November Cost

$10,363 billed to my insurance, which covers my surgery, lab results, facility and RE visits.  This will probably be the largest for awhile. 

I hope my boobs get sore soon (today, tomorrow) so I know I O'ed.  I dislike sore boobs but they let me know my body is doing something.  AF should be due Thursday(CD30), Friday, Saturday or Sunday (CD33, 15dpo).  Then more Vitex.  If no AF then I'm calling the RE to start Provera and injectables. 

I pick up my puppy tomorrow.  :)

-Selbe

CD25, 7dpo

Random Update

This is going to be a random post of me ranting.  Some of it has nothing to do with infertility.

Facebook events for places I no longer live near.  I move around a lot so I have friends in many states.  Every once and awhile I get an invite for one of these events thrown by a friend or "friend" in a different state.  I don't mind one or two a year inviting me to your BBQ or birthday party.  But I'm talking about one or two a week inviting me to some event, usually a concert or those parties where they sell things.  I am not going to drive five hours!  Simple as that.  I have a job, life, sick pets and it's a really long fucking drive.  Not unless you are really special to me and it's an important event (wedding, baby shower, big birthday celebration, etc.) count me out.     

Facebook events for people I don't know.  We are scheduled to move soon and we have a 95% sure idea where we are going.  It's a place I've never been to and have very little knowledge about.  I joined a group for wives that already live there to kind of get to know the area.  One young mother invited me and all the other 300+ members of the group to her child's first birthday party.  She said she did it because she didn't know many people in the area.  I can understand that.  But 1. I currently live 3000+ miles away, 2. I've never met or talked to you before, 3. I've never met your child, 4. Inviting a large number of strangers to your house doesn't seem safe for you or your child.  I know living in a new area with no or very few friends does suck.  I've been there pretty much every time I move.  But I'm sure you can still give your child a good birthday even with just a few people or just the two of you.  

I hide preggos and new moms on Facebook.  I hide pretty much all the pregnant women, with the exception of two who I can actually stand.  I hate the constant updates about the baby.  Believe it or not I do remember you are pregnant and I don't need a reminder each day (or several times a day).  This is also for new moms that post updates and photos continuously.  Every once and while I go through and "unhide" the ones that I might think are safe now.  I did this yesterday, one is already re-hidden because I completely forgot she was one of those new moms.  

I hate people that bitch how horrible their kids are on Facebook.  I hate it even more when they get PG with baby #2.  This person needs to be deleted.  I grew up with verbal abuse, I know what it's like to be told what a piece of shit you are by your own parent.  This does not reach to that level but it still upsets me.  And that fact that they planned for another baby at a certain time AND actually got it.  I'm sure (and hope) they are not as bad of parents as they post in these status updates.  But still don't put those kinds of things for other people to read.  (I need to do a post about drug addicts, abuse, mistake pregnancy and God soon.)  

Asking me to vote in some Facebook contest.  I really don't want to be forced into voting for your child or pet.  Please stop sending me messages or wall posts because you've realized I haven't voted yet.  If I'm really super excited about the contest then I'll do it on my own time.  One person sent me a message asking me to vote for her dog in some halloween costume contest to win money.  The puppy has terminal cancer and needs money for meds.  That seems sweet and all.  But you know who else has terminal cancer?  My pet.  You know who else needs meds?  My pet.  Do you think most people give a fuck?  Nope.  Do you see people giving me money?  Nope.  Does this bother me?  Not at all.  Why?  Because he's my pet and my responsibly.  I knew when I got him years ago that he would eventually get old and cost me a lot in medical bills.  I knew that from the start.  I will never ask for money for medical bills or food for him.  (FYI if anyone ever does donate money to a person or shelter for animal medical bills, make sure you get the name of the vet they use and send the money straight to the vet with their account name.  Don't just send it to the person/shelter.)

The preggo at work keeps reminding me she is pregnant.  It's pretty fucking obvious.  I don't forget, in fact when I see her name of the schedule it's the first thing I think.  The other day she let me know that she keeps forgetting things because "only another 8 weeks to go!"  Well I forget a lot of shit too and I'm not even PG.  Yesterday I did a project for my class and completely forgot to hand it in.  What good that did.  I tried to be nice and ask about her fetus, but now it's all I hear about.  Sometimes I just put her on mute.  

Now I must sounds like a total fucking bitch that won't come to your events, your kids birthday party, ignores your fetus, newborn child and cares less about your dying pet.  I'm really not that bad. If I'm not close to you or your child then I tend to distance myself.  But if I haven't seen you since high school, you haven't called or texted me and the only commutation we've had is adding me as your Facebook friend then... And I donate a lot of animal shelters with pets that do have cancer AND are abandoned or abused.  I'm not totally heartless.

One of my pets passed away Saturday morning.  I've talked about Munchlet from time to time and his Insulinoma (mentioned above).  But this was another one, our only girl.  No health problems and here death was sudden.  She was fine Thursday, sick Friday night and gone by Saturday morning.  Bean and I both had to work early Saturday morning so we cleaned up her body before going in.  My eyes watered but I never cried.  Not sure why.  My tears are sometimes delayed because I don't 100% process something is gone right away.  Or maybe because Bean was crying and I had to be strong for him.  Or maybe I just wasn't that close to her.  Or maybe I've just been so busy with work and school.  Or maybe because I've been through so much this year and a half that I've learned tears will not fix anything.  But she's gone and I'm hoping to get some time off work at the end of the month to transport her body (which is currently in my freezer) to NY to burry her.  RIP Stinker 8.27.06 - 11.5.11 

-Selbe

CD25, 10dpo

Happy Birthday Munchlet!

I just paid some stranger on the internet $18 to tell me my fertility future.  I've completely lost it.  I've never really been a fan of psychics.  But compared to the other money I've spent on Preseed or anything else that I thought would get me PG, for a tiny bit of hope, this seems somewhat sane.  She predicts birth/conception month, gender, looks, and I think a few other things.  It's for those that are TTC or currently PG.  Cheri22 is the website if anyone is interested.  Tiny bit of hope!

---

Happy Birthday
Munchlet!

Today is my baby's birthday, furbaby, not real child.  It seems like just yesterday I was bringing him to the park of the first time at 8 weeks old.  He walked a couple yards, saw a duck, started crying and then asked to be picked up.  That was the end of our trip to the park.  They are the closest thing I have to children so I talk about them like one of those mum's that thinks their kid is poops gold.  Ok, maybe not that bad.  Sad thing is this is probably his last birthday, or one of them.  He's getting old and was dignosed with insulinoma cancer last year.  So I leave you with some photos.  Happy 5th Birthday Munchlet Eins!

PS Still no SA results. :(  Or Progesterone, but my doctor has a habit of never calling with test results.  That pisses me off.

-Selbe

CD25, still no sign of O

Grrr, Car...

Today = not a good day.  It doesn't help I woke up in a bad mood to begin with (after reading someones Facebook status that pissed me off).  The car that I mentioned was fixed yesterday is now broken again.  I tried to use the convertible roof on it today (first sunny day and all), it went all the way down and didn't lock.  When it doesn't lock it gets stuck, it won't lock or come back up.  I can't drive it anywhere because it's not safe and the car just keeps beeping.  I also can't really leave the roof down for fear it might rain.  So where I was heading with the car got canceled and was replaced with two hours on the phone with the dealership I got it from.  I was pissed, I still am.  I even cried on the phone to 2 out of the 3 guys I talked too.  It's been two months.  I'm sick of having it looked at and being told to bring it back another day for more time/parts or that it's now fixed.  The dealership I got it from is 1 1/2 hr away, the sister dealership is 40 minutes away.  I'm sick of driving it to both.  The car runs like it's supposed to.  It does it's basic job of getting me for one place to another (well when the convertible is up).  It just sucks when you pay extra money for something and get doesn't work.  I'm beyond frustrated with it.

You can't return or exchange a car so I can't just give it back.  I tried!  But I seriously think it's time to trade this thing in.  I miss my sunroof so much right now.

I'm one of those people that once I get upset about something, everything else just comes up too.  No matter how big or small my other problems are, once I start getting angry and crying they find there way to the surface.  I start out upset about one thing (the car), by the end I've added five other problems to the mix, like my broken ovaries, my dying pet, how fat I currently feel, etc.  This is not a good thing.

Two and half hours and a box of tissues later I decided to drive to Target.  By then my car decided to work again and I felt stable enough to be seen in public.  Five minutes down the road I began crying again (I was wrong about the stable part).  I also cried in the Target parking lot and I'm pretty sure I looked like shit walking around the store.   

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a local dealership to have it looked at again.  This is the place I normally take my cars to since it's right up the road and I actually like them.  So I'll probably be hanging out there all day unless they can find me a rental or I can talk someone into picking me up.  Maybe I'll test drive a few cars and get a trade-in quote on this POS.  That will make me feel like I got somewhere.

PS I've also decided Target seems like a really like place to work in my miserable state.  

PSS I'm pretty sure I said some mean things to people on Facebook today.  Oh well...

CD25, 7DPO, -POAS