My saliva ferning has been going crazy since I O'ed last cycle. All through my 2ww, AF and up until now. I'm not sure what that means besides that I have a lot of Estrogen in my system. My cervix was soft all week, but now has gone back to being firm again. It's currently CD14. My first AO (anovulatory) cycle that I tracked it went from soft to firm over and over again so that concerns me. My OPKs are still really light too. Those are my biggest worries. That and I don't feel anything like cramps. So I'm worried this will be another AO cycle.
I'm also worried because this is my third cycle on Clomid. If I do the standard six cycles this means I am already half done and I feel like I've only made a tiny step forward.
I'm unsure about my doctor. He seems nice and does whatever I ask for the most part. But every pregnant women I know also goes to that office. It's just a standard OBGYN and they can only do so much for me. Any blood work or ultrasounds I need I am sent to the hospital next door since they can't do those things in-house. I think I have moved to the point of needed an RE instead, especially if this cycle is AO. I'd love to have the mid-cycle U/S to see if these ovaries are actually doing anything.
I threw two forks at a wall last night (no damage) after getting pissed at Bean. Then I cried with my irrational thoughts for an hour before falling asleep. I woke up this morning and also cried in fear of an AO cycle. I'm trying to pull it together for a friend's baby shower this afternoon. I know it's supposed to be a happy time for her but I also don't want to be a crying, snotty mess. And I'd prefer not to show up intoxicated.