BFN, TWW and Move to IUI

My OPKs got confusing this cycle so I don't know when I ovulated.  I got a dark positive CD12, then another a little lighter positive CD13.  There was also a lot of soreness on both the right and left sides from CD12-CD15.  And clear fluid CD12 and CD13.  Lets just guess and say CD14 was when I ovulated.  I'd be 13dpo today.

Not Pregnant

I never got any more pregnancy tests with a line as dark as the other day.  So NOT PREGNANT.  Maybe it was an evaporated line or something? 

There is still time, I didn't get my last BFP 'til 15dpo.  But I don't feel pregnant.  I also don't feel like I'm going to get my period tomorrow or Sunday.  I've gotten menstrual cramps all week, however, they only last a few hours at the most and then disappear again.  I don't know what to think.

I'll try another pregnancy test in the morning.

New Doctors and New Procedures Coming Soon

I went to get registered on base for my insurance today.  My old base I got sent out into the civilian world for my ENT, OBGYN and RE, just because they didn't have doctors there to care for me.  This base is much larger and has many of those things.  My first thought, "they can't possibly have the correct services to care for my screwed up self, I want a REAL doctor."  And then, 

"look at those girls in the OBGYN clinic, they're all pregnant and so young. I hope they don't expect me to sit in there with them."  I was pissed about the latest BFN.  Last thing I want to do is get stuck in a waiting room with a bunch of pregnant women who don't have the slightest idea what infertility is about.

I'm not sure how long it is going to take to get an appointment with my primary doctor, then OBGYN, then finally send me to a fertility specialist.  My husband's job sends him away from long periods of time with no real schedule.  This starts in a couple weeks.  This current cycle was our last TTC naturally (as in penis in vagina).  Maybe a couple times a year we'll get a chance but they'll be no schedule ahead of time or planning.  And with myself being annovulatory a lot of time, well I'm even more useless.

IUI - Source

I'm moving forward with IUI.  It was a decision made last year once my husband started going out to sea again, though I hoped I'd get pregnant and stay pregnant so it wouldn't come down to this.  It will be with my husband's frozen sperm so I'm not waiting on his schedule.  And I'll probably be using all injectables, unless they decide to give Clomid another try with monitoring this time.  I'm hoping to get all these appointments done, whatever testing they want, and the sperm in the freezer by August so I can start the IUI then.  Not sure if that is a realistic date with military doctors.  The waiting list is a year or two out for IVF so that's not doing to happen anytime soon.  My husband's schedule is going to be like for for the next three years.  I see the women in their 30's and 40's at the RE office, I know my insides are failing already.  I need to get this done and not wait three years.

No BFP and AF this weekend, then IUI is my next step.

On the positive I always did want twins, and IUI will bring me closer to that.

My two week wait symptoms:

Abdomen

Bloating - 0dpo-now off & on - Could be anything.  I feel fat sometimes.
Ovary Pain - 0dpo-2dpo - Ovulation?
Sharp/Stabbing Pains/Pulling/Twinges - 0dpo-2dpo - Ovulation.
Cramps - 4dpo-6dpo light, 10dpo strong, 11dpo-now middle - Could be AF coming.
Sore Muscles - 3dpo-now off & on - Lots of moving around.

Back & Legs

Backache - 8dpo-12dpo - Pain in the middle, usually I have upper or lower.

Chest

Heartburn - 6dpo - Burning throat, not sure what heartburn feels like.
Sore Breast - 2dpo-9dpo sore, 10dpo-12dpo really sore, 13dpo really really sore - Could be high estrogen or progesterone.

Emotional

Irritability - 11dpo-now - Could be PMS.
Happy - 0dpo-now - Ether really happy or PMS.
Anxious - 10dpo-now - I want this TWW to be over.

Head

Bleeding Nose - 12dpo - Dry nose?
Headache - 0dpo-now - Normal.
Stuff Nose - 4dpo-now - Allergies?
Dizziness/Light Headed - 9dpo-10dpo

Overall

BBT Luteal Phase Dip - 7dpo - Gave up on BBT though.
Vivid Dreams - 11dpo-now

Skin

Acne Breakout - 0dpo-now

Pelvis

Diarrhea - 7dpo-now off & on - With a lot of dairy.
Increased Cervical Fluid - 11dpo-now
Increased Appetite - 2dpo-now - Sometimes I've just starving, other times I'm fine.
Nausea - 5dpo-now - Morning and nights before I go to bed.  Sometimes it's so bad I almost dry heave.  This happens frequently when I don't eat much.
Food Aversion - 11dpo-now - Chicken.  Keep it away from me.

-Selbe

Ovulation?

I'm going at ask for progesterone blood work for Friday morning.  I feel like crap, I think I really might of ovulated last Thursday.  I gave up on the OPKs and the Ovacue, it was CD43!  My boobs are slightly sore, back is in pain, head feel like I have a sinus infection (without the pain), snotty nose, dizzy, new zits all over the face, nauseous and the only thing I wanted to eat today was mint chocolate chip ice cream.  I don't even like that kind of ice cream!

It's been seven weeks since my D&C, still no period.  In fact my LMP is still mid-November.

My two week wait from December, day before I found out I was pregnant.

-Selbe

Estrogen to Progesterone

Nothing good, nothing bad happening.  I think I might have ovulated?  My current chart is here.  My Ovacue marked me down as ovulating 2/13, which was CD19 for me.  For the vaginal sensor it is supposed to drop in numbers before ovulation (240, 226, 213, 179, 135).  Then rapidly increase in numbers as ovulation starts to happen (266, 320, 396).  This shows the switch from estrogen to progesterone production.  So Ovacue is 100% sure I ovulated.  

OPKs are not so sure.  Wondfo brand is pretty dark, maybe even positive.  So I will ovulate soon or just did.  First Response is really light, no ovulation there.  And Clearblue digital yes or no is saying negative too.  I didn't test on CD18 so I might of missed it.  

Top: Wondfo hCG pregnancy test -.
Middle: Wondfo LH ovulation test +.
Bottom: First Response ovulation test -.

Line is gone or pretty much all the way gone on the home pregnancy tests.  My next beta is in the morning.

Captain Optimistic:  This probably won't be my month.  That would be too prefect.  My body doesn't do prefect.  I did think the other day my back hurt at work "like I'm pregnant."  Silly thought went away quick.  It's probably just from standing in one spot for 8 hours doing the same movement.  

At least the Ovacue is following some sort of trend.  Anything is better than the BBT (basal body temperature). 

They are still unsure what is wrong with my dizziness.  My primary doctor said there was fluid behind my right ear, but not infected.  He gave me M for the vertigo and sent me to my ENT.  My ENT saw me today and she couldn't find any fluid.  She narrowed it down to two things.  A.  I have some sort of infection in my nose.  I'm normally a snotty mess all the time thanks to my allergies.  In December I got pregnant and stopped my allergy shots.  My nose began bleeding, which is normal in pregnancy so I didn't think anything of it.  Well having the bleeding for so long, the usual snot in the nose, plus breathing in whatever germs I do working with the public, they think I might have developed an infection.  Only myself this would happen to.  Which is now bothering my sinuses and ears.  They took a sample of nose snot and are running it for bacteria.  I have some nose cream antibiotic for now.  Along with nasal rinse and nose spray to help heal the bleeding.  B.  They hooked me up to the middle ear analyzer.  Right ear was fine, left wasn't even on the chart, so not fine.  Possible something wrong with the eustachian tube.  

Valentine's Day was good.  My husband is working a horrible shift at work right now so I don't see him much.  He got me some candy, card and roses.  I got him an iPhone 4 (he had old 3G that was really slow, and 4s didn't seem worth the money).  And then the ferrets and dog a toy.  Bean took me out to dinner at a diner when he got home at 2AM. Nothing too special, but it was still a good day/night/morning.

-Selbe

It's 9AM Somewhere

CD8

"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have." - My new favorite quote.

One week post D&C.  I feel fine.  My RE told me no sex for 7 days.  I made it 6 days 'til the night before and told Bean a couple hours will not hurt, and that it's 9AM somewhere (about the time my D&C was done).  I got my way.  The bleeding had stopped the day before and there was no pain.  I did have a little bit for red blood after the act but that has since stopped too.  

My biggest issues are 1. dizziness; 2. exhaustion.  The dizziness has good and bad days.  I'm trying to suck it up.  Exhaustion is from high pregnancy hormones still in my body, everything I've been though physically and mentally, and from my really bad allergies that are at their worse this time of year.  And I'm really stubborn sometimes so it is hard to get me to sit down and rest.

PG test week after D&C

My next hCG beta blood test is in the morning.  This will tell me much how much pregnancy hormones are still floating around in me.  Hope for low numbers, probably will not happen though.  My pregnancy tests are still coming out really dark.

I returned to the gym tonight.  I was watching a show about weight loss (TLC show, My 600-lb Life) via gastric bypass surgery.  The women had become pregnant after losing all this weight.  My first thought is this show sucks now as they showed how excited they were at ultrasound #1.  But then the baby's heart stopped and it showed her going for a D&C.  I can relate now.  The husband came on to say how long they were trying for and how happy they were, only to have it ripped away so soon.  Unfortunately this is an all too common story.  Not sure if the D&C was all hyped up for TV, but I handling it way better than this women.  I had no tears surgery day, in fact I was smiling because this crappy road was coming to an end.  I knew my baby was gone and there was nothing that could be done.  There is no point in carrying my dead child around in the uterus any longer, it was time to move on.  And I sure as hell wasn't laying in the backseat of the car whining in pain or crying the whole way home.   So if you are scheduled for a D&C don't watch that episode.

Loki on Graduation Day

I watched another women at the gym tonight.  I always want to know what others are lifting so I can compare myself.  My arms are a lot weaker than the rest of my body, 30-90lbs I can lift.  Next my abs, 70-90lbs.  Then my legs, 130-230lbs.  I'm not super skinny at all.  I'm 5'1", 150lbs. and my BMI is around 28 which puts me right under obese.  (Stomach 7 weeks pregnant.)  I haven't been to the gym in weeks due to being on restriction and so tired.  When I see women similar in size and age to me, but lifting way less, taking huge breaks between reps, texting, and most likely not one week post surgery, well I don't feel so crappy.  

My little puppy finished his first obedience class on Tuesday.  He turned 3 months old on January 21st.  It was only the really basic puppy class.  He learned sit, lay down, come, and stand.  I got him at 7 weeks old and signed him up for classes before he even came home (I wanted to be prepared).  So he had a hard time concentrating in the class since he is so young.  I felt bad for the trainer since a few of the classes he just wasn't with it.  But this week he graduated.  Bean and I took him to pick out a toy for his present.  Well $20 bucks later he now has a new favorite toy with many "indestructible" squeakers. *sigh*  Least he's happy.

-Selbe

Day Four

Bean & I

CD 6

As for my D&C I'm doing fine.  Some minor cramping, nothing too painful.  My bleeding has become less and less, and turned from red to brown.  Some "chunks" but I've seen worse.  I'm also a little moody, like PMS or Clomid angry.  So it just feels like a normal period.  

A commenter wrote on one of my other posts that CD1 starts when my hCG = zero, and that O might be later.  I'm still going to count the D&C as CD1 and keep counting from there.  It just makes it easier to keep track of things right now.  And then maybe restart CD1 once hCG is zero, or something.  I'm sure that will not be for awhile ether way.  

In December I mentioned I didn't care if I got pregnant or not, as long as I ovulated.  Same holds true now.  My ovaries need to go back to kindergarden.  Step 1:  Mature egg(s),  Step 2: Release them.  We can figure out the whole sperm and sex thing later on.  You can fill my uterus with swimmer until it's completely full but it will still do no good.  I don't care if I ovulate late, or if my real period just shows up randomly.  But for the love of PCOS, please ovaries don't make me sit around 'til CD90 and end up on Provera again.  Just do something, anything!

If I can get knocked up without fertility drugs, and some weird herbal stuff I bought on Amazon, then I'm going to get knocked up again on the weird herbal stuff.  This will be my approach until I get desperate enough to spend the $3k on an IUI.  The herbal stuff (Vitex) makes you poop a lot.  I forgot about this side effect when I started it last fall.  Oh well, my system with stabilize again and I'll be back to normal soon.

What's most annoying side effect from this whole thing?  I can't find its connection but I'm still really dizzy.  Actually I Googled it because I wasn't sure the different between dizzy, lightheaded and vertigo.

Loki & I

• The stuff around me is moving.  Sometimes it just randomly moves.  Other times I turn my head a certain way.  Or I blink and when I open my eyes it is moving.  Only lasts a few second then returns to normal again.  This happens when I'm standing or sitting, but not when I'm laying down.  - This is vertigo.
• When vertigo happens I feel like I'm going to fall down.  Or pass out, or hit the floor.  It's scary, especially at work.  I don't want to fall. - This is lightheadedness.

I feel like I'm drunk.  I went to a dinner this past Saturday.  I didn't drink or dance, or do any type of moving around really.  Just sat there.  I planned on drinking but didn't feel good all day and when I went to the bathroom I couldn't get the bathroom to stop moving.  I figured mixing booze and my current state wouldn't turn out well.  (PS it was an 80's party.  I added some photos since I'm normally bad about that.)

I've tried Sea Band, Dramamine and ginger ale.  Nothing works.  I don't know where it is coming from.  My shitty lagging pregnancy symptoms, surgery, future ear infection on the way, trauma?  If anyone has any tips on how to make it go away they will be greatly appreciated.  My appointment with my primary doctor isn't for a couple weeks for this.

-Selbe