Fertility Treatment is Elective

Edward wants some new
tits too!

I am so fucking sick of women that have the same insurance company as myself asking if they cover cosmetic, plastic surgery, boob jobs or whatever the fuck else.  There is a rumor that they will cover one cosmetic surgery per life.  An exception I can think of is if you are in a car accident in need facial reconstruction.  Or you have large breast that cause back pain and other health problems.  

If you have A or B boobs and want them bigger, pay for them yourself.  Or lipo or a butt lift or whatever else you may hate about yourself.

And don't even use the "I feel negatively about myself and I'm depressed" excuse.  I have fat thighs, stretch marks, acne scars and my right boob is smaller than my left.  I'm not depressed and crying over those things.  Maybe I just have more depressing things to actually waste my time blowing snot about.

If my insurance company pays for someone to have D cups so they can feel better about themselves, well then they also need to pay for my whole IUI/IVF cycle.  Just saying.  

I'm so sick of fertility treatment getting put in the same group as plastic surgery, elective.  I didn't choose this, I didn't want to be infertile.  

-Selbe

Prescription Mess

I went to pick up my Clomid today.  It became more of a mess than I ever thought picking up a prescription could be.  It seems like everything here turns the simplest things into a clusterfuck. 

I went to the pharmacy earlier in the afternoon because later on the wait is insanely long.  If I get in and out before 2PM then I'm good.  I figured it would take 30-45 minutes, I'd be home in about an hour to take the dog to the dog park on this nice day.  I showed up at 1PM, grabbed a number and waited for it to get called.  They were on 404, I was 412.  It took about 25 minutes to get to my number and I went up to the counter.

There are two pharmacies here.  This one mentioned above, Bremerton.  And the one my RE is at, Madigan.  Bremerton is a lot closer, only 15 minutes away verse the hour drive to Madigan.  Obviously I want to drive to the closer one.  The RE will send my prescriptions (like Provera last week) to Bremerton so I don't have to drive.

At the counter the lady told me my prescription was already filled at Madigan, so they can't refill my prescription here.  The RE did send it to Bremerton, but for some reason Madigan grabbed it off the system instead, poured the pills in the bottle, stuck my name of it and put it on the shelf for me to pick up.  I don't understand why they would do this.  The auto-fill option (which I didn't even know they could do) is great... if I was going to Madigan.  My only option is to drive the hour to the other pharmacy.

I tried to get a hold of the RE but no luck.  About 95% of the time they never answer the phone and it goes to voicemail.  Bean started calling too.  I got the the gas station about a mile down the road to get gas since I wasn't going to make it to Madigan anyways.  I also grabbed a soda & snack because I didn't realized this was going to be an all day thing.  The apple and water I brought was not going to last.  Bean got a hold of them and told me they would have it back at Bremerton at 2PM.  It was 1:55 so I went back to Bremerton.

I met the lady in the elevator that helped me before.  She told me not to grab a number but at 2:05 and 2:10 it went from "filled" to missing all together.  I grabbed a number just in case.  I was 460, they were on 439.  I waited a half hour, they only made it to 444.  I cut in line at a window and asked if they had my prescription in the system yet.  Still missing.  I turned around and walked out so I could just drive to Madigan.  

In the car I went to open my soda.  It exploded everywhere.  There I was in my wet pants and sticky steering wheel, even more pissed off than before.  I drove home to change my clothes.

This time Bean came with me.  I got there went right to the desk.  It was 3:15PM, I was sick of waiting.  The first person I just asked if the prescription was in, I wasn't going to grab a number to fill it if it wasn't even there.  This asshole tells me to "pick a number" and won't even help me.  I grab a number, 511, they are currently on 490.  OK, this is bull shit.  This was my third number and I've been waiting over two hours.  

I went to another window.  This lady at least looked it up.  They found it!  She told me to pick a number to have it filled.  OK, but I still don't want to have to wait.  I went over to the window of the lady I had before, the elevator lady.  (This has to be the best person I dealt with all day!)  She remembered me and put it in to get filled immediately.  About 15 minutes later my name was called and everything was set.  It was 3:45, I had waited just under 3 hours!  BTW number 511 hadn't been called by the time we left.  

Bean filled a complaint before we left because he was so upset at this.  Along with last weeks problem, when they lost my referral in early May, and Dr. Idiot refusing to do pretty many anything for me.  The IUI ($200) and IVF ($6,000) are really cheap here, that's why I stay on Tricare Prime insurance.  I can switch to Tricare Standard and get away from these people, but the cost of the IUI ($3,000) and IVF ($13,000) increase when I go out in town.

I waited three hours for them to fix someones mistake.  Least I think that's what happened.  Not sure if I just don't understand how this health care system works out here and I'm slow.  Or they are really bad at explaining it to me.  I seem to always running into trouble.  

-Selbe

Health Insurance & WIC

My Current Cycle

Each day goes by with no AF and all BFN.  I'm beginning to think I never ovulated.  Fuck.  Since my D&C my ovaries have begun shutting down again.  I wont get AF until they give me Provera again.  Maybe I'll start taking my Vitex again (I stopped after what I thought was O).  I'm going to be happy to start fertility drugs again and be monitored.    

My Insurance & Military Treatment Facilities

There are two main MTF (military treatment facility, military hospitals) in the area.  MTF Bremerton (US Navy) is 20 minutes away and the primary one I go to.  MTF Madigan (US Army) an hour away.  MTF Bremerton does basic OBGYN, low-risk pregnancy and low end fertility treatment (Clomid only, no trigger, injectables, IUI or IVF).  Since I have already done my five rounds of Clomid with no luck I am ready to move on.  In order for me to go to MTF Madigan I need a referral from my PCM (primary doctor) at MTF Bremerton, I just can't make an appointment there on my own.  

There are only a handful of MTF on the country that do more advanced fertility treatments.  Our last base was MTF Portsmouth, they didn't do much of anything there.  The closest to Portsmouth was 500 miles away in Washington DC (I believe).  So I was sent out into the civilian world.  Hence how I ended up at FCNE with Dr. H.

This is for Tricare Prime.  The only way I can get out of this referral system is downgrading to Tricare Standard.  I can see whatever doctor I pick in the civilian world (as long as they take Tricare) but have to pay copays.  Depending on your situation one can be better than the other.  But fertility treatment at a MTF tends to be cheaper than at a civilian doctor.

I'm hoping that my one natural pregnancy, although failed and ended with a miscarriage, means I'll have good odds with more advanced fertility treatments.  Though I've ovulated about five times in two years, I do have a good chance of getting PG when I ovulate.  IF I ovulate.

Referral Runaround

MTF Bremerton pissed me off yesterday.  At my appointment on Monday they told me my referral to MTF Madigan would be put in and in two days I could call up to make my next appointment.  

I called up yesterday (two days) to schedule my appointment.  The appointment line could not find my referral so they could not give me an appointment.

I called the referrals office.  They also couldn't find my referral, ether processed or waiting to be processed.

I then called my PCM that gave me the referral to begin with.  They couldn't find the doctor, or the referral and had no idea when they would.  Zero help.

Which left me only one option, call the appointment line and make another appointment with my PCM for another referral.

The appointment line only had two appointment available: A. in nine minutes; B. in two weeks.  Nine minutes just wouldn't work, and two weeks seems like a long wait for someone else's fuck up.  

So I drove there and talked to a couple people in person.  The PCM forgot to put the referral in.  I was informed a new one would be put in today and in two days (hopefully) I could make an appointment.  Which I'm sure in itself won't be for a month or so from now.  

WIC

I grew up in a family where getting food stamps, WIC or any other types of government programs was avoided as much as possible unless really needed.  It was an embarrassment.  My father says that times are changing and it's become less of an humiliation and more of people abusing the system.  I do believe there are many people out there abusing it, for as long as possible.  I also believe there are those that really do need it.  Our system just sucks at weeding out those that are abusing it and giving it to those that need it.  

I have been on government programs twice in my life.  I didn't have health insurance in my teens and early 20's, no job that offered it, no money to pay for private health care, and still in college.  I had government health insurance to remove cervical dysplasia, since that becomes worse if not taken care of.  Then another time to remove my tonsils since I was in a lot of pain and could not pay for the surgery out-of-pocket.  During this time I ate the same cheap food everyday and would donate blood to get free cookies and juice.  Though I was eligible, never during this time did I sign up for food stamps.   

I've also worked retail at several places that accepted food stamps (now EBT, no wait SNAP) and WIC. Again there are people out there that really do need food stamps.  Food stamps covers most food items. Every once and awhile I'd have a customer want to buy a "food item" and the card wouldn't accept it.  One example was years ago I had customer want to buy one of those tins filled with popcorn that stores sell around Christmas time.  The tins with not the greatest in the world but tolerable popcorn, and once you got done eating it (or throwing the stall shit out) a plastic bag was stuck in it and use around the house as a trash can, until it begins to rust.  She flipped out on me.  I've watched customers buy lobster, potato chips, soda pop, gum, and candy with food stamps.  Never fruits, vegetables or Ramen noodles.  I'm sorry, but if someone is broke and starving they have learned that if you eat certain foods they fill you up better than others, regardless of the calories.  And they know just how much sometimes cost.  I was limited growing up by my father on what I could buy at the grocery store to about $10/week.  One time I even got yelled at for wanting bread and milk in the same week.  Yes it was probably wrong on his part, and not something I'd do to my own child, but fuck I figured it out.  And now taxes are pulled from my crappy minimum wage job to pay for such programs. I don't really give a fuck that your Easter candy and not covered and how you "need" it.  Bitch to me and I'll tell you the real difference between a NEED and a WANT.  

Now moving on to WIC.  I like WIC better than food stamps because it does limit what you can purchase with it, such as only approved cereal, cheese, produce, formula, etc.  However WIC is a bitch for cashiers to ring out.  The WIC program requires cashier to go as far as writing their numbers perfectly (yes, they provide you a sheet on how to write a "7" correct).  Along with making sure the products are the correct type stated on the check and approved by WIC.  When a customer goes to use all her newly expiring WIC checks all at once it takes a great deal of time. 

I bring up this topic because Bean and I went to Wal-Mart late at night a few days ago.  When we got in line at 11:50PM there was only one person in front of us.  A lady, several years younger than myself, not married and with her daughter (about 1 year old) in the cart.  First off, it's almost midnight.  That child should be in bed asleep.  I don't understand why people don't have a sit bedtime and bring their kids out shopping late at night.  (Fuck, my six month old puppy even has a bedtime and falls asleep at 10PM, midnight the latest, each night!)  And then I looked at the belt and saw it.  Her separated stacks of groceries (baby food & formula) and the stack of EIGHT WIC checks right besides it.  

My infertile self got pissed.  She's broke, unmarried, has a child and for the next fifteen minutes I'm forced to stare at her in front of me.  Bean and I have been married for three years, have money (enough), a house, a dog, two cars and zero babies.  All I have to show for it is this shit and a dead baby.  Spectacular!  I looked at Bean and then her and mentioned something along the lines of "that is what you get when you don't use birth control".  Some days I admit, I'm just not a good person.

Not My Kind

Sometimes I wonder when I do get pregnant again how I'd react to other pregnant women around me that haven't had the same trials.  What if they got PG with little trying or on accident, instead of with fertility drugs, procedures and surgery?  Will I feel like they are not my kind?  Will I feel like I am above them? Especially if my pregnancy COST more (fertility treatment) than theirs?

Other Links

My old RE is offering a contest for a free IVF cycle.  This is only for those living in ME, NH, VT, MA, CT and RI.  You can enter to win by filling out the entry form here.  

An ultrasound device has been invented to work on smart phones.  I'd buy it if it wasn't $8k.  

-Selbe

BFN, TWW and Move to IUI

My OPKs got confusing this cycle so I don't know when I ovulated.  I got a dark positive CD12, then another a little lighter positive CD13.  There was also a lot of soreness on both the right and left sides from CD12-CD15.  And clear fluid CD12 and CD13.  Lets just guess and say CD14 was when I ovulated.  I'd be 13dpo today.

Not Pregnant

I never got any more pregnancy tests with a line as dark as the other day.  So NOT PREGNANT.  Maybe it was an evaporated line or something? 

There is still time, I didn't get my last BFP 'til 15dpo.  But I don't feel pregnant.  I also don't feel like I'm going to get my period tomorrow or Sunday.  I've gotten menstrual cramps all week, however, they only last a few hours at the most and then disappear again.  I don't know what to think.

I'll try another pregnancy test in the morning.

New Doctors and New Procedures Coming Soon

I went to get registered on base for my insurance today.  My old base I got sent out into the civilian world for my ENT, OBGYN and RE, just because they didn't have doctors there to care for me.  This base is much larger and has many of those things.  My first thought, "they can't possibly have the correct services to care for my screwed up self, I want a REAL doctor."  And then, 

"look at those girls in the OBGYN clinic, they're all pregnant and so young. I hope they don't expect me to sit in there with them."  I was pissed about the latest BFN.  Last thing I want to do is get stuck in a waiting room with a bunch of pregnant women who don't have the slightest idea what infertility is about.

I'm not sure how long it is going to take to get an appointment with my primary doctor, then OBGYN, then finally send me to a fertility specialist.  My husband's job sends him away from long periods of time with no real schedule.  This starts in a couple weeks.  This current cycle was our last TTC naturally (as in penis in vagina).  Maybe a couple times a year we'll get a chance but they'll be no schedule ahead of time or planning.  And with myself being annovulatory a lot of time, well I'm even more useless.

IUI - Source

I'm moving forward with IUI.  It was a decision made last year once my husband started going out to sea again, though I hoped I'd get pregnant and stay pregnant so it wouldn't come down to this.  It will be with my husband's frozen sperm so I'm not waiting on his schedule.  And I'll probably be using all injectables, unless they decide to give Clomid another try with monitoring this time.  I'm hoping to get all these appointments done, whatever testing they want, and the sperm in the freezer by August so I can start the IUI then.  Not sure if that is a realistic date with military doctors.  The waiting list is a year or two out for IVF so that's not doing to happen anytime soon.  My husband's schedule is going to be like for for the next three years.  I see the women in their 30's and 40's at the RE office, I know my insides are failing already.  I need to get this done and not wait three years.

No BFP and AF this weekend, then IUI is my next step.

On the positive I always did want twins, and IUI will bring me closer to that.

My two week wait symptoms:

Abdomen

Bloating - 0dpo-now off & on - Could be anything.  I feel fat sometimes.
Ovary Pain - 0dpo-2dpo - Ovulation?
Sharp/Stabbing Pains/Pulling/Twinges - 0dpo-2dpo - Ovulation.
Cramps - 4dpo-6dpo light, 10dpo strong, 11dpo-now middle - Could be AF coming.
Sore Muscles - 3dpo-now off & on - Lots of moving around.

Back & Legs

Backache - 8dpo-12dpo - Pain in the middle, usually I have upper or lower.

Chest

Heartburn - 6dpo - Burning throat, not sure what heartburn feels like.
Sore Breast - 2dpo-9dpo sore, 10dpo-12dpo really sore, 13dpo really really sore - Could be high estrogen or progesterone.

Emotional

Irritability - 11dpo-now - Could be PMS.
Happy - 0dpo-now - Ether really happy or PMS.
Anxious - 10dpo-now - I want this TWW to be over.

Head

Bleeding Nose - 12dpo - Dry nose?
Headache - 0dpo-now - Normal.
Stuff Nose - 4dpo-now - Allergies?
Dizziness/Light Headed - 9dpo-10dpo

Overall

BBT Luteal Phase Dip - 7dpo - Gave up on BBT though.
Vivid Dreams - 11dpo-now

Skin

Acne Breakout - 0dpo-now

Pelvis

Diarrhea - 7dpo-now off & on - With a lot of dairy.
Increased Cervical Fluid - 11dpo-now
Increased Appetite - 2dpo-now - Sometimes I've just starving, other times I'm fine.
Nausea - 5dpo-now - Morning and nights before I go to bed.  Sometimes it's so bad I almost dry heave.  This happens frequently when I don't eat much.
Food Aversion - 11dpo-now - Chicken.  Keep it away from me.

-Selbe

Post-Op Appointment 3/29

You know a doctor's office is expensive
when you see these in the waiting room.

Today was my last appointment with my RE since I'm moving. We went over the surgery from last week.

Uterus looks normal.  Nothing wrong with it and it has been cleared for a "healthy pregnancy".  The abrasions they found during surgery in October are gone.  And the D&C in January left no scar tissue or damage.

Estrogen blood work from a couple weeks ago was high.  But RE isn't concerned.

One of my ultrasounds (ether in January or September) shows I have lots of follicles (eggs) in my ovaries.  They look good for 27 years old.

Biopsy of my uterine lining shows I'll get my period soon.  It has high levels of something I forgot the name of.  First he said that was because I ovulated.  I asked when he thought that was, because I don't.  Then said it might be due to the Provera I was taking being absorbed.  That's a better explanation since I was on it for the whole week before.  I should get my period in the next few days, or a week max.

In Memory of Munchlet

I started using my Ovacue right after my D&C.  It is starting to show I'm becoming fertile (changing from white to light blue to medium blue).  I'm not getting too excited because I think it's too soon after my D&C (week & half) for my body to become getting ready to ovulate.  That and my hormones or something are probably all screwed up.  I can't even use OPKs (ovulation predictor kit) because if I show up positive on an pregnancy test then every OPK I take is also going to be positive.  In fact VERY positive, I decided to test it out today just for the hell of it.  The hCG (pregnancy test) and LH (ovulation test) hormones are read similar.  So OPKs are out of the question for awhile.  

I'll give a better review of the Ovacue after a normal cycle or two of using it.  Not like I ever really have "normal" cycles. 

I went to urgent care yesterday.  I thought my ear started hurting, maybe I was imagining it.  My dizziness could be caused by ear infection or another ear problem.  I might be out of my mind.  I called my ENT, not open on Fridays.  I called my primary doctor, no appointments 'til Monday at the earliest.  I know my history with ear infections.  One ear hurts, then the other, then my sinuses, then the head feels like it is going to explode, then I lose my hearing, then I can't stop crying.  I go downhill QUICK, and I'm not waiting 'til Monday to do so.  I have a job and life, I can't be a mess.  

I didn't go to an ER, just urgent care down the road from me.  Never been there before and it was strange.  Nurse asked me my last menstrual period, November 16th haha.  Some other questions like if I feel safe at home, if I think they should know my religious preference, and something about my will.  Ear infection, I'm OK.  Doctor came in and was in a hurry.  He asked if I needed a note for work or school.  Again ear infection, I'm OK.  And if I was "pooping and peeing" alright?  Got right to the point there.  Ear looks fine.  He thinks I have a sinus infection maybe.  Probably Eustation Tube Dysfunction, but I've know I have had ETD for years.  One thing I hope to never pass down to my child. But he marked me down as ETD and ear infection.  I got some antibiotics and I'm happy.  That's what I wanted.

I also put my ferret to sleep yesterday.  Munchlet has been fighting Insulinoma (cancer of the pancreas) since October 2010.  It's been a long road and he has been medicated for the whole time.  Munch went for surgery to remove some of the larger tumors, giving him more time, in December 2010.  However, the surgery became permanently canceled due to his enlarged heart.  I mentioned putting Munch down after I got a great ultrasound for baby #1.  Unfortunately that never happened.  Munchie took a turn for the worse Monday and I thought he wouldn't have much longer.  I'd rather have him pass in his own home.  It kept dragging on and Friday I decided it needed to end.  He couldn't eat, drink, walk, use the bathroom, or hold his head up.  I would check every few hours and it was heartbreaking to see him laying there still breathing.  As mean as it sounds I kept thinking "just die already".  I knew this was the end of the road for him.  Loki had an appointment for his Lyme Disease shot Friday so I bought Munch along.  I also brought Buddy and Nibbler, my other two ferrets, so say goodbye.  I really wanted Bean there for support and to say goodbye also.  But his work schedule wouldn't allow and I couldn't take more time off, especially after the time he already got off for the miscarriage and D&C.  So I made the decision, sent Bean a text message (in case he got it and could met me there) and put Munch to sleep.  Bean didn't get the message 'til 3 or 4 hours later.  This is one of those things as a military wife that you really don't want to have to do alone but you learn you have to sometimes.  And I'm proud of myself for having the courage to do this, and tackling a trip to the vet with three ferrets and a three month old puppy.  The ferrets are easy, a young puppy not so much.  The vet visit took over an hour with waiting, Loki's shot, and the medication for Munchlet to work.  Loki surprisingly handled it well without going all ADHD on me or peeing everywhere.  He understood and laid down on the floor and just waited for everything to be done.  Thank you puppy for behaving when I was very outnumbered.  

Munchlet Eins (or FFP's Munchlet Eins, his show name) was born July 15th, 2006 to a breeder in Pittsburgh, PA.  I drove eight hours that September to pick him up.  We have been thought a lot, I actually had Munch before I even met my husband.  He competed in ferret shows in CT and PA during his prime.  He would have been six years old this July.  I hope wherever Munchie has gone (heaven, rainbow bridge, etc.) that he can now play cancer-free.   RIP Munchlet Eins, February 3rd, 2012.  

Munchlet Eins

I haven't cried much about the loss of my baby, having to have a D&C, or the loss of Munchlet.  Not sure if it is delayed.  Maybe I'm numb, I know it's a lot to go through in a short period of time.  Maybe I'm just pushing through because maybe I have no other choice.

An article on what military health insurance (Tricare) covers for infertility.  Tricare Coverage of Infertility by Christa Leigh  

-Selbe

What I Want

We got a referral from our health insurance so Bean will be doing semen analysis #2 on Wednesday.  SA #1 came out with borderline low count.  The last SA was done at a local hospital.  He took care of the business at home and then delivered them to the hospital.  Only thing is he needed to get them there within 60 minutes.  By the time you get them in the cup, drive the 30 minutes to the hospital, and then wait in line to drop them off, it is cutting it close.  That and we didn't really "withhold" long enough.  

SA #2 is done at the RE office.  I have to day off to I can go too!  Though I'll probably just be in the waiting room the whole time.  They don't need my saliva mixed in with the sample. :/ Maybe we'll get the results the same day?

Source

I have more bloodwork to check for PCOS later this week, or whenever Provera brings AF on so my next cycle can start.  One half of me is excited to find out.  For years I'm been telling doctors that this is the most likely thing wrong with me (I've done A LOT of research) and I've always been pushed around.  Finally proof there is something wrong with me.  

But the other half of me fears it.  I don't want to have PCOS.  I don't want to be infertile any longer.  I want to be a normal women.  But there is something wrong with me.  Normal women get AF about the same number of days each month.  Normal women ovulate.  Normal women get sore boobs.  Normal women don't do this crappy on Clomid.  Normal women don't get a fucking 1.7 on a progesterone test.  I am not normal.  I might not want PCOS but I know that if this isn't it then there is something else wrong with me.  Possible something else that they can't fix, even with the most advanced and expensive fertility drugs.  

If I have to take my pick, I'll go with PCOS.  Because I know my body isn't going to fix itself.

CD39

First RE Appointment

HSG - Source

The plan:

• Wait 'til August 29th to see if AF shows up on her own.
• This probably won't happen.  The 29th is CD32 for me.  I haven't had a period that short (and un-medicated) in two years.  I'll need Provera... again.
• CD3 
• Bloodwork - Looking at insulin levels to try to diagnose PCOS.
• Ultrasound - To look at my ovaries, or something.
• ~CD8
• Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) - Checking to see is my fallopian tubes are blocked or other problems in my uterus & tubes.  
• Another SA
• Bean gets to jerk off in a cup again.  I guess the testing is more in depth here, or they just want more of our money.

Dr. H was OK, still think I like Dr. S better.  He didn't show up 'til after my appointment time.  And I felt kind of rushed.  He talked fast and I got a little confused.  But a nurse sat down with me later and went over it all again.  I read this is pretty common in his reviews from other patients online.

I liked that the waiting room wasn't filled with pregnant women.  That's my favorite thing to do at the OBGYN, look at the young PG women, judge and give dirty looks in their direction.  There was only one other couple in the waiting room and they were in their 40's.  I felt better that I'm not the only broken one.  "Great these people are just as fucked up as myself, I like them already."

There also wasn't any baby or parenting magazines.  What would be the point with a bunch of infertiles?  Instead they had Cosmo with "50 Sex Moves".  Because I guess "timed intercourse" becomes old quick so you need to spice it up.  That's more fitting than how to make your own baby food.

Oh Provera.  I can't wait for the 2x menstrual cramps and gross clotting.  I'll be induced for the third time this year, and probably another time after this evaluation cycle.

Dr. H said I most likely have PCOS.  But I've been saying that is probably what I have for over five years now, so that's not much of a shock.  I'd just get treatment for it now (Metformin) if I show to be insulin resistant.  I'm begining to wonder if this ties in with Diabetes.  No one in my family (that I know of) has PCOS.  But my mum's side has had a couple cases of Diabetes, both type 1 and 2.

The ultrasound seems simple and the same as the one I had a couple months ago.  Nothing too interesting there.

The HSG kind of worries me the most.  I hear it's nothing to some women with no pain at all, or the opposite and hell.  I'm most worried about the tube dilating my cervix than anything else.  He said this is the most painful fertility procedure, more so than IVF or IUI.  But is goes quick.  With Bean's work schedule he probably won't be able to go with me.  However, Dr. H said I could drive myself home right after.  And well if not, it's done at the local hospital and I can always hang out there until someone comes to get me.

I'm done with Clomid.  I was told if it doesn't work after three cycles, then give up.  So no more for me, or at least not for awhile.  And I was told to burn my BBTs because they looked that bad and are useless.  I guess that's one less thing I need to track each cycle.  

Bean gets a trip to the special "male room" to drop his crew off.  Only thing is they can only do it once a month at this location, which happens to be tomorrow.  Bean can't get off work or get a referral in time for our health insurance.  The other location is an hour away.

The biggest thing with all this crap is the time it takes.  Bean goes to work early and doesn't get out 'til late, so most offices open and close by then.  My new job is eventually going to get sick of my endless, and sometimes last minute, appointments.  I guess I could just call in "sick", but that would be a last resort.  This RE does have monitoring hours from 7-7:30AM every day but Sunday for BW & U/S.  This works out well for me since my job is literally 5 minutes down the road, and the earliest I ever have to be there is 8AM.

Dr. H does have hope for me.  I was told I have a 1 or 2% chance (or less) of conceiving naturally.  Ok that's not really that good.  But I'm young (26) and I should respond to fertility treatments well (but not Clomid I guess).

CD21

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to Bean and I (well on August 8th, couple days late)!  We started dating four years ago, and got married two years ago, both on the same day.  Bean and I spent the last few days in Niagara Falls.  Ontario, Canada, not New York.  The American side looks like shit compared to ON, don't even bother with it.   

I've been to the falls many times since I was a child.  My family used to visit every couple years (back when you didn't need a passport). We had family living in ON and a house (which was sold & I don't remember it).  Bean and I visited soon after we started dating but only spent a day and there is so much to do.  We stopped this past January on our way back from Ohio but that was also a short visit.  Bean got some time off for our anniversary so we started the drive on Saturday and got back on Wednesday.  This is actually the first year we got to celebrate our anniversary since Bean had a "business trip" last August and wasn't home for it.  I'll have to post some photos when I get them uploaded. 

Today is CD15, I usually start OPKs on CD10 or CD11.  So the whole vacation I've had to do them.  Which includes in public since we spent a lot of time away from the hotel or in the car.  I have a bag with my piss cups in it, and I got a container to hold my "used" OPKs.  One thing I've learned from this experience is to not use paper cups, go with plastic.  Paper cups do not hold warm liquids for very long.  Use your imagination, this makes for a big mess. *sigh*

No +OPK yet.  They are all still pretty light, cervix is medium, and just starting to fern.  Looks like a late O.  It would be amazing if I did O and this wasn't another AO cycle.  But honestly I'm not too worried about it.  I've already came up unresponsive for 2 out of my 4 cycles.  It's not like I'm doing that amazing on the drugs anyways.  Another unresponsive AO cycle wouldn't be the end of the world.  Plus I have my first RE appointment next week.  Looking at my current Clomid record I'm ether: A. going to get pulled from it, or B. adding injectables.  

The insurance department from my new RE called to tell me what coverage I have.  Basically stuff I already knew.  But they offer a 20% discount off what my insurance doesn't cover because of Bean's job.  I still feel bad for cheating on my OBGYN.  I really like Dr. S.  But I'm not PG, and my dysplasia is no where as bad as it used to be.  There is no reason for me to have an regular OBGYN since they can not run the tests I need.   Bittersweet I guess.

I keep reminding myself that I'm in no rush.  Sure fertility slowly decrease as you age.  But my ovaries are pretty useless as is, I mean they can't get much worse, right?  Not like I need to make it anywhere anytime soon (although that would be nice.)  This is a good thing.

PS My heart goes out to a friend who just lost her baby girl at 22 weeks.  :(

CD15, OPK-

Health Insurance

Source

I called today to setup my first appointment with the RE.  The earliest I could get is August 18th since I'm going away for a week in early August.

They told me I'd get a call from their insurance department a week before my appointment to go over what my insurance pays for (and what they don't).  Wonderful!

Don't get me wrong, I love having health insurance.  After my mum left I was still on her work insurance.  But one day she decided to cancel it without telling myself or my father.  Nice!  I didn't find out 'til six months later.  I was 16 at the time and working a shitty part-time job.  My father said I could buy health insurance for $300/month.  I don't think I even made $300 in a month back then.  Needless to say a 16 year old would rather buy clothes than health insurance.  When I was 18 I went to Planned Parenthood (PPH) because it was cheap.  They had a program that would pay for BC and pap smears if you were broke enough.  After my second abnormal pap I was transferred to an actual OB/GYN for a Colposcopy, then LEEP, then additional paps and colpos.  At that point I was put on Medicaid temporarily, yes welfare insurance.  This is still my all-time favorite GYN.  After two or three years of going there they finally told me they didn't take my insurance, yet I never got a bill.  I was told I was a special case since my dysplasia was so bad at the time.  I am truly grateful.  In my early 20's my tonsillitis began acting up, something I've had my whole life.  The swelling got so bad that it affected my speech, ability to swallow and quality of sleep.  One night I ended up in the ER because I was in so much pain that I was unable to swallow fluids, even the saliva in my mouth.  A couple IVs, CAT scan, tons of blood tests and $3000 later showed nothing.  A ENT offered to remove my tonsils when I was 21, but only if I had health insurance.  So back to the state I went, this broke college student filled out the 30 pages of paperwork for welfare health insurance again.  A month later I had a Tonsillectomy, best decision ever!  That health insurance was also temporary.  In 2007 I moved to a new state with my fiancé.  I got my second LEEP at a PPH (really bad idea) which was discounted due to my lack of money.  I got married in 2009 and was put on Bean's work insurance soon after.  First time in a long time I had real health insurance.  I am thankful.

I'll sign up for whatever meds, procedure or shots a doctor offers.  And I still hoard meds.  I deep down fear the day my insurance will be taken from me and feel the need to take them for all they are worth while I can.  Most of the meds I never take and ends up expiring.  They sit in my bathroom until the day Bean finally talks me into throwing them out.

Our insurance is decent.  Even though I'm still trying to figure it out two years later.  However, one thing I don't understand is how they can pay for all the doctors visits, U/S, tests and prenatal vitamins for a whole pregnancy.  But pay for so little of infertility treatment.  It's almost like IF treatment is elective, like getting boob implants.  I know this is not just a problem with my insurance, in fact most companies view it this way.  There isn't much that can be done about it.

Again, I am very grateful for what I do have.  But please RE, be nice to my bank account.

CD37, Provera #6
Hidden Text: Dr., John A. Mycek