Monday, August 27, 2012

The Due Date

For months I dreaded my upcoming due date for my miscarriage.  But the day went fine without any tears.  Ever since I started spotting this cycle I began crying.  You are not out 'til AF is in full force so a little spotting could be implantation bleeding.  However, I still prepared myself for the worst.  It was a cry fest with all the typical first IUI feelings of why didn't it work mixed with sadness of why I miscarried.  I always thought of that baby as a miracle with it being an unmedicated cycle and I found out a week before Christmas.  Time went on and I haven't gotten PG since so I still see that as my miracle baby.  I've never been given anything different.  Often I wonder if that is it for me.  Was that my one and only child?  That's why I celebrate that baby more than other women that had a miscarriage after an opps PG or short time TTC.

I am grateful for all the friends that wrote on my Facebook wall Saturday.  I didn't expect so many people to remember.  Well I think FB kind of posts it with those whole Life Events things.  Ether way I was pleased.  No family said anything though, which always kind of hurts.  They don't really understand me or anything I'm going through.  I know once I get PG again they'll be happy and congratulate me.  But what about now?  What about this baby?

I got balloons the day before for a balloon release.  It's part of my fault I didn't get the special chemicals put into them because they didn't last long at all.  Next morning they were laying on my living room floor.  Great!  I took Loki to the dog park and picked up another balloon on the way home.

The balloon went up in the air with no tears.

That night I got on the ferry to Seattle and photographed the new Great Wheel ferris wheel.  

While riding over I listened to an Air Forces vet tell his whole live story about almost dying twice, his military days, and how he adopted two children from Vietnam.  They were visiting from Florida but killing a couple days in Seattle before going on a cruise to Alaska.  At the end of all this he asked, "What can you do with what you've got?"  


  1. What a truly inspirational story. You could be one of the those that dwell in the moment, but you don't do that! You tell you're story with such ambition and determination. That is why I love your blog!

  2. I love the ballon release and the way you've captured this special moment. Wishing you the best of luck!


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