PCOS Walk

This past weekend I did my first PCOS mini walk via the PCOS Foundation.  One of local women organized it and we did laps around the mall that equaled a mile in length.   And then we had Cinnabon because sugar and carbs are great for those with PCOS.  Anyways it was only a group of a few of us, but I met some great women.

I did ovulate on my own with just Metformin this cycle.  So the Met is working or I just have leftover fertility drugs in my system.  Ovulation means no Provera to start my period.  

Madigan is preping me for another monitored cycle.  I'm not going to do any drugs or IUI though.  But they did have me do a bunch of blood work last week and more this coming week.  I know Friday they tested my thyroid and my results seemed fine.  I think I have a mid-cycle ultrasound for about two weeks from now.  Most likely Halloween-ish time or early November.

My tattoo is doing good.  At first there was little bits of skin coming off.  Then the week after it became really itchy.  That point I kept putting A&D on it, but then read I might be over using it.  It has been much better now.  If I run my fingers over it I can still feel it raised up a bit but that will go away in time.

I get pictures of Coral every week.  The last couple weeks she has been wet but they as assured me she has a habit of with wanting to play in the water dish and will look much better upon arrival.  Her flight out is on November 3rd.  I keep calling her Coral Lee but not sure if I will keep that or just plain Coral. 

-Selbe

Moving On

View of Seattle from ferry on the way to my IUI Saturday

I've been on the waiting list for my old job since June.  I listed my store preference as the local one about 10 minutes from here, and then my second choice much farther away as a back up (hoping I'd get picked up by the local one).  It had been about 60 days and no store took a bite at me.  Nothing!  I get priority over new hires and I'm sure each one of these stores have begun hiring for the holiday season.  At the end of the 60 days I got re-added to the wait list, for the same local store, another one father away, and their brand new store in Seattle.

Again the local store has blown me off.  They don't even return my calls.  I was beginning to wonder if my employee file was that bad.

Today I got a call from the store in Seattle and they want me to coming in Monday to talk with them.  

It's a hike to get there, but I calculated the price for public transportation and as long as I'm working at least two hours each shift it will cover it.  

I was in shock, this store is brand new (just opened less than two months ago).  And there are so many more people in Seattle.  

Cons:

• Cheapest way to get there is taking three forms of transportation
• To get there:
• Step one
• I can drive my car the 10-15 minutes to the ferry terminal. Cost: free, except gas.  I have to park my car at the terminal after this.  Cost $11/day  OR
• I can walk to the bus station 2 blocks from my house and take the bus to the ferry.  Cost: $2  But option is only available during morning and afternoon.
• Step Two
• Ride the ferry to Seattle.  Takes about 35 minutes.  Cost: free
• Step Three
• Walk the .5 mile (about 15 minutes) to the store.  Cost: free  OR
• Bus, takes the same amount of time as walking.  Cost: $2
• To get home:
• Step One
• Walk.  Cost: free
• Step Two
• Ferry:  Cost: $8
• Step Three
• Drive car home.  Cost: free  OR
• Bus:  $2
• Or I can get a monthly pass for the ferry, making it $16 a trip.  And hope the company I work for lets me park in their parking garage for free.
• Public transportation doesn't run on my schedule, I go by theirs.  The ferry can be a hold up, since the buses run off the ferry schedule they are in sync.  So my hour travel time might be longer with waiting around.

Pros:

• It's brand new, and coming from a newer store I'd rather go to a newer store
• It's one of three (I think) stores in the world like it.  It's a honor to work there.  (At least as far as retail stores go, but not for everyone else.)
• Opportunity of a lifetime.  
• It's a block from one of Seattle's largest tourist areas, Pike Place.
• I'll get to explore Seattle some more.
• They close earlier.

I'm not sure if I will take the job yet.  

I can't keep sitting around my house though.  I do have friends here, but not many and I don't expect them to want to hang out with me everyday.  My husband is gone and some days I don't leave the house at all, let alone talk to another human in person.  I dreamed of having a baby and staying home with him or her.  Watching him stand and teaching colours.  Bean is always gone, so I'm not going to drop my child off at daycare for the little time he has with a parent.  And I never planned to work during a pregnancy ether.  Not because I'm lazy, but because of my weak cervix and fear the baby is just going to fall out.  But I don't have a baby, and I'm not pregnant.  Looking into the future it looks like nether of those are going to happen anytime soon.  I need to move on.  Starting a family and being a mommy is a great dream, but it's not a dream that's happening right now.  

I always think of being in your 20's as one of two things: becoming a mommy, or partying all the time.  I've watched so many of my friends who are in the same age group get pregnant and give birth.  I very much wish I was with them, I'm envious of them.  But due to my infertility I can't join them.  (Unless someone just wants to hand me $13,000 for one cycle of IVF).  I almost feel like I'm held back.  I can't move forward with my dream.  I can't contribute to all the pregnancy talk (not like I fit in anyways) nor all the conversations that go with having a child.  I'm left out, even more so being a military wife.  There are events I go to where I'm the only one there without children.  I guess the other side is being a drunk.  I do like to go out and have fun, but I'm too old to do that all the time.  Where do I fit in?

I need to move on with my life NOT as the mommy-to-be I wish I was.

I refuse to test this cycle 'til at least September 25th.  I can't stand seeing anymore bare white test.  Or worse, imaginary lines that seem to exist in my head, in certain light, when I shake the test. I should have AF by the 25th anyways. 

-Selbe

Five Hundred Dollar Flight for Sex

My trip to location X went well.  I got there at 10am and Bean picked me up to take me to the fancy hotel room.  The Howard Johnson next to the airport.  Haha  We did the deed and I took a nap because I've had to get up early the last few days.  After that he look me to this lookout park.  We went to the pet store to get a couple toys for Loki.  Bean slept with them last night to get his scent on the stuffed animals.  We went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner, walked around the shopping mall and then went back to the hotel for deed #2.  This morning at 5am he dropped me back off at the airport.  I got home just in time to take Loki to puppy class.  I didn't see much of location X, but I've been there before and I'm not really a fan of the area anyways.  

I'm not sure if this expensive, spontaneous plan worked.  I don't even know what day for sure I ovulated.  But I have zero interest in thinking about it or taking a PG test anytime during my TWW.  I'm just waiting for AF.  There will be no meds next cycle, really no point because Bean won't be home and we are no longer a candidate for IUI with frozen sperm.  I am excited to see it I actually ovulate on my own with just Metformin.   

Every time I fly I get sick.  In another blog post I'll tell the whole story but I'm not sure if I have a weak immune system to all these new germs on the plane.  Or if I'm having an allergy attack.  After my trigger shot I began feeling very hot, but not an increase in body temperature.  Maybe some effect of shooting up with HCG?  After arriving in Location X my throat started hurting, then I began sneezing.  I told Bean I didn't feel good and we stopped at the drug store.  On the way home my nose began running and now is a snotty, congested mess.  I don't mind air travel but why do I ALWAYS end up so sick after?

New Puppy

One Day old Chow Chow puppies

At the end of July I mentioned we put a deposit down on a new dog.  Due to demand and not being a common breed we were put on a waiting list.  We got a call Sunday and Loki's little sister, Coral, was born at Saturday.  She is part of a litter of six but the only female to be born.  Puppy plus shipping comes to $1250.  She'll be here on or after November 3rd.

-Selbe

Not Hopeful

Dog is super cute though...

Last two cycles I've been able to feel my ovaries, at least my right one that had follicles on it.  Even the tiny 10mm follicle.  This cycle, nothing.  My U/S is Thursday morning and something tells me this is not going to go good.  I'm trying to make a plan in advance if there are no follicles.  Ether I can go in for ovarian drilling surgery or do Femara plus injectables next cycle.  The surgery is good because I can get it done and still have the wait period before TTC again.  This will be the rest of the deployment.  Other than IUI with frozen sperm I'm not going to get much TTC in anyways.  Plus it could "cure" me or temporarily make my ovaries work better, or at least with low level drugs like dinky Clomid.  Only thing is my husband is not home so I'll have to find someone to drive and pick me up from the surgery.  

I'm not too hopeful for this U/S or even making it to IUI this cycle.

-Selbe

You Don't Want a Baby

Some days I'm not sure if this pisses me off or amuses me.  Here's a bunch of military wives on the topic of "I want a baby." 

View Full Size

Some lessons to learn from this:

1. Stress isn't going to cure low sperm count, deformed, non-swimming sperm.  It will not cure the lack of ovulation from PCOS.  It will not cure Endo.  It will not open up your tubes.  And if you had to have your uterus removed due to cancer, it's not going to grow back it.  Let me know if I left anyone out.  
2. Don't fucking complain.
3. Don't try and pawn off your kids to someone else.  I know you're trying to be funny and not actually putting them up for adoption.  It's hurtful saying "take mine hehe, oh never mind, just kidding" to someone that can't have children.
4. Don't even tell someone who has been TTC for over two years and had I miscarriage that they really don't want children.  Especially after everything myself any other women like me have all been through.
5. Think before you speak.  

One of these days I'm going to ask on this group what is the best way to get pregnant quick.  Or something along those lines.  And then post it because I'm sure some of those answers will be "helpful"

-Selbe

Family Gram 1/10

My first familygram to Bean.  Not exactly the best fertility news.

-Selbe

Another Round

Another round of Femara starts today.

First monitoring U/S for September 6th (CD13).

-Selbe

The Due Date

For months I dreaded my upcoming due date for my miscarriage.  But the day went fine without any tears.  Ever since I started spotting this cycle I began crying.  You are not out 'til AF is in full force so a little spotting could be implantation bleeding.  However, I still prepared myself for the worst.  It was a cry fest with all the typical first IUI feelings of why didn't it work mixed with sadness of why I miscarried.  I always thought of that baby as a miracle with it being an unmedicated cycle and I found out a week before Christmas.  Time went on and I haven't gotten PG since so I still see that as my miracle baby.  I've never been given anything different.  Often I wonder if that is it for me.  Was that my one and only child?  That's why I celebrate that baby more than other women that had a miscarriage after an opps PG or short time TTC.

I am grateful for all the friends that wrote on my Facebook wall Saturday.  I didn't expect so many people to remember.  Well I think FB kind of posts it with those whole Life Events things.  Ether way I was pleased.  No family said anything though, which always kind of hurts.  They don't really understand me or anything I'm going through.  I know once I get PG again they'll be happy and congratulate me.  But what about now?  What about this baby?

I got balloons the day before for a balloon release.  It's part of my fault I didn't get the special chemicals put into them because they didn't last long at all.  Next morning they were laying on my living room floor.  Great!  I took Loki to the dog park and picked up another balloon on the way home.

The balloon went up in the air with no tears.

That night I got on the ferry to Seattle and photographed the new Great Wheel ferris wheel.  

While riding over I listened to an Air Forces vet tell his whole live story about almost dying twice, his military days, and how he adopted two children from Vietnam.  They were visiting from Florida but killing a couple days in Seattle before going on a cruise to Alaska.  At the end of all this he asked, "What can you do with what you've got?"  

-Selbe

11dpt/10dpo

Trigger still in my system.

-Selbe

8dpo

9dpt 8dpo dpiui

Trigger is still hanging out.  Should be another day, two max, before it's completely out.

BBT is looking somewhat normal.  The reading come out better when I do them vaginally, not orally.  Is that an implantation dip on 7dpo?  Probably just wishful thinking.

-Selbe

Trigger Shot

I did my first injection yesterday.  It was into my stomach but really wasn't as bad as it sounds.

I took Ovidrel and it already comes in a prefilled syringe.  I think the cost is between $50-100 without insurance, mine was covered though.  It has to be refrigerated.  The shot is an injection of hCG hormone, same type found in pregnancy.  So you turn pregnancy tests positive for a week or so after. 

1. I woke up at 8am to get the meds out of my fridge and put on my counter.  It's good to have them at room temperature when it is injected.  Fell back asleep.
2. At 9am I woke back up to do the injection.  Since Ovidrel is prefilled there is no mixing or measuring like other fertility medication.  You just take it out of the package and the needle is already full of medication.  Take the cap off.
3. You know when on those doctor shows the actor flicks the needle a few times and they a tiny bit of fluid comes out the top?  It's to get the air to come out of the syringe.  Injecting someone with air can be fatal.  This is common sense to me but I know it is not to everyone.  Plus I've spent years filling syringes for my sick ferrets.  Even though everything is oral for them it is sometimes easier to get a better reading of how much medication is in the syringe without it part filled with air.   Hold the syringe with the needle pointing up so the air bubbles float to the top.  Flick it a few times so any lingering bubbles make it to the top also.  Then press on the plunger 'til all the air gets out and a little bit of liquid meds come out.  You want to make sure all the air is out but not lose much of the meds.  I probably went overboard but I'm more afraid of dying from air embolism than anything else.
4. Find a spot where you want to do the injection.  I was told on the belly about an inch or two below or to the side of my belly button.  I think you can also do your thigh or butt also.  But my legs are really muscular and I can't reach my own ass.  My stomach is good enough for me.  Wipe the spot with an alcohol swab.  Also wash your hands before you do this, and don't ever touch the needle.  You don't need to be injecting germs too.
5. I grabbed a fat roll or some skin (easy for some of us) and inserted the needle as far as it would go.  The length of the needle isn't too bad, only an inch or 2cm.  Then let go of the skin and slowly pushed on the plunger 'til everything was out.  Slowly pull the needle back out once it is empty.  
6. My directions told me to put gauze over the site but I didn't have any so I just put a Hello Kitty band-aid over it.  Not needed though.
7. Put the used syringe in a sharps container.  My RE told me they don't give out the actual container but (depending on where you live) I could put all my needles in a plastic soda bottle and then drop them off at a designated location.

I had no pain from this.  Even took a photo after the meds were injected and needle was still in me.  I've probably been through more medical procedures, surgery and testing than most women my age.  Not much is painful to me, or even worries me anymore.  One thing I learned a long time ago before infertility treatment and when I was dealing with cervical dysplasia is to believe that whatever you are going through is "normal".  And everyone else is a bunch of wimps.  This works better for me than seating around feeling sorry for myself.

My IUI is scheduled for today.  Bean has his appointment at 10:30 to make a deposit.  This will be our last fresh cycle for awhile.  And then I'm scheduled at 1:15 for the IUI.  

Packaging  

Filled Syringe

Tummy after

-Selbe

Ultrasound 8/6

I went to my CD15 ultrasound today.  The RE had a trainee with him today so he spent extra long with the U/S.  At first they couldn't find my uterus.  A shadow or something was in there.  I assured the RE it was still there.  (Gosh I'm going to turn into one of those.)  After five minutes or so and a lot of wand action he found it.  My lining was 8mm this time! Perfect for implantation.  Left ovary is doing nothing.  But the follicle on the right ovary is now 17.5mm!  

The plan:  I'll do OPKs all today, then tomorrow, then one Wednesday morning.  They are waiting for the natural LH surge.  If none come up positive then I'll trigger.  Which looks like a great possibly since my OPKs are still really light.  They showed me how and where to inject it, along with needle disposal.   Then I went to wait in a 45 minute line at the pharmacy to pick up the Ovidrel.

The only thing that seems odd is they told me to trigger on Wednesday morning or afternoon, but I've only ever heard of people triggering at night.  I'm going to call up the place doing my IUI tomorrow just to double check.

One of our first photos at a Navy Ball in 2007

• +OPK on Tuesday = IUI on Wednesday
• +OPK on Wednesday = IUI on Thursday
• Trigger on Wednesday = IUI on Thursday

I was told to BD tonight.  Check!  

Out three year wedding anniversary and five years together is on Wednesday.  

-Selbe

Ultrasound 8/3

Lining:  5.8mm

Right Ovary:  13mm (1)

Left Ovary: nothing good

So 13mm is larger than last cycle at 10mm.  The right and left ovary do have a bunch of tiny follicles but they don't count those.  Lining is a little weak.  I go back Monday for another u/s.

It could go ether way.  The 13mm can keep growing and become mature, which would mean IUI.  Or this could be it, like the 10mm before, and stop growing.  I'm trying not to get my hopes up for the IUI.  It looks more promising than last cycle, but far from set in stone.

If the 13mm is a dud I'll start Provera again.  Then next cycle will be Femara with injectables added.  I seem to respond better to Femara than Clomid.  

Photos from the Lavender Festival a couple weekends ago.

-Selbe

Ovacue Review

Ovacue Review

I planned on doing an Ovacue review after a couple cycles of using it.  Well these were not the cycles I expected, but still good enough to form an opinion.  I'm not really found of the device at all.

For those that don't know I bought it back in January after my miscarriage.  It sells as a bundle including the oral and vaginal reader for $330.  I bought it for a couple reasons.  Long term it is cheaper than buying OPKs, and temping doesn't work for me.  The website said it was good for PCOS and/or irregular cycles.  The site said that it can also tell the difference between ovulation and an anovulatory cycle.  The oral reader is quicker than a thermometer in the morning.  That and I just had a miscarriage.  It sounded like a good purchase for me.

The device reads your electrolyte levels and assigned them a number from 1 to 399.  When you get close to ovulation you'll have a high oral reading, followed by two lower ones.  Before ovulation the vaginal reading will become lower and lower.  When that number rapidly increases (like BBT) that is when ovulation takes place.

The actual digital device itself is alright, similar size an an iPhone (July 2012) but a little bit thicker.  It has a colour screen but a isn't touch screen.  The menus are kind of annoying to get through using the buttons.  Turning it on is done through a press of a button, turning it off you have to use the arrow keys and go through a few screens sometimes.

The oral sensor is easy to use, just put it on your tongue.  In three seconds it will give you a reading.  The vaginal sensor is a metal wand that looks creepy, but for those of us TTC for while we are used to strange things getting shoved up our vajayjay.  If you've ever used a dildo you'll be fine.   

Setting up the device for your cycle it asks for your average cycle length.  If you have PCOS you probably don't know this number.  After reading the instructional book and contacting the company they just told me to average the days of the last 3 or 6 cycles.  Mmm, kay.  So I averaged the cycles I actually ovulated on and got 30.6.  I set it up for 30 days. 

• Cycle 1 - Ovacue confirmed I ovulated around CD20.  Blood work (super low progesterone) & lack of AF for 60 days said I never ovulated.  I was given Provera.
• Cycle 2 - Ovacue confirmed I again ovulated.  Blood work & lack of AF for 75 day, I was given Provera.
• Cycle 3 - Ovacue confirmed I ovulated CD12 or CD14.  Blood work & ultrasound CD12 said otherwise.  Ultrasound CD15 also showed no past ovulation.  I'm currently on CD35 & just finished Provera.

Notice a pattern?  Every single cycle it has "confirmed" ovulation.  

Now the vagina readings.  If you get an "over 400" reading it is invalid and you have to take it again.  I tried over and over again with the same error message.  I've re-cleaned the wand off, plug it back in again, even tried to position it differently in my vag.  I still get the error message.  I thought maybe mine was broken.  Finally I get a normal reading of 395 or 397.  Well that's pretty close to 400.  The company told me it is impossible to get over 400 and that it must be user error or a broken device.  

Would I recommend this to someone with PCOS?  No.  Maybe it works better with someone with regular cycles.  To me it has the same useful knowledge as one of those free phone apps that I can put my average cycle day in and it will tell me when I'll ovulate.  Not worth $300.

New Design

I re-did my layout because I got tired of the old one.  That and someone mentioned to me awhile ago that my husband doesn't even wear the uniform that his cartoon picture was still in.  True, Bean switched uniforms last September and I never updated it.

Registry Updated

While walking past the baby section at Target the other day I saw this adorable onesie set with dinos on it.  Not sure what even made me glance over there since I tend to avoid that area as much as possible, this includes looking in that direction.  Anyways it was a boys set and just so cute even though I like girl's clothing more.  I came home and added it to the registry so I didn't forget it.  Then sat around for an hour adding 100+ more (mostly not needed) items to it.  I've only visited it a few times since my miscarriage, usually with sad thoughts.  This is a step in the right direction.  

If you know my real first and last time you are welcome to go searching for it.  

Knee Pain

My right knee has been giving me problems ever since I started running.  After a three mile run the other day it has been hurting all yesterday.  Even on our nine mile hike a couple weeks ago it was in pain towards the end of it.  Not sure if my sneakers are worn out but I decided to give a couple knee braces a try.  I really don't want to have to make a doctors appointment but I might need to.

I met another blogger in real life this past week.  Liz moved to this area the same time I did, lives the next town over from me and has a 6 month old son via IVF.  You guys can all go say hi!

-Selbe

Nasty Side Effects of Met

At Bean's Award Ceremony

TTC

My Met has been making me pretty sick lately.  Mostly the nausea and the other night I spent several hours vomiting.  Last night was pretty bad too.  I'm trying to find food that set this off, and other foods to cure it when the nausea starts.  Other days I am fine.  I'm going to try to increase to 1500mg in the next couple days.  Once I get to 1500mg I don't need to increase anymore.  The side effects will go away over time.

No other TTC news.  I'll call up Thursday to get my Provera and Femara prescription.  Which will involve peeing in a cup and standing in a long pharmacy line.  So a waste of a Friday at a military hospital.  CD30 will be Saturday for me, which is the earliest I can take Provera.  Five days of that, then twelve days of waiting and I should be set for next cycle.  Looking at July 30th.

I want to take a trip to the local tattoo place sometime soon.  I'd like to have the tattoo done on or near my due date but since I'll be in cycle that will not work.  So I need to decide to have it done soon (within the next two weeks) or early September.

Other News

Bean had his awards ceremony last week that I went to.  We are brand new and I haven't really made many friends in our current command.  I'm old (27 is the new 50 for military spouses), this isn't our first sea tour, and my husband made E-7 last year.  With the US military E-7 and up can't really hang out with E-6 and below in the same command (except there are a couple exceptions).  Which doesn't effect me much, but inviting my husband to your BBQ isn't going to happen.  My husband is your husband's boss so I feel odd.  Combine the fact that I'm infertile and have no kids.  Well I don't expect to be making too many friends soon.  

My Tummy

I toured the gym not too far from my house the other day.  It came to be more expensive than I realized ($40 a month, $70 start-up, $15 for classes).  My old gym was only $20/month for unlimited everything!  Plus the new gym seemed kind of high class and didn't have much equipment.  I'm going to stick to running and then lift at the base gym since it is free there.  

-Selbe

Plan for the Future

The Plan

There are some thing in life that I'm adamant about having a plan for.  Like the time in Greece where Bean and I took a bus three hours to a tourist spot only to find they were closed for the day.  I ended up crying on the side of the road because we didn't have a hotel room and I didn't want to take the bus back.  That trip should of had a plan.  And there are some things in my life that I'm "whatever" about.  Like my college degrees, none which I use and I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life.  

So what's the plan if Femara doesn't work?  Femara is shown to have better success in PCOS, especially after Clomid has failed.  But it is not 100%.  I have a little knowledge about my insurance, cost of meds, IUI and pills vs. injectables.

In NH:

• I was seen by an outside provider (base didn't have someone to deal with infertility)
• Since I did so horrible on Clomid I was getting switched to injectables - Gonal-f, which would cost me about $500 since I would be on a low dose at first
• Trigger shot - $50
• IUI, with all the blood work and ultrasounds - $2-2.5k
• Total Out-of-Pocket - $3,000

In WA:

• I was sent out to a local Army Hospital, where they do have fertility doctors
• I can do Clomid+injectables, or Femara+injectable (but not straight injectables) - The meds for this piggy back cycle would be free
• Trigger - free
• IUI - $200
• Total Out-of-Pocket - $200

My insurance will not cover straight injectables.  But they will cover a cycle mixed with pill form fertility drugs.  This is stupid and I don't really get it.  Something about funding.  So even it I do get injectables I'll still be taking Clomid or Femara, even if it does nothing for me.  This is just to make them happy.  Or I could pay the full price of the injectable.  This is at least until I make it to my IVF date, then it will be all injectables.  

They also talked about possible doing ovary drilling.  

Met

My Patriot Nails

I haven't had any bad side effects from Metformin 1000mg ether.  The worst of it is during the morning when I first wake up I am nauseous.  Usually if I eat like half a granola bar and fall back asleep I am fine.

Fourth of July

Happy 4th of July America!  Bean and I are going to eat some unhealthy non-organic, non-glute free fast food, drink Mike's Hard Lemonade and be one of those crazies that sets fireworks off.  Hopefully we will not hurt ourselves or set anything on fire in the process.  It will be some stupid fun, which I think we all need right now.

-Selbe

Tattoo Ideas

I increased my Metformin to 1000mg today.  I haven't had any bad side effects.  One day of diarrhea which was more like an mild lactose intolerant attack.  Any other side effect I can push off as having too much dairy.    

Source

Bean's last two cryopreservations only resulted in one vial each time.  I found out why is because it is washed before frozen, cutting down on space.  We currently owe SRM $500 and have two vials in the freezer.

I thought I'd share the tattoo idea I had.  I like the wings, I like the footprint (though I only want one, not two) and I like the halo but in blue.  The one in the picture is very small, I'd like 3 or 4 times the size of it.  I don't want any names or dates on it though.  Now I just have to find a tattoo place I trust, being new to the area in all.

I added some photos from our hike last weekend.  This is the Spruce Railroad Trail on Lake Crescent outside of Port Angeles, WA.

Bean & Loki

Blue water

Blue water

Mountains

Trail

Bridge

Selbe & Loki

For all those Twilight fans out there

-Selbe

The Teef

Ovary Pain

Bean and I went on a 9mi/14km walk this past weekend.  I mentioned out of all things that my ovaries hurt (yeah not my legs).  Actually my right ovary.  I might have a lot of follicles there, or maybe just a cyst acting up.  I did my OPKs and they are pretty dark for CD11.  Not sure if there is a good thing or because of my PCOS and having high LH levels.  

Lucky

I called my mum this morning.  Recently I decided to let her know more about my fertility problems so I talked about my ultrasounds.  She asked me why so many U/S and so I talked about my missing periods (she already knew about that) and my PCOS.  Then she told me I was lucky... because I don't get AF anymore.  Hmm, I don't feel so "lucky".

My mum just doesn't get it.

New Dentist

Today was my first appointment at my new dentist.  Every time I move I have to find new doctors, it really sucks.  Anyways I went on my insurance website and picked a random one.  Come to find out this general dentist also specializes in cosmetic dentistry.  They kept asking me what I'd like to change about my teeth.  I really just went in for a cleaning.

I have an appointment in a couple weeks for a cleaning.  I'm also having the chip in my tooth fixed, bonding it's called.  It's not that bad, I don't really even need to get it fixed since he said it will smooth out eventually.  More of my choice.  

Not Mine - Source

I had my back teeth sealed years ago when I was about 11.  I'm not sure how common it is, Bean had it done when he was younger also.  Everyone else I've mentioned it to looks at me like I'm insane.  Dental sealant is when they fill the indents in your back molars to prevent cavities.   My seals have begun to wear away and the indents are turning dark (pre-cavities).  I am going to have them re-sealed.  It seemed to work all these years.  I haven't had any cavities yet, despite the fact I haven't been to a dentist in two years.  

My wisdom teeth are still impacted.  Bean has always been one of those people that think if you have wisdom teeth that they have to be removed.  I'm pretty sure everyone in his family has had theirs taken out by age 16.  I'm someone who fears the process of cutting open the gun, cracking the tooth in a bunch of pieces and then taking it out piece by piece.  Even with all the other surgeries I've had done having wisdom teeth removed still freaks me out.  Anyways my top two look fulling formed, facing down but stuck in the bone.  I was told about 10 years ago they would erupt soon.  They are sitting in the exact same spot.  My bottom right is fully form and facing the wrong way.  It will never come through the gum.  My bottom left is missing, which happens sometimes.  I just wasn't born with the bud, I'm told it has to do with evolution.  Even with Bean edging me to have them removed I so far have been told by two different dentists to just leave them unless with cause problems.  I win for now.  I'm past the average age for the teeth to come in (27) and due to the lack of movement they have done in the past decade it is estimated that they will never erupt in my lifetime.   

I've been pretty lucky with my teeth considering I have no cavities (even when I forgot to make cleaning appointment for years) and my wisdom teeth are missing.  I also never lost all my baby teeth. My guess is at least four remain.  I was slow at loosing the teeth to begin with.  My last one was lost at 12 and then had to wait two more years 'til I was 14 before they gave up waiting and slapped braces on them.  My X-Ray at 16 when the braces were removed showed several adult teeth buds still in the gum.  The buds have since dissolved over the years.  Even with my fertility and the hearing/allergy mess I got pretty lucky with my teeth.  At least something in this body worked out right.

For the teeth cleaning, chip repair and sealing it is going to cost me $400 that my insurance will not pay for.  That's fine.

My Actual Bottom Teeth

And then there are my chocked teeth, mainly the bottom.  They are not too bad since I had metal braces and a few other appliances in my teens.  My teeth were really bad before then, I have overcrowding issues.  But my retainers no longer fit and the teeth have begun shifting.  The dentist was looking at another type of braces for my bottom teeth.  Not the big metal ones I had years ago (where my only hope of looking "cool" with them was changing the colours each visit), but clear ones similar to Invisalign.  Except they'll be permanently attached.  The cost is $2,500 which my insurance covers nothing of.  I'm still on the fence about it.  You really can't see the difference in photos.  But they will also never get any better, possibly worse.  We are still deciding.  

Garden Trip

Last week I took a walk to a local garden and thought I'd post some photos.  This is The Bloedel Reserve on Bainbridge Island, WA.

Snow Covered Mountains (in June)

Myself

Japanese Garden

-Selbe