My Doctor is an Asshole

IUI for June, and probably July, canceled.  After a few phone calls my day became pretty lousy.

I started spotting last Thursday right before my RE appointment.  Appointment went well and I was given the impression that when CD1 hit that I would call up and start Clomid CD3.  They even gave me all the paperwork with instructions on what number to call, when to take it, and what CD my other appointments would be on.  

The RE quickly mentioned about seeing a high risk OBGYN at some point.  She NEVER mentioned it was required to start CD3 Clomid.

I thought we were all set for the IUI.  Since I was spotting I assumed that would be sometime soon.

I normally spot before AF.  Usually just a few hours or a day.  Then it becomes heavy so nothing new there.  But I spotted all of Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Yesterday it stopped and nothing today ether.  That's weird for me.  I have never spotted for that long and then nothing.  The heaviest flow I got was maybe to fill a quarter size spot on pantiliner.  That's after wearing it all day.

I got concerned and called up the nurses line this morning.  This was first day they were open after the long weekend.  I had one simple question.  I spotted for four days then nothing.  Should I start Clomid anyways, do Provera or just keep waiting? 

The nurse told me that probably was my period.  I haven't had AF since April 1st and my lining was 15mm on last weeks ultrasound.  That was NOT my period.  She was confused by 15mm, so I said 1.5cm.  She then said, "oh you mean 1.5mm."  No fifteen, a whole fifteen millimeters!  I might be American but I do know some metric.  Trust me, 15mm lining and 60 days since my last AF means a lot more blood than a few pantiliners.  There is more in there.  

She then tells me she can't give me the Clomid or even the basic Provera until I have my first appointment with the high risk OBGYN.  Umm ok, but that's not what the doctor told me last week.

I'm told to call the appointment line to book a visit with the OBGYN.  I called it, they said they don't schedule appointments for that office by the appointment line.  Ok?  They gave me the number for information so they can give me the direct number for the OBGYN.

I called information and the operator rattled off a bunch of numbers off quick because I could write them down.  I had to ask three times.

Call number four was to the OBGYN clinic.  The start of the conversation was the basic myself telling them I need to book an appointment.  She quickly asked, "when your due date?"  I explained about the Clomid and needing a check up appointment.  She asked me when my due date was again.  Seriously?  I again explained about fertility drugs and bad cervix.  She then told me I had a wrong number and asked where I was calling.  I told her ADC (which I guess stands for high risk OBGYN, somehow).  Yup, I got the right place.  So she asked my due date again.  Then I'm put on hold while they look for my referral.

Quiet tears began running down my face.  I'm frustrated and being pushed off from office to office.  I was also lead to believe this IUI was soon rather than later.

They came back on the phone and told me the next available appointment was July 11th!  I began crying hysterically.  They won't even think about starting me on Provera 'til this appointment.  I'll be CD102 at this point.

Bean had to grab the phone and talk to them.  They were able to get me in June 26th but that's the best they could do.

I was stuck, what am I going to do?

Bean left a message at the RE letting them know how unhappy we were about the treatment.

I called up a little while later and the nurse still said no Provera, no Clomid, no IUI 'til I have the appointment on the 26th.  They are still discussing it with the doctor.  

First off, they NEVER said the appointment with the high risk OBGYN was required before starting fertility treatment.  They have never even seen my cervix in person, only what the last RE made notes of.  I discussed it the cervical cerclage with my last RE and OBGYN.  They told me it MIGHT be needed.  And the OBGYN said they wouldn't even be able to tell 'til an ultrasound at 12 weeks.  I'm not even PG, I don't see the point in rushing me off to an OBGYN now.  And if it is such an urgent matter then why is the next appointment six weeks away?

The nurse began telling Bean all the things that could happen if my cervix fails.  I could miscarry or do into labour early.  Then all the health problems the baby would have if born at X number of weeks.  I would have deal with those thing alone while my husband was deployed.  How would I deal with a dead or blind baby?  

This has gone too far.  I called up for one simple question and I got this.  If I didn't worry about PG before, I do now.  

I cried off and on for hours after this.

I have Provera left over from before that I started taking tonight.  I mentioned last September how I save medication because I don't trust doctors.  Odd that!  I don't know what else to do.  I can't move on with the Clomid even if I have AF or not.  But I also can't sit here without AF for much longer.  The surgery in October showed the abrasions in my uterus from holding onto the lining for too long.  Plus the heavy flow with clotting can be painful.  It's just not healthy sitting around doing nothing.  I'm sorry for going behind the doctor's back and "prescribing" it to myself.  But I asked for the drug nicely and I know what's best for myself.  

After my high risk OBGYN on June 26th I then had to make another appointment with the RE about three weeks after that.  If this is the case I'm going to ask for Gonal-F instead of Clomid.  It's what my other RE wanted and I have no faith in Clomid anymore.   

Since it looks like no Clomid or IUI this cycle I went to the vitamin store and stocked up on herbs that are supposed to be good for fertility.  The list to balance out my hormones:

• Vitex 1200mg daily - I've been taking this since September.  Though it worked before it has since stoppe since my MC.  But at this point I have nothing left to loss.
• Dong Quai 1130mg daily
• Maca 300mg daily 
• Red Clover Blossom 800mg daily
• Milk Thistle 175mg daily

To induce my period:

• Provera 10mg daily
• Vitamin C 6000mg daily

-Selbe

Spotting

Spotting Continues

This is the longest I've ever spotting before AF, or in general.  Day five so far but I think it has stopped for now.  I can't call it CD1 or start Clomid.  I keep trying to get it to start more.  Walk, run, poke my cervix, vibrator (can't have sex because of the semen freezing is tomorrow).  I've even started with the Vitamin C.  I don't want to take Provera because that's progesterone and is going to stop it before starting it again.  I started getting some cramping yesterday, and again today.  Nothing that strong though.  Today marks CD58.  I don't know of anymore tips to make it start.

What If

Starting IUI brings way more other "what if" questions.

• What if I don't produce enough eggs & my cycle is canceled?
• What if I produce too many eggs & my cycle is canceled?
• What if my lining is too thin?
• What if Bean's count isn't that great for the freezing tomorrow?
• What if the count isn't great after thawing?
• How many samples should he produce to keep frozen?
• How much of it is used up for IUI?
• What if I can't get to all the appointments because of work?
• What if Bean can't get to a fresh IUI because of work?

I try to ignore them and not worry about it.  Most of those things I can't change.  

I'm not trying to put too much hope in this IUI.  In the last 15 months (possible up to 24 months) I've ovulated 5 times.  Of those 5 times we did timed intercourse 3 of them.  Of those 3 times I got pregnant once.  The average women my age has a 20-25% chance of getting pregnant each cycle she tries.  Meaning sperm and egg there at the same time.  That's also given there are no other health problems and the sperm quality is good.

My rate of ovulation is crappy, not going to lie there.  But out of the cycles I did ovulate AND sperm was there I got a 1 in 3 shot.  Which is great.  So with the fertility drugs making sure I ovulate and Bean's sperm shot up there at perfect timing I have a great chance.  I try to think of the people I know that have gotten PG on IUI #1 and have a healthy baby now.  That could be me.  But I also know of people that have done IUI #4, #5 or #7 with no results.  

I don't want to get my hopes up because I know IUI #1 only has a 20-25% like normal sex for me.  Plus I don't want to be heartbroken.  I plan on doing five IUIs before making the move to IVF.

Photo a Day

I think I'll do one of those photo a day challenges for June.  It will keep me busy.  I found this one.

-Selbe

RE Appointment 5/24

My appointment went good today.  We did get lost when we first arrived.  I asked the little Korean lady at the information desk where to go but she didn't know where the "fertility clinic" or "Reproductive Endocrinologist" was.  She gave me two options.  First being the OBGYN on the third floor, for pregnancy tests, pregnancy and giving birth.  No, that's not me.  Plus when I made my appointment I was told me ground floor or lower level.  The second option was the OBGYN on the ground floor.   Hmm, I don't think that is me, but it could be?  I walk down to the OBGYN clinic and as soon as I walked in the door I notice the waiting room full and there are tons of newborns and babies everywhere.  Fuck!  I really hope this isn't the place.  Sure enough he sends me a door down to the actual fertility clinic.  This waiting room just had a couple waiting alone and a few women.  Much more my taste.

Basic Appointment Testing

Source

• Medical History - They didn't seem to care about the records that have yet to arrive.  Just asked me questions.
• Ultrasound
• Uterine Lining - Measured 15mm, too thick.  Obviously it's been some time since AF.
• Ovaries - I've never had cysts before, at least they haven't been found.  She showed me the left ovary, covered in small cysts.  Then scanned to the right ovary, also covered in cysts.  It's nickname is Ring of Pearls.  Yup, the classic PCOS cysts.
• Blood Work - I go for that tomorrow morning.  I'm having glucose done along with a few other thing, mostly stuff I've had done in the past.
• Semen Analysis - She's a little worried about Bean's low results in the past.  I'm not too concerned, they could be worse & I seen PG with less.  They are not bad enough to send us to an Urologist.

Dr. C told me there is overweight PCOS and skinny PCOS.  I have skinny PCOS.  Even with my anovulation and cysts I still don't look PCOS.  Which is probably why I've made it so long without a diagnosis.  I'm not overweight enough and I don't have thinning hair, hair in strange places or darkening of the skin.  She also said no amount of weight loss will make my PCOS better.  Though I don't like to make excuses nor am I lazy, this is something I have thought about from time to time due to the fact that my problems began when I was 16 and underweight at the time.  I actually wasn't allowed to donate blood in high school because I didn't weigh enough.  If I see the same problems at a BMI of 18 and a BMI of 29, weight probably it's related to it.  

Cervix

The description of the my cervix from the RE looks bad.  I guess most of it is gone and it's very short.  I am at a great risk for cervical incompetence and a cervical cerclage is most likely going to be needed.  This also comes with bed rest.  This scares me because I am a military wife without family in the area and very few friends.  I will have to figure out a plan once I get pregnant.  This also isn't new news to me so no surprise about the cerclage.  

She is having me met with the high risk OBGYN even before pregnancy is achieved so I know what to expect.

Overall

Even with my failing cervix, my polycystic ovaries and Bean's 23 million sperm count we are ready to move forward with IUI.

Move to IUI

I began spotting this morning, randomly without any cramping.  Not sure if this is AF, but if it is then tomorrow or the following day should be CD1.

I need to have a beta PG test done to make sure I'm not PG.  This part really doesn't seem necessary.

On CD3 I'll start Clomid 50mg for five days.  I'm not a fan of Clomid, I didn't ovulate at 150mg, let along 50mg.  My five rounds of Clomid before were unmonitored they don't know how I responded to it, other than not releasing eggs.  This time I will have ultrasounds to show the number of eggs and their sizes, along with the trigger shot to manually release them when they are ready (vs waiting for if/when my body to do it).  So I guess it's better, but I still don't like Clomid.  I've just already been down the road before and see no hope there.  

Around CD12 I'll have my first ultrasound to check the size of my follicles.  Possibly a few ultrasounds after that until my follicles are large enough.

I'll be given the Ovidrel trigger shot.

Following that will be my IUI with Bean's fresh or frozen sperm, depending on if he is home or not.  If it is fresh sperm and Monday-Friday then I'll go to Tacoma, if it's frozen or fresh on Saturday or Sunday then I'll go to Seattle.  

Next Tuesday we drive to Seattle to "drop off" some sperm to be frozen. 

Cost 

Clomid & Ovidrel are covered by my insurance, along with any blood work or ultrasounds.

The IUI is $200 for the sperm washing and inseminating me.

Freezing sperm and keeping it frozen is $250 for the first three months, then $125 every three months after that.  

This is a pretty good deal.  There is about a 20-25% chance of it working each cycle.

I'm also on the list for IVF.  It's about a year wait and costs $6000.

-Selbe

Recap of the Year

The positive:  I've had more cycles this year than I've had in the past eight or so.  Between my PCOS, being drugged with birth control as birth control, and being drugged with birth control to "fix" me, I average about 4 cycles a year.  Which I probably never ovulated during.  The feminine hygiene products I've had to buy this year, wow.  I usually buy a box and I'm set for a year or two.  Fuck I still have stuff in my bathroom that is 5 or 10 years old that I need to go through and throw out.   

Cycle #1 - March 16th

First cycle off birth control to regulate my cycle, not as birth control.  Last time I was on birth control as birth control... I don't remember when that was.  But I did do a shot of Depo-Provera while my husband was deployed in 2009/2010.  Then realized that was a silly idea since Bean wasn't home anyways.  It was a spur of the moment idea while I was at Planned Parenthood for something else.  After Depo wore off and I got my period Bean was home.  We didn't try at pregnancy, or really prevent it.  After a couple months I decided to try and figure out when I ovulate.  However, my cycle was 7 months long which is not uncommon for me.  After a few useless doctors visits I decided to ask my new OBGYN for Clomid, something I read about on the Internet for women like me.  Clomid 50mg it was.  CD14, CD18, CD20 came and gone with no positive OPK.  I was given Provera to end the cycle.  No ovulation. My due date for this cycle was December 23rd, 2011.

Cycle #2 -  April 24th

I'm increased to Clomid 100mg.  I got a positive OPK around CD16, but it didn't result in pregnancy.  I got my period on my own.

Cycle #3 - May 22nd

Clomid 100mg again.  Another positive OPK for CD18.  But no pregnancy.  Period again arrived on it's own.  This is better than nothing.  My due date was February 29, 2011, Leap day.  It's sad I still remember all these due dates.

Cycle #4 - June 22nd

This is going to be my month!  Clomid 100mg again.  But no positive OPKs and my progesterone results came back extremely low.  My body stopped responding to 100mg.  More Provera for me.

Cycle #5 - July 29th

Increased to 150mg.  Ovulation scheduled for during our vacation, great!  Except my body also stopped responding to 150mg also.  I'm given Provera again and sent away to an RE.  An OBGYN can no longer help these ovaries.

Cycle #6 - September 16th

Lots of testing, no real baby making.  I started a herbal drug called Vitex expecting it not to work, 'til I surprisingly got my period after 31 days.

Cycle #7 - October 17th

More Vitex but no baby making due to lap surgery during around the time of ovulation.  However I got a positive OPK and the progesterone blood work came back great.

Cycle #8 - November 16th

Decides to give Vitex some more time before moving on to injectable like RE suggested.  Results in a BFP right before Christmas with a due date for August 25th, 2012.  Baby's heartbeat was lost about a month later.  

Cycle #9 - January 26th - Current

If the ovulation date I have is correct then I should get my period on February 29th.

-Selbe

July BBT Chart

March BBT

Induced with BCP
Clomid 50mg CD3-7
March 16 - April 23, 2011 - 39 Day Cycle
Anovulatory - No Ovulation

---

April BBT

Induced with Provera
Clomid 100mg CD3-7, Provera 10mg 10 days
April 24 - May 21, 2011 - 29 Day Cycle
Ovulation on CD16

---

May/June BBT

Clomid 100mg CD3-7
May 22 - June 21, 2011 - 31 Day Cycle
Ovulation on CD18

---

And July... poop.

July BBT

Clomid 100mg CD2-6
June 22 - ?, 2011 - ? Day Cycle
Anovulatory - No Ovulation (Progesterone 1.7)

---

What's Next?
Induced with Provera
Clomid 150mg CD3-7, Provera 10mg 10 days

CD34, Provera day 3, no AF

Clomid Fail

I tried but I guess my own ovaries didn't.  I charted the temperatures, did the OPKs (sometimes twice a day), used saliva ferning, poked at my cervix, and playing with my CM.  I even tried looking at every tiny symptom I've had as possible ovulation.  The nausea, headaches, pains in the side and the cramping.  And I've got nothing.  Sometimes I think it's been so long since I actually ovulated on my own that I no longer know what I'm supposed to be looking for.

Today is CD20 I finally called the GYN thinking, "what the hell?" I really just wanted an appointment for blood work or something.  They said I ether already ovulated at some point or I'm not going to this cycle.  The nurse told me to start taking HPTs (home pregnancy test) in a few days and stop the OPKs.  I have to call back up if my period is late.

The word "late" is not in my menstrual vocabulary.  At least it hasn't been in the last 10 years.  Late to me would be a cycle lasting longer than 8 months, and by then I probably would have figured out I was pregnant long before.  The nurse told me since my last cycle was 28 days long (because of BCP) that means I'm late after 28 days.  Umm ok?  Whatever, 28 is a short cycle for me and I only have a week before calling back up.

I don't really trust doctors of any kind.  I've had a lot of bad experiences. Most of the time I just feel that I get pushed around.  Dr. Google and I spend most our time together researching different drugs and procedures.  Now I just write down what I want done, and hand it to the doctor at the appointment.  I feel I get the most accomplished that way.

Fucking raisin ovaries, I wish you would come back from vacation so we could get something done.

PS The photos are from a school project I did today on depression. Hey I'm good with that topic!

Hidden Text:  York Hospital OB/GYN, Surgical & Midwifery Associates, Kent Scherr, M.D, Dr.,

The Complainer

I started my first cycle of Clomid on Friday.  Yay!  It's going better than I thought.  I tend to have bad vomiting when there is extra estrogen in my system.  So I stocked up on ginger ale and ginger snaps just in case (although I ate all the snaps by now, they were so good).  But I've had zero side effects so far, minus a bad sinus headache (but I think that was more my allergies).  Hopefully that doesn't come and bite me in the ass after I post this, or after I'm done taking them.  One more pill tomorrow and I'll be done for the cycle.

I'm taking my BBT (basal body temperature) this cycle also, along with the OPK.  I'm really pleased with the numbers so far.  I tired last summer but the numbers were all over the place (95.6, 95.9, 97, 95.8, 96.5...).  Good thing I eventually gave up because the cycle was 7 months long!  But the last week they have all been really close (97.7, 97.1, 97, 97.1, 97, 97.2).  Hopefully they stay that way and I see some sort of shift.

I got my U/S results today finally after waiting almost a week.  Everything looks normal.  No cysts, no PCOS cysts, happy fallopian tubes, uterus and vagina.  Little annoyed they didn't call me with the results, I hate when doctors do that, even when tests come back normal.

The Plan: Finish Clomid on CD (cycle day) 7.  Start OPK on CD8 & keep doing BBT.  Hope for a +OPK and/or temperature shift. If not, call GYN about CD35, whine, asked to be induces for cycle two, increase Clomid.

I decided to give Instead Softcup a try for TTC.  I gave them a test run with AF.  I got it in and out fine (well with some digging, ewww)  But after a few hours the seal came loose, or I just didn't put it in right.  Anyways, it was a big mess!  I might hold off on using them again. :/

So my pet peeve this week is people that complain how bad their children are on Facebook.  I'm sorry your kids are so horrible that you have to complain to all 267 friends.  Maybe you should have waited to have children, maybe some BC or condoms, or even an abortion or adoption.   It is no ones fault but your own that sperm found your egg.  I'm sorry your life is over and now you can't go to Las Vegas now because you have a child.  Being IF (infertile) I have very little sympathy for you.  (I will however post some photos from my last trip to Vegas, a trip I was very trashed for most of.  But that's the IF way.)

Blaming Google

Doctors Appointment 3/7

New OB/GYN today.  It was kind of weird.  And every time he starting talking about a different medicine or procedure I would already know all about it, sometimes the pro, cons, side effects, what it's used for.  Maybe I just have too much GYN knowledge.  I blame Google.

• I have my first ultrasound next week, pelvic (lower stomach) and transvaginal (inside).  Looking for PCOS and/or whatever else they can find.

• I have PCOS, whether or not they find cysts on the ultrasound.  A mild case, I guess. 
• I have: acne (but getting better, my back is the worst), irregular periods (very irregular), obesity (maybe, BMI 29), breathing problems while sleeping (I'm a ENT mess), oily skin (goes w/ the acne), infertility (yeah...), elevated blood pressure (thanks to Microgestin), excess hair growth (I guess, I have hair?), pain in abdomen (sore ovaries), mood swings (it comes w/ being female), anovulation,  dandruff (but cleared up since I use henna). 
• I don't have: skin tags, skin discolorations, high cholesterol, smaller breast (opposite there), deeper voice, thinning hair (super thick hair here), darkening skin.  The irregular periods are the worst though.

• He thinks I'm anovulatory, or very, very close to it.  

• My blood pressure keeps increasing.  It was 120/80 three months ago before starting Microgestin. Last month it was 130/80.  Now it's 140/90.  

• I start Clomid 50mg day 3-7 next week.

• I also need to start using OPK (ovulation predictor kits).  Already bought these from Amazon.

So I got what I wanted out of the appointment, an ultrasound and Clomid.

My ENT ran a full thyriod check, it came back normal.  So no hypothyroidism.  I do have a vitamin d deficiency.  Could explain why I am so tired.  I need to take my vitamins more often, at least 1000 IU/day.

I also found this website: Taking Charge of Your Fertility. They have charts you can create for everything fertility related.

Hidden Text:  York Hospital OB/GYN, Surgical & Midwifery Associates, Kent Scherr, M.D, Dr.,