Appointment 5/17

Annually Pap Smear

This was yesterday, pretty routine.  With years of cervical dysplasia and infertility I'm no longer afraid of spread my legs to strangers.  In fact I get a little confused when I have an RE or OBGYN visit and they don't have me undress.  (But don't you want to see my vajayjay?)

I don't really care about the results.  If it's normal, great.  If it's abnormal, well I've already been down the road several times before.  

The one thing that annoys me about this facility (PCM) is they keep a record of how many pregnancies one has had.  One in my case.  But they don't keep a record of live births, losses or miscarriages, so they ask.  I guess this would not bother most fertile women because they can just say they have a healthy two year old at home. But someone like myself gets to tell them I've had a miscarriage EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Not cool.  Please just put a note in there about it, or change my number back to zero.  I loved my baby and no way do I want to say he didn't exist.  I also don't want to go over it each time I'm there.

Metformin & my PCOS

This new PCM wanted to put me on Metformin for my PCOS.  I'm all for it, I hear it makes you poop a lot other than that it can't hurt.  He said he would think about it and call me in a few hours.  

He decided no. :(  I have no note of being diagnosed with PCOS in the records.  My records haven't arrived from NH, from ether my OBGYN or RE.  I put a request on April 27th to have them transferred.  But this facility never got around to filling it 'til May 3rd, then told me yesterday when I went to check on them that it takes 4-6 weeks to be transferred.  Seriously?  Which concerns me for my appointment next week because they most likely will not be here for that.

This is not the first time Metformin has been discussed for me.  My last set of glucose blood work showed my levels were in the normal range and I am not insulin resistant.  The RE decided since I'm not insulin resistant that Met would not work for me.  Makes sense.  But I've also read online that Met might help for those that are PCOS and not insulin resistant.  I don't know, but I don't mind trying the drug if anyone of these doctors was willing to prescribe it.

To be honest I don't even know if PCOS is even in my records from the past RE.  Yes, I have oligoovulation.  I don't get my period often and most of those times I don't ovulate.  However, my ovaries are not polycystic, in six ultrasounds they have never found one cyst.  All the other symptoms could be blamed on something else.  Like my acne, that's always been bad even in my pre-teens.  I think my body is hairy but a lot of women probably do.  And I'm also German, we are known for being furry everywhere.  But it's not like I'm growing a beard or have some strange facial hair.  My head hair isn't thinning nor am I losing it.  It's super thick and grows quick.  Though I'm fat with a BMI of 29, I guess I could also blame that on my love of ice cream.  I was labeled PCOS because they couldn't figure out anything else that could cause lack of ovulation for over a decade in a 27 year old female.  If anyone has any other ideas, let me know.

Upcoming Appointment

My appointment with my new RE is this Thursday.  I'm excited for it, but also worried now because I'm medical record-less.  I really wish doctors would let me carry a copy of my own records.  This lack of paperwork now means they have no record of my five rounds of Clomid, any blood work I've had, SA, HSG, any of the U/S, or my past pregnancy.  I also worry about being turned away for being not infertile enough, records or not.  If that's the case I will have to leave the military system and go out in town to see a doctor, because there is nothing else that can be done for me if I am turned away.

I am probably worrying over nothing. 

Current Cycle

CD48.  Lots of cramping.  My breast are sore again but I'm not sure if that's from running.  I only got sick to my stomach once this week.

I'm just waiting for Thursdays appointment so I can start Provera.  

Pinterest

I found a new love of Pinterest.   I never really understood it when I signed up 6 months or so ago.  Then I bought a house and need new ideas for it.  I've made boards (groups) for baby stuff I want to do or buy whenever I get PG again.  Also made one for infertility.  Usually just graphics to be used on here one day.  You are welcome to follow me.

I found this chalkboard idea for pregnancy where women write their weekly update about the baby like what size it is in fruit terms.  Then sometimes stand next to it to show how big their bump is.  I was thinking of doing this for infertility, the weekly update part.  The bump is really just my belly fat, it isn't that interesting.

This is another example of the fun things fertile preggos get to do.  Just like this blog, which I really just wanted a PG blog to document everything.  Then decided to start the early and do a "journey to pregnancy" blog.  A year later I'm still blogging about the stupid journey and I'm not much closer to having a baby. 

Chalkboard are a lot harder to find than you thing.  I went to Wal-Mart, Office Max and then Home Depot to just buy the paint to make a chalkboard.  

-Selbe

The Things People Say

Pap Smear

Myself, because I don't
post many photos of me.

I have another appointment on the 17th (I think) for a basic pap smear.  It's with my primary doctor (PCM) because my insurance doesn't let me see a OBGYN for that.  Pap smears are easy for me, especially after everything else I've had done.  It's the PCM part that scares me.  The last one didn't know what she was doing, couldn't find my cervix (yeah, I know) and ended up shoving her fingers into it.  You'd figure because the doctor is a women and had those parts that she'd know what gentle means.

Me:  "I have really bad menstrual cramps."

Female Dr: "Yeah that's normal."

Me:  "No, they are REALLY bad."

Female Dr:  "Yup, normal."

Me:  "I haven't gotten my period in three months."

Female Dr: "Normal."

Me:  "I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING FUCKING WRONG WITH ME."

They also don't listen.  I like male doctors better. 

Shaking My Head

Sometimes people send me message or post comments on Facebook that all I can do is shake my head.  I thought I'd bundle up a few of them to share.

Example 1

Example 1 sent me a Facebook message congratulating on my pregnancy, four month AFTER my miscarriage.  Thanks but yeah... She saw my ultrasound photos from January, the ones that mention D&C and where everyone commented saying they were sorry.  

Example 2

Example 2 was a comment from a family friend.  I'm not sure if she is talking about OPKs, saliva ferning or she's just confused.  Probably the last one.  I'm going to assume OPKs.  I've used them once or twice (ha!).  See there is something called PCOS.  My ovaries do pretty much fucking nothing every day of their life.  It doesn't matter how many of those strips I piss on, if I don't ovulate there is no "right time".  No eggs, no babies.  Got it?  Taking away "pop" might work.  We don't normally have "bears" walking around unless you count the dog, good there.  No alcohol would probably help.  Tight underwear, ha!  I make sure there are no tighty whities in this house!  I wonder how long someone has to trying to believe these little "tips" really work.  Two, maybe three, months?

Example 3

Example 3 was left on this post for me.  So I generally blog about my our infertility and pregnancy loss.  I'm sorry I couldn't make it sound happier.  It's not really a happy topic to talk about.

• "Yes!  More nausea today.  All this throwing up is going to make me lose weight."
• "The rage from these fertility drugs is great.  I love telling people what I really think of them."
• "I love throw and destroy things during rage, it shows the durablity of items.  Except this calendar.  I didn't really like those landscape scenes anyways."
• "Transvaginal utlrasound today!  It's like using a dildo that doesn't move?"
• "More bloodwork = awesome bandaid wrap thing!"
• "So glad my baby's heart stopped, now I don't have to be pregnant in the summer."
• "I didn't want a January baby anyways."
• "I love that fertility treatment costs so much.  I mean what else could I spend me money on?"
• "Welfare is great because it's like a have millions of kids that I pay for, but I don't ever have to deal with their crying!"

There you go.  There is your positive blog of an infertile women who lost her baby.  

-Selbe