have to go now," but more uncomfortable.  Sex is still pretty painful.  I don't last long but we found a new position that doesn't hit it as much.  I'm starting to wonder if this is the reason I'm in so much pain to begin with?  I didn't call my doctor because it is starting to fade but I have to schedule an appointment for next cycle so I'll mention it then.

I'll do the whole 2ww roundup early since I'm already here.  I mentioned before I didn't have a whole lot of hope going into this cycle.  I really don't have many symptoms compared to last cycle like the hard nipples, cramps, CM, acne, nausea.

Nipples - They have gotten sensitive a few times like before, but not nearly as much.  (off & on)

Cramps - No early cramps so far as of 6dpo, just the mittelschmerz.

CM - This has returned.  (3dpo - now)

Acne - Also came back to visit, great!  (4dpo - now)

Nausea - Also back but not as strong this cycle.  I'm really happy about this one!  (off & on)

Ovary Pain - This post and my last sum that up.  (CD17 - now)

Pee-oholic - Again above (3dpo - now)

Really nothing substantial.  :/  I list all my symptoms on here if anyone wants to see.  I try to update it daily.

---

I have more to add for my weird dreams.  After I wrote this, I woke up the next morning to another dream.  In the dream I had cooked chicken pieces all over the kitchen floor.  Bean was asleep so I was forced to clean the chicken up myself.  In the dream I dry heaved over and over again at the sight of the chicken.  So disgusting.  I didn't fall asleep or wake up nauseous so I don't know what's up with that.  Again, really really gross.

---

 Things I've fixed this past week:

1. Phone - Really I just spent $200 to buy a new one.
2. Car - The roof has been broken on it since I bought it.  Well not 100% broken, it just only works when it feels like it.  Like when I'm trying to show the mechanic or Bean that it's broken.  But it finally stopped working on Bean, then we brought it in to have it fixed.  I still had the 60 day warranty on it so no cost to me.  Except when I went to pick it up for the 5th time the salesman tried to sell me the 2012 model.  Listen asshole, I just gave you guys $15k less than two months ago, what makes you think I have the money for a brand new car?  And they lost one of my car keys, which normally wouldn't be a big deal if they didn't cost $300 each!  Joys of owning a foreign car.  
3. Engagement & Wedding Band - My engagement ring has been too small for my finger for awhile so it is being resized to a big girl size of 6!  It was sized to 4.75 when I first got it, guess I got fatter.  My wedding band is getting soldered to it since it never looks like the photo and always rotates.  
4. Ovaries - Ha that's a joke!

Things I broke:

1. New victim of identify fraud.   Some asshole stole my name, SSN and old phone number to sign up for cable TV.  The collection agency found me of course because I never paid my bill.  My credit report shows I have a new address in Georgia, I don't think I've ever even been to GA?  We filled a bunch of reports and hopefully everything goes away.

CD24, 6DPO

Mittelschmerz

I don't ovulate often so I usually don't know what to except most of the time.  I feel like I should have figured this stuff out when I was 14, not now.

This cycle I had some cramping at CD14 but it went away quickly, and also I think one other day.  CD17 was my +OPK.  I started feeling pain then on my left side then but nothing too bad.   I assume I O'ed on CD18.  It's now CD21 and the pain is getting worse each day.  It's not horribly painful but rather annoying.  Left side only, although sometimes I think it moves to my right.  It's almost like my lower abdomen feels full, or a lot of pressure.  But not like menstrual cramps.  Fullness like with an UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) and pain when I pee, but not burning.  Sometimes they are sharp pains and then go away quickly.  I'm not sure if this is ovulation pains, or if it's supposed to last this long.

Maybe it's a yeast infection (although I usually itch), or an UTI (I usually burn), or maybe even OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome), even though Dr. S said it's rare when I asked cycle #1.  I'm going to stick it out for the weekend and if I still have it Monday I'll call my GYN.

Last cycle all I had was menstrual cramps and they were much less painful.

CD21, 3DPO 

Just Don't Get It

I O'ed today, yesterday, or I'm going to tomorrow.  I can't really tell since I don't have the typical ovulation pains.  I had a +OPK on CD17 at 1AM and tested again at 1PM and it was also positive and darker.  But by 6PM they were both negative again so I'm going to put CD18 down as my O day.

I have to say the one thing that irritates me most is Bean's lack of "performance" sometimes.  I'm not sure if it's a problem on my end expecting too much, or a problem on his end that is mental or physical.  Most times during the month I don't care what he does after I get my pleasure.  But for a couple days when I hear "I don't think I'm going to cum" it pisses me off.  What the fuck do you mean?  I don't get it, maybe because I'm not a guy so I don't know how everything works.  Maybe it's the frame of mind he's in at the time.  I woke him up today at 6AM for this reason, and I'm not a morning person.  No luck.  I waited 'til 5PM when he got home from work and after 30 minutes and about 5 positions something happened.  Does anyone else have this problem?  It makes me angry.  In the end I got what I needed anyways.  Countdown To Pregnancy is giving our Intercourse Timing Analysis a "Very High" AKA 20%, which is as high as it gets, and the same thing we got last cycle.  So yay!

I always hear how a women's libdo is supposed to increase around O.  I don't get that.  In fact it becomes painful.  It feels like he just keeps punching my left ovary with his penis over and over again.  Then again there isn't really anywhere else for him to stick it.  I just want it done as soon as possible.

I used my Softcup the last two times we BD'ed.  Both times it leaked and I've ended up wading around with wet underwear.  But when I pull it out there was still stuff left in the cup so that's good.  

CD18, O

My "O" Face

+OPKs

Yeah I'm really an adolescent boy at heart...

And better late than never ovaries.  Good job!

CD17, OPK+

Keeping the Swimmers In

I said I'd give Instead Softcups an attempt for TTC since they got great reviews on Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com.

I had two fears of these things.  1. That is would act more as a diaphragm than an $8 IUI.  2.  It would turn into a huge mess.

And this is the part of the post that becomes TMI.

I have to keep this device in arm's reach during sex.  I can't really go looking for it after the act because...yeah...  So it sits on the bed next to me bouncing up and down having a great time with us.  Bean is honestly grossed out by the idea but he deals.  After we are done my butt is lifted high in the air to keep everyone in.  Getting it inside me really isn't that hard.  With my own fluid, lube and semen it slides right in.  The hardest part is trying to "scoop up" the swimming as it's inserted.  

I started using it CD10 just for practice.  After I put it in I just laid in bed for awhile in fear it would leak.  I actually think I just fell asleep.  It didn't leak at all and I took it out 8 hours later.  I tried pulling it as I was sitting down so I wouldn't dump the cup but I couldn't get my finger under the lip to pull.  So I tried standing up.  Of course I broke the seal and dumped it.  Everything that was in it was now all over my bathroom rug.  But I was surprised that it actually held and there was extra sperm, Pre-seed and fluid in the cup.

On CD11 it was also used.  A little bit more sperm can out while trying to insert it.  After 5 minutes of laying there I got up to pee with no leakage.  Everything was good except I did wake up in the middle of the night to find a small wet spot.  I removed it after 10 hours.  There was less than the previous day but I still dumped it and a good amount came out.

This is the stupidest idea ever but it might actually work.  So it gives me some hope.

If nothing happens this cycle then Bean is going for SA (Semen Analysis).  Dr. S has already asked me twice to have one done and I really should now that I O (sometimes) especially since I'm sure our insurance covers it.

I brought myself to paint pottery after my allergy shots today.  Painting usually puts me in a better mood.  My sleep schedule has 

improved compared to the 15 hours a day of sleep I needed for awhile.  Not sure if it was my allergies, one after another colds I had all winter or what that caused it.  I only need the standard 8 hours of sleep lately and I'm way less run down.  I now have tons of free time that I'm not sure what to do with.

CD12, OPK-

Nausea Come Again Another Day

Bean and I had a good Memorial Day weekend.  Sunday we went on a hike to a couple waterfalls.  I'm not really an "outdoorsy" person.  I'm the first to bitch about the bugs, heat, etc.  But I made it there and back with very little complaining except mentioning I was nauseous a few times.

Monday Bean marched in a local Memorial Day parade.  The families were asked to be in the parade also so I volunteered.  I had zero plans and I don't mind the exercise.  It ended up being 90°F (32°C), a walk that felt like way more than the mile (1.6km) I was told, a 30 minute ceremony, and more walking before we got to the BBQ we were promised.  I wore the wrong shoes which gave me blisters.  I actually think I was more whiny for the parade than the 2+ mile uphill hike I did the day before.  Of course at the end I let Bean know that I was again nauseous.  I got a hot dog and a chocolate drink on the way home and was fine.  Until I got inside the house and really didn't feel well.  I dry heaved a couple times but never actually vomited.

I'm sick of being nauseous.  Between Clomid and Microgestin I have felt this way since January.  I wish some days I would just vomit and get it over with so I can go on with my day.  Every pregrant women with morning sickness seriously makes me envious right now.  And if you are pregnant, please share your ginger snaps with me or I'll vomit on your carpet.

I found this webpage on how Clomid actually works.  I found it interesting.

"Structurally similar to estrogen, Clomid works as a selective estrogen modulator, by attaching itself to the estrogen receptor sites in the brain disallowing them to bind with naturally circulating estrogen. In response, the hypothalamus releases more Gonadotropin Releasing hormone (GnRH), stimulating the pituitary to drain more LH and FSH, which then cause the ovary into producing more eggs and follicles, resulting in ovulation. Generally, a woman taking Clomid doubles or triples the amount of estrogen production in that cycle compared to pretreatment cycles."

CD10, OPK-