My Doctor is an Asshole

IUI for June, and probably July, canceled.  After a few phone calls my day became pretty lousy.

I started spotting last Thursday right before my RE appointment.  Appointment went well and I was given the impression that when CD1 hit that I would call up and start Clomid CD3.  They even gave me all the paperwork with instructions on what number to call, when to take it, and what CD my other appointments would be on.  

The RE quickly mentioned about seeing a high risk OBGYN at some point.  She NEVER mentioned it was required to start CD3 Clomid.

I thought we were all set for the IUI.  Since I was spotting I assumed that would be sometime soon.

I normally spot before AF.  Usually just a few hours or a day.  Then it becomes heavy so nothing new there.  But I spotted all of Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Yesterday it stopped and nothing today ether.  That's weird for me.  I have never spotted for that long and then nothing.  The heaviest flow I got was maybe to fill a quarter size spot on pantiliner.  That's after wearing it all day.

I got concerned and called up the nurses line this morning.  This was first day they were open after the long weekend.  I had one simple question.  I spotted for four days then nothing.  Should I start Clomid anyways, do Provera or just keep waiting? 

The nurse told me that probably was my period.  I haven't had AF since April 1st and my lining was 15mm on last weeks ultrasound.  That was NOT my period.  She was confused by 15mm, so I said 1.5cm.  She then said, "oh you mean 1.5mm."  No fifteen, a whole fifteen millimeters!  I might be American but I do know some metric.  Trust me, 15mm lining and 60 days since my last AF means a lot more blood than a few pantiliners.  There is more in there.  

She then tells me she can't give me the Clomid or even the basic Provera until I have my first appointment with the high risk OBGYN.  Umm ok, but that's not what the doctor told me last week.

I'm told to call the appointment line to book a visit with the OBGYN.  I called it, they said they don't schedule appointments for that office by the appointment line.  Ok?  They gave me the number for information so they can give me the direct number for the OBGYN.

I called information and the operator rattled off a bunch of numbers off quick because I could write them down.  I had to ask three times.

Call number four was to the OBGYN clinic.  The start of the conversation was the basic myself telling them I need to book an appointment.  She quickly asked, "when your due date?"  I explained about the Clomid and needing a check up appointment.  She asked me when my due date was again.  Seriously?  I again explained about fertility drugs and bad cervix.  She then told me I had a wrong number and asked where I was calling.  I told her ADC (which I guess stands for high risk OBGYN, somehow).  Yup, I got the right place.  So she asked my due date again.  Then I'm put on hold while they look for my referral.

Quiet tears began running down my face.  I'm frustrated and being pushed off from office to office.  I was also lead to believe this IUI was soon rather than later.

They came back on the phone and told me the next available appointment was July 11th!  I began crying hysterically.  They won't even think about starting me on Provera 'til this appointment.  I'll be CD102 at this point.

Bean had to grab the phone and talk to them.  They were able to get me in June 26th but that's the best they could do.

I was stuck, what am I going to do?

Bean left a message at the RE letting them know how unhappy we were about the treatment.

I called up a little while later and the nurse still said no Provera, no Clomid, no IUI 'til I have the appointment on the 26th.  They are still discussing it with the doctor.  

First off, they NEVER said the appointment with the high risk OBGYN was required before starting fertility treatment.  They have never even seen my cervix in person, only what the last RE made notes of.  I discussed it the cervical cerclage with my last RE and OBGYN.  They told me it MIGHT be needed.  And the OBGYN said they wouldn't even be able to tell 'til an ultrasound at 12 weeks.  I'm not even PG, I don't see the point in rushing me off to an OBGYN now.  And if it is such an urgent matter then why is the next appointment six weeks away?

The nurse began telling Bean all the things that could happen if my cervix fails.  I could miscarry or do into labour early.  Then all the health problems the baby would have if born at X number of weeks.  I would have deal with those thing alone while my husband was deployed.  How would I deal with a dead or blind baby?  

This has gone too far.  I called up for one simple question and I got this.  If I didn't worry about PG before, I do now.  

I cried off and on for hours after this.

I have Provera left over from before that I started taking tonight.  I mentioned last September how I save medication because I don't trust doctors.  Odd that!  I don't know what else to do.  I can't move on with the Clomid even if I have AF or not.  But I also can't sit here without AF for much longer.  The surgery in October showed the abrasions in my uterus from holding onto the lining for too long.  Plus the heavy flow with clotting can be painful.  It's just not healthy sitting around doing nothing.  I'm sorry for going behind the doctor's back and "prescribing" it to myself.  But I asked for the drug nicely and I know what's best for myself.  

After my high risk OBGYN on June 26th I then had to make another appointment with the RE about three weeks after that.  If this is the case I'm going to ask for Gonal-F instead of Clomid.  It's what my other RE wanted and I have no faith in Clomid anymore.   

Since it looks like no Clomid or IUI this cycle I went to the vitamin store and stocked up on herbs that are supposed to be good for fertility.  The list to balance out my hormones:

• Vitex 1200mg daily - I've been taking this since September.  Though it worked before it has since stoppe since my MC.  But at this point I have nothing left to loss.
• Dong Quai 1130mg daily
• Maca 300mg daily 
• Red Clover Blossom 800mg daily
• Milk Thistle 175mg daily

To induce my period:

• Provera 10mg daily
• Vitamin C 6000mg daily

-Selbe

First RE Appointment

My new MTF called me today.  The first appointment at the new RE is May 24th!  So long off but sooner than I thought they'd get me in.  I can get ready to start IUI with frozen sperm!  So excited!

-Selbe

Health Insurance & WIC

My Current Cycle

Each day goes by with no AF and all BFN.  I'm beginning to think I never ovulated.  Fuck.  Since my D&C my ovaries have begun shutting down again.  I wont get AF until they give me Provera again.  Maybe I'll start taking my Vitex again (I stopped after what I thought was O).  I'm going to be happy to start fertility drugs again and be monitored.    

My Insurance & Military Treatment Facilities

There are two main MTF (military treatment facility, military hospitals) in the area.  MTF Bremerton (US Navy) is 20 minutes away and the primary one I go to.  MTF Madigan (US Army) an hour away.  MTF Bremerton does basic OBGYN, low-risk pregnancy and low end fertility treatment (Clomid only, no trigger, injectables, IUI or IVF).  Since I have already done my five rounds of Clomid with no luck I am ready to move on.  In order for me to go to MTF Madigan I need a referral from my PCM (primary doctor) at MTF Bremerton, I just can't make an appointment there on my own.  

There are only a handful of MTF on the country that do more advanced fertility treatments.  Our last base was MTF Portsmouth, they didn't do much of anything there.  The closest to Portsmouth was 500 miles away in Washington DC (I believe).  So I was sent out into the civilian world.  Hence how I ended up at FCNE with Dr. H.

This is for Tricare Prime.  The only way I can get out of this referral system is downgrading to Tricare Standard.  I can see whatever doctor I pick in the civilian world (as long as they take Tricare) but have to pay copays.  Depending on your situation one can be better than the other.  But fertility treatment at a MTF tends to be cheaper than at a civilian doctor.

I'm hoping that my one natural pregnancy, although failed and ended with a miscarriage, means I'll have good odds with more advanced fertility treatments.  Though I've ovulated about five times in two years, I do have a good chance of getting PG when I ovulate.  IF I ovulate.

Referral Runaround

MTF Bremerton pissed me off yesterday.  At my appointment on Monday they told me my referral to MTF Madigan would be put in and in two days I could call up to make my next appointment.  

I called up yesterday (two days) to schedule my appointment.  The appointment line could not find my referral so they could not give me an appointment.

I called the referrals office.  They also couldn't find my referral, ether processed or waiting to be processed.

I then called my PCM that gave me the referral to begin with.  They couldn't find the doctor, or the referral and had no idea when they would.  Zero help.

Which left me only one option, call the appointment line and make another appointment with my PCM for another referral.

The appointment line only had two appointment available: A. in nine minutes; B. in two weeks.  Nine minutes just wouldn't work, and two weeks seems like a long wait for someone else's fuck up.  

So I drove there and talked to a couple people in person.  The PCM forgot to put the referral in.  I was informed a new one would be put in today and in two days (hopefully) I could make an appointment.  Which I'm sure in itself won't be for a month or so from now.  

WIC

I grew up in a family where getting food stamps, WIC or any other types of government programs was avoided as much as possible unless really needed.  It was an embarrassment.  My father says that times are changing and it's become less of an humiliation and more of people abusing the system.  I do believe there are many people out there abusing it, for as long as possible.  I also believe there are those that really do need it.  Our system just sucks at weeding out those that are abusing it and giving it to those that need it.  

I have been on government programs twice in my life.  I didn't have health insurance in my teens and early 20's, no job that offered it, no money to pay for private health care, and still in college.  I had government health insurance to remove cervical dysplasia, since that becomes worse if not taken care of.  Then another time to remove my tonsils since I was in a lot of pain and could not pay for the surgery out-of-pocket.  During this time I ate the same cheap food everyday and would donate blood to get free cookies and juice.  Though I was eligible, never during this time did I sign up for food stamps.   

I've also worked retail at several places that accepted food stamps (now EBT, no wait SNAP) and WIC. Again there are people out there that really do need food stamps.  Food stamps covers most food items. Every once and awhile I'd have a customer want to buy a "food item" and the card wouldn't accept it.  One example was years ago I had customer want to buy one of those tins filled with popcorn that stores sell around Christmas time.  The tins with not the greatest in the world but tolerable popcorn, and once you got done eating it (or throwing the stall shit out) a plastic bag was stuck in it and use around the house as a trash can, until it begins to rust.  She flipped out on me.  I've watched customers buy lobster, potato chips, soda pop, gum, and candy with food stamps.  Never fruits, vegetables or Ramen noodles.  I'm sorry, but if someone is broke and starving they have learned that if you eat certain foods they fill you up better than others, regardless of the calories.  And they know just how much sometimes cost.  I was limited growing up by my father on what I could buy at the grocery store to about $10/week.  One time I even got yelled at for wanting bread and milk in the same week.  Yes it was probably wrong on his part, and not something I'd do to my own child, but fuck I figured it out.  And now taxes are pulled from my crappy minimum wage job to pay for such programs. I don't really give a fuck that your Easter candy and not covered and how you "need" it.  Bitch to me and I'll tell you the real difference between a NEED and a WANT.  

Now moving on to WIC.  I like WIC better than food stamps because it does limit what you can purchase with it, such as only approved cereal, cheese, produce, formula, etc.  However WIC is a bitch for cashiers to ring out.  The WIC program requires cashier to go as far as writing their numbers perfectly (yes, they provide you a sheet on how to write a "7" correct).  Along with making sure the products are the correct type stated on the check and approved by WIC.  When a customer goes to use all her newly expiring WIC checks all at once it takes a great deal of time. 

I bring up this topic because Bean and I went to Wal-Mart late at night a few days ago.  When we got in line at 11:50PM there was only one person in front of us.  A lady, several years younger than myself, not married and with her daughter (about 1 year old) in the cart.  First off, it's almost midnight.  That child should be in bed asleep.  I don't understand why people don't have a sit bedtime and bring their kids out shopping late at night.  (Fuck, my six month old puppy even has a bedtime and falls asleep at 10PM, midnight the latest, each night!)  And then I looked at the belt and saw it.  Her separated stacks of groceries (baby food & formula) and the stack of EIGHT WIC checks right besides it.  

My infertile self got pissed.  She's broke, unmarried, has a child and for the next fifteen minutes I'm forced to stare at her in front of me.  Bean and I have been married for three years, have money (enough), a house, a dog, two cars and zero babies.  All I have to show for it is this shit and a dead baby.  Spectacular!  I looked at Bean and then her and mentioned something along the lines of "that is what you get when you don't use birth control".  Some days I admit, I'm just not a good person.

Not My Kind

Sometimes I wonder when I do get pregnant again how I'd react to other pregnant women around me that haven't had the same trials.  What if they got PG with little trying or on accident, instead of with fertility drugs, procedures and surgery?  Will I feel like they are not my kind?  Will I feel like I am above them? Especially if my pregnancy COST more (fertility treatment) than theirs?

Other Links

My old RE is offering a contest for a free IVF cycle.  This is only for those living in ME, NH, VT, MA, CT and RI.  You can enter to win by filling out the entry form here.  

An ultrasound device has been invented to work on smart phones.  I'd buy it if it wasn't $8k.  

-Selbe

New RE

Source

17dpo, still BFN.  No signs of AF.  No spotting, the little cramping I had is now gone and cervix is hard.  I had some pulling/sharp pain the other day.  Nausea is still there, some days getting worse.  Just trying to make sure I have small meals often and there is no meal products. 

I don't know what's wrong with me though.  Maybe I never ovulated?  Why do I feel like shit though?

I had a doctors appointment yesterday to get a referral to a new RE. With my insurance I need a referral from my PCM (primary doctor) to see an OB/GYN, RE or any speciality doctor.  I moved so that means I need to get all new referrals.  

With my nausea, missing period and sore boobs she ran a beta hCG.  She mentioned they'd call me by the end of the day if it was positive.  I guess that means they won't call if it was negative?  Yeah they didn't call.  

But that does mean I get the referral to move to another MTF (military treatment facility).  There I can start IUI, whenever they can get me in for an appointment.  

-Selbe

Post-Op Appointment 3/29

You know a doctor's office is expensive
when you see these in the waiting room.

Today was my last appointment with my RE since I'm moving. We went over the surgery from last week.

Uterus looks normal.  Nothing wrong with it and it has been cleared for a "healthy pregnancy".  The abrasions they found during surgery in October are gone.  And the D&C in January left no scar tissue or damage.

Estrogen blood work from a couple weeks ago was high.  But RE isn't concerned.

One of my ultrasounds (ether in January or September) shows I have lots of follicles (eggs) in my ovaries.  They look good for 27 years old.

Biopsy of my uterine lining shows I'll get my period soon.  It has high levels of something I forgot the name of.  First he said that was because I ovulated.  I asked when he thought that was, because I don't.  Then said it might be due to the Provera I was taking being absorbed.  That's a better explanation since I was on it for the whole week before.  I should get my period in the next few days, or a week max.