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| Cycles since 2008 |
I say I have Oligomenorrhea but it is really just a symptom (like nausea), not an actual condition. Under some definitions I'm even labeled under Amenorrhea. I'm actually not labeled as any certain condition. I've yet to have a doctor run enough tests to pinpoint my problem. Sure I have mild PCOS but not enough for Metformin, and I have very few other symptoms. Without BC, Provera or Clomid my cycles last 2 week to 7 months. The days I bleed for can be 3 days to 3 weeks (but usually I'm around 4 days).
I wasn't always like this. Hence why I am secondary, not primary. I initially got my period when I was 11. My mum was already gone by then. At first I was embarrassed, I didn't wear any protection and thought I could "suck it up" back in me.
It sucks being a teenage without a mum. My father didn't really know what to do with me so I was on my own most of the time. I got teased one day in seventh grade for not shaving my legs yet. So I came home and told my father that I wanted to shave them. I heard I could do it with a regular razor blade (as in the ones that go in box cutters). He allowed me to do it. What a bloody mess! Couple hours later I had only gotten the fronts and knees done (I wasn't sure if I was supposed to shave the backs). There was blood running down my legs and I didn't wear shorts for a week after. Lesson learned.
This wasn't the first time I tired I fixed something on my own. My mum only left a few pads and I was too embarrassed to ask my father for more. So I used rolled up toilet paper for years. I guess I could say I didn't know any better. Eventually I did get over my embarrassment. I'm also really good at cutting my own hair, so good that now I'd rather cut it myself than go elsewhere.
After I turned 16 I missed a period. No problem, I wasn't sexually active and I heard that sometimes happens when you're young. I didn't think anything of it. A couple months later I missed another, then a missed a couple in a row. But I still didn't think anything of it and I kept being told I was young and it would fix itself. That was a fucking lie.
The first time I saw an OBGYN was when I was 19. I had no health insurance so it was just the local Planned Parenthood. They did the basic Pap smear (this is when I learned I had dysplasia) and put me on birth control to fix my irregular periods and it's intended purpose. Before they gave it to me I had to do a pregnancy test since I was already "late". I told them over and over again this was normal. I still had to drop my morning pee off in a yogurt container. I freaked at the thought of this test, what if in some fucked up case I was actually PG? But I wasn't and I got sent home with BCPs and that started my long history of side effects from them.
I spent years off and on BC trying to make my cycles regular. But I could never stomach the side effects for too long and my period would go back to irregular soon after I stopped them.
This is how I got to where I am today. Sometimes I even think if my mum was around she could have seen the problem sooner and it would have been fixed then. Or maybe if I had health insurance I could have gone to a doctor. I blame my mum the most though. But you can't change the past, only the future. I can't dwell on what could have been changed then. No matter how much I want to change things I am not able to go back in time. I can only change my future. And my future is doctors appointments, fertility drugs and eventually adoption paperwork. There is nothing I can do about it except suck it up and keep going.
If I even have a daughter she will never go through the things I have. My children will be taken care of.
