Monday, September 5, 2011

What I Want

We got a referral from our health insurance so Bean will be doing semen analysis #2 on Wednesday.  SA #1 came out with borderline low count.  The last SA was done at a local hospital.  He took care of the business at home and then delivered them to the hospital.  Only thing is he needed to get them there within 60 minutes.  By the time you get them in the cup, drive the 30 minutes to the hospital, and then wait in line to drop them off, it is cutting it close.  That and we didn't really "withhold" long enough.  

SA #2 is done at the RE office.  I have to day off to I can go too!  Though I'll probably just be in the waiting room the whole time.  They don't need my saliva mixed in with the sample. :/ Maybe we'll get the results the same day?

I have more bloodwork to check for PCOS later this week, or whenever Provera brings AF on so my next cycle can start.  One half of me is excited to find out.  For years I'm been telling doctors that this is the most likely thing wrong with me (I've done A LOT of research) and I've always been pushed around.  Finally proof there is something wrong with me.  

But the other half of me fears it.  I don't want to have PCOS.  I don't want to be infertile any longer.  I want to be a normal women.  But there is something wrong with me.  Normal women get AF about the same number of days each month.  Normal women ovulate.  Normal women get sore boobs.  Normal women don't do this crappy on Clomid.  Normal women don't get a fucking 1.7 on a progesterone test.  I am not normal.  I might not want PCOS but I know that if this isn't it then there is something else wrong with me.  Possible something else that they can't fix, even with the most advanced and expensive fertility drugs.  

If I have to take my pick, I'll go with PCOS.  Because I know my body isn't going to fix itself.

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