Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Things People Say

Pap Smear

Myself, because I don't
post many photos of me.
I have another appointment on the 17th (I think) for a basic pap smear.  It's with my primary doctor (PCM) because my insurance doesn't let me see a OBGYN for that.  Pap smears are easy for me, especially after everything else I've had done.  It's the PCM part that scares me.  The last one didn't know what she was doing, couldn't find my cervix (yeah, I know) and ended up shoving her fingers into it.  You'd figure because the doctor is a women and had those parts that she'd know what gentle means.

Me:  "I have really bad menstrual cramps."
Female Dr: "Yeah that's normal."
Me:  "No, they are REALLY bad."
Female Dr:  "Yup, normal."
Me:  "I haven't gotten my period in three months."
Female Dr: "Normal."

They also don't listen.  I like male doctors better. 

Shaking My Head

Sometimes people send me message or post comments on Facebook that all I can do is shake my head.  I thought I'd bundle up a few of them to share.

Example 1
Example 1 sent me a Facebook message congratulating on my pregnancy, four month AFTER my miscarriage.  Thanks but yeah... She saw my ultrasound photos from January, the ones that mention D&C and where everyone commented saying they were sorry.  

Example 2
Example 2 was a comment from a family friend.  I'm not sure if she is talking about OPKs, saliva ferning or she's just confused.  Probably the last one.  I'm going to assume OPKs.  I've used them once or twice (ha!).  See there is something called PCOS.  My ovaries do pretty much fucking nothing every day of their life.  It doesn't matter how many of those strips I piss on, if I don't ovulate there is no "right time".  No eggs, no babies.  Got it?  Taking away "pop" might work.  We don't normally have "bears" walking around unless you count the dog, good there.  No alcohol would probably help.  Tight underwear, ha!  I make sure there are no tighty whities in this house!  I wonder how long someone has to trying to believe these little "tips" really work.  Two, maybe three, months?

Example 3
Example 3 was left on this post for me.  So I generally blog about my our infertility and pregnancy loss.  I'm sorry I couldn't make it sound happier.  It's not really a happy topic to talk about.
  • "Yes!  More nausea today.  All this throwing up is going to make me lose weight."
  • "The rage from these fertility drugs is great.  I love telling people what I really think of them."
  • "I love throw and destroy things during rage, it shows the durablity of items.  Except this calendar.  I didn't really like those landscape scenes anyways."
  • "Transvaginal utlrasound today!  It's like using a dildo that doesn't move?"
  • "More bloodwork = awesome bandaid wrap thing!"
  • "So glad my baby's heart stopped, now I don't have to be pregnant in the summer."
  • "I didn't want a January baby anyways."
  • "I love that fertility treatment costs so much.  I mean what else could I spend me money on?"
  • "Welfare is great because it's like a have millions of kids that I pay for, but I don't ever have to deal with their crying!"
There you go.  There is your positive blog of an infertile women who lost her baby.  


  1. Wow the things people say never cease to amaze me!

  2. It's so frustrating what people say! They have no idea and even when I try to tell them are still so clueless!

    Was curious why you have to go to PCM? Are you Tricare Prime? I always request my PCM o send me to an obgyn bc of my losses and infertility issues and I have never had a problem getting a referral.

    1. Yes I could get a referral. I have one for my fertility issues, RE not OBGYN. So I'd need an appointment with my PCM for the referral (will take a couple weeks) and then an appointment with OBGYN (many more weeks). Pap smears are simple, and this is the only reason I'd need an OBGYN, not like there is a baby in there or anything. I just deal. Unless they are really bad at it.

    2. Oh ok, I just usually tell them when I call the appt line that it's to get a referral and the PCM will put it in without seeing me (Usually a nurse will call me back to discuss it) so that cuts out some of the time. I personally just prefer it b/c of everything I have went through and my PCM says the same since I am high risk.

    3. I've tried that with my last base, they always made me make an appointment first. Maybe it would be different here? If they can't find my cervix or think there is something wrong with it then I'll get a referral.

  3. Oh, got to love those Tricare docs! I had some doozies too, I'm sorry. And people, well, people just suck. I want to e-slap the people from your Fb.

    1. I switched from Standard to Prime a couple years ago and was shocked when I called up to make my pap appointment that I couldn't see an OBGYN for it (without a referral). Oh well.

  4. Wow, that's really a plethora of awful posts. There seems to always be some anon on blogs berating those of us with infertility for not being positive enough. I'm certain it's someone who doesn't understand infertility at all.

  5. I wish I had the balls to have a blog and air it all out like you. Just five minutes ago I got off the phone with my mother who does not understand my frustration...she is still saying,"When you least expect it, it will happen!" after 3 years, miscarriage and 22 wk infant loss....awesome! She asked about if I would consider adoption and I said, "If I'm going to go to the poor house to have a kid, it's gonna be my own!" She didn't agree....big surprise. The best was when she called about the dreaded "Mother's Day" that is coming up and never even took my feelings into consideration...not even a props to you Stacy...I envy your courage to put it all out there.

    1. Some people don't realize that (although both are expensive) IVF is still cheaper than infant and older child adoption. Adopting a child isn't as easy as going to the local store, grabbing one off the shelf, giving the cashier $100, or $1,000 and BAM it's yours. It takes a lot of time, paperwork and money. Sometimes it takes a person a long time to come with grips that the child might not look like them, some never do. I hate how everyones magic solution is adoption.

    2. The other thing is people say to "do it all the time!!"...hmmmm...really? Weird, I didn't know that is how it works!"...I'm over it...I hate people...fertile people that is...

  6. Shaking my head at people's idiotic "advice" and laughing at your response. Your dog is a bit bear-like, perhaps it really is him that's the problem? No bears! Or maybe you're doing the OPKs wrong ... aren't you supposed to spit on them? ;)

    I saw that anonymous comment when it arrived, and it really made me angry - if somebody really is worried for you, they should have the guts to use their name and phrase their concern a lot more constructively. As well as understand that, as you responded, this is a place to express the pain and sadness and anger.

  7. This is one of the reasons I have opted to never have a blog in the past, I'm too outspoken and I know I would get a lot of nasty comments that would just piss me off. But people on facebook are even worse at times. I really hate the ones that get upset at statuses and then send nasty messages about it, its like really its my facebook page if you don't like what I say then move on. And yes the comments people make about what you can do to "make it happen faster" always have pissed me off. Or my personal favorite at past jobs was, "It's up to god." Ugh, some people are just so stupid.

    1. As for Facebook, if you don't like what I say then delete me. I could careless keeping them around. And don't even get me started with the whole god BS.


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