Chalkboard Update

I'm still waiting on AF.  There has been off and on cramping, nothing else.  During my pregnancy in January it was the first time ever that I felt my cervix move (or do something).  I feel it every so often now even though I'm not PG.  It has been doing it the last few days so hoping it opens up soon.  

Other than my infertility bitching I really have nothing else to say.

-Selbe

The Things People Say

Pap Smear

Myself, because I don't
post many photos of me.

I have another appointment on the 17th (I think) for a basic pap smear.  It's with my primary doctor (PCM) because my insurance doesn't let me see a OBGYN for that.  Pap smears are easy for me, especially after everything else I've had done.  It's the PCM part that scares me.  The last one didn't know what she was doing, couldn't find my cervix (yeah, I know) and ended up shoving her fingers into it.  You'd figure because the doctor is a women and had those parts that she'd know what gentle means.

Me:  "I have really bad menstrual cramps."

Female Dr: "Yeah that's normal."

Me:  "No, they are REALLY bad."

Female Dr:  "Yup, normal."

Me:  "I haven't gotten my period in three months."

Female Dr: "Normal."

Me:  "I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING FUCKING WRONG WITH ME."

They also don't listen.  I like male doctors better. 

Shaking My Head

Sometimes people send me message or post comments on Facebook that all I can do is shake my head.  I thought I'd bundle up a few of them to share.

Example 1

Example 1 sent me a Facebook message congratulating on my pregnancy, four month AFTER my miscarriage.  Thanks but yeah... She saw my ultrasound photos from January, the ones that mention D&C and where everyone commented saying they were sorry.  

Example 2

Example 2 was a comment from a family friend.  I'm not sure if she is talking about OPKs, saliva ferning or she's just confused.  Probably the last one.  I'm going to assume OPKs.  I've used them once or twice (ha!).  See there is something called PCOS.  My ovaries do pretty much fucking nothing every day of their life.  It doesn't matter how many of those strips I piss on, if I don't ovulate there is no "right time".  No eggs, no babies.  Got it?  Taking away "pop" might work.  We don't normally have "bears" walking around unless you count the dog, good there.  No alcohol would probably help.  Tight underwear, ha!  I make sure there are no tighty whities in this house!  I wonder how long someone has to trying to believe these little "tips" really work.  Two, maybe three, months?

Example 3

Example 3 was left on this post for me.  So I generally blog about my our infertility and pregnancy loss.  I'm sorry I couldn't make it sound happier.  It's not really a happy topic to talk about.

• "Yes!  More nausea today.  All this throwing up is going to make me lose weight."
• "The rage from these fertility drugs is great.  I love telling people what I really think of them."
• "I love throw and destroy things during rage, it shows the durablity of items.  Except this calendar.  I didn't really like those landscape scenes anyways."
• "Transvaginal utlrasound today!  It's like using a dildo that doesn't move?"
• "More bloodwork = awesome bandaid wrap thing!"
• "So glad my baby's heart stopped, now I don't have to be pregnant in the summer."
• "I didn't want a January baby anyways."
• "I love that fertility treatment costs so much.  I mean what else could I spend me money on?"
• "Welfare is great because it's like a have millions of kids that I pay for, but I don't ever have to deal with their crying!"

There you go.  There is your positive blog of an infertile women who lost her baby.  

-Selbe

Lap Surgery

Before

My Laparoscopic Surgery and Hysteroscopy was yesterday morning.  It went good and eh.

October 25th - Surgery arrival time set at 7:30AM.  Then changed to 8:30.

October 26th - Surgery arrival time changed to 6:30AM.

October 27th 5:30 :45AM - Wake up.

6:00AM - In the car.  Downpouring, again.  It's only really rained hard twice in the past two weeks, both on my surgery days.

6:30 - Arrive at surgery center & check in.

6:50 - Called into back room, changed into my gown and slipper socks.

Before

7:00 - I'm given a chair.  Hooked up to heart monitor, blood pressure machine & took my temperature.  98.1°F this time, woo hoo!

7:20 - IV goes in.  I'm in pain because the tie is super tight around my arm to get my vein to pop out, the two needles they put in me were nothing.  Bean honestly looked like he was in more pain watching it go in.  (Then again this is my third time having an IV, he's never had one put in, & has a fear of needles. Good thing I'm the IF one & goes though all this shit.)

7:40 - RIP navel ring.  They made me take it out, well Bean did since I couldn't being being hooked up to everything.  They originally said to put it in right after, then I few days later.  Then when I woke up I heard something about infected (but I was really out of it.) So we'll see.

7:50 - They walk me into the room where my surgery is done.  I'm told to hop up on the bed and put my butt above the hole in it.  Both my arms of put off to the sides.  Things start to get "drunk", AKA blurry & I start laughing.  The Dr. tells me he already gave me one type of med.  A mask is put over my face & I'm told to breath. Few second later I was out.

8:50 - I began to wake up in the room I started with, except a bed not a chair.  Everything is so blurry & Bean comes in.  I'm given ginger ale but can't find the straw.

After

9:00 - Dr. H comes over to show me the photos, said some stuff put I was way too out of it.

9:20 - Told I need to pee before I leave & it might burn since a catheter was inserted. It only burned a little but there was tons of blood.  Bean helped me change back into my normal clothes & I'm given a seat in the chair again.

9:30 - Dr. H came & explained the photos again.

9:40 - Released & heading home.

10:10 - Told Bean I was nauseous on the way home, I threw up twice in the car.

10:30 - Home & in bed.  I slept on & off 'til 1, but couldn't sleep anymore since I had to pee every 20 minutes thanks to the IV fluids.

I'm in less pain than I thought.  My stomach is sore but it has stopped cramping.  My throat is sore from the tube they put down it.  My pee is still burning.  But overall I'm up and moving around.  I've gone up and down stairs, walked around two shopping stores tonight, and I'm eating solid foods.  I was prescribed Ibuprofen and Oxycontin for the pain, but so far I've only taken the Ibuprofen once.  My biggest issue and they fill you with gas to expand the abdomen.  This gas tend to rise up to the shoulders and cause pain, which it hasn't yet.  Plus the swelling.  My stomach feels so big (and hard).  I could probably pass as having an early pregnancy.

You are probably wondering how it went, so...

Cervix - Almost completely gone due to both my LEEPs.  I mentioned this before.  I'm wondering if this 100% sets me up for needed a cervical cerclage?  RE has to dilate it a lot to get the tube past the scar tissue and into my uterus.

Uterus - Normal but showed abrasions (the red marks)?  He said since I go so long between AF that this can happen.

Left Fallopian Tube - Normal.  Open & nothing wrong.

Right Fallopian Tube - Not normal.  It was open so they didn't have to unblock it.  But there was a lot of scar tissue, it was enlarged & very twisted.  This increases my risks of ectopic pregnancy by a lot.  Not sure if this means I skip IUI & head to IVF instead.  But since it's not block they left it as is.

Ovaries - Normal.  I'm assuming they are the blue/white things in the photos.  My tubes are also blue in colour due to the dye they used.

Liver - Normal.  Not sure why they gave me a photo of it.  But I guess I haven't drank it to death yet.

Vagina - Doing amazing like always.  Kind of sad I can't have sex or even take a bath for a week since my cervix with dilated.

My post-op appointment is next Thursday, which is also my "what to do with me appointment."  SA was done, HSG Lap Surgery done, BW done, U/S done.  I can now move forward with treatment.  And paying big money for what the other 99% of the population gets for free.  

CD12