Sunday, September 23, 2012

On a Break

And then there was the end...

That pretty much sums up IUI #2.

It Only Takes One

Fertile and infertile women say this to me all the time, especially after my last IUI.  I know they are trying to be optimistic for me but I really find it annoying.  Honestly being in my shoes look at it this way:

Motility 83% 45% -100%
Rapid & Linear 58% 5% - 100%
Total Sperm 12.5 mil 1.3 mil 1 100 mil
Total Eggs 1 2 43
Outcome - - ? LOL + ? 

Logically if 12.5 million swimming to 1 egg = negative, then 1.3 million non-swimming to 2 eggs = most likely negative.  So just one sperm, swimming or not, to 17 fucking eggs is also going to equal negative.

I'd much rather be honest and realistic, and I know that doesn't work for some people.  But that is what works for me.  Once I get the hope in my mind, all the other happy thoughts and dreams come with it.  When I find out it didn't work I end up crying my eyes out for hours.  It's better off to be realistic, expect the worst and be emotional prepared for it.

Don't tell me "well it only takes one".  Just fucking say you're sorry and move on.

Maybe I've just had a crappy life and I'm used to horrible luck.


My cramps have mine really bad this cycle.  I've been drugged up on Midol every few hours.  TMI  Tons of clots and my spotting was almost purple.  That combined with the test from the other day, maybe I'm having a chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage?  I'd never know since I didn't get blood work and I'm not going to wander over to the ER now to have it done.  Not like they could do anything  for me anyways.  Labeling myself as having a chemical pregnancy isn't exactly on honor.  

Future Plans with IVF

My plans before with using Bean's cryopreservation was to complete about 8-ish IUIs before I got to the top of the IVF list.  So far we've done two, August and then September 2012.  October is canceled.  November might be canceled depending on some other scheduling.  December is still on.  After that my schedule gets sketchy.  It looks like December will be my third IUI and that's it.  I wouldn't mind going to IVF and not completing a third IUI.  Bean's numbers are not that great, so I'm not even sure it's worth it.  Only reason I even do the IUIs to begin with is there's a tiny bit of hope and they are only $200.  

I'm looking forward to this break for a cycle or two.  I'll still be on Met everyday.  I'd hate to stop and have to spend another three weeks of my body getting used to it again later on.  It's just easier to stick with it.  Met usually takes about three month in your body before it starts to work so I'm interested in seeing it it kicks in.

I hate the number 13.  The ultrasound was on a Friday the 13th.  Ever since I'm superstitious of it.  I don't like odd numbers, and 3's.  I don't really a baby born in 2013.  That might sound weird, but I really hoped to make the 2012 cut off.  Now 2014, that's a safe number.  At least I've checked off over half of 2013 now.

I'm going to call Madigan tomorrow and double check with them when my approximate IVF date is.  I can't always trust the things they tell me because they tend to leave out details and are unorganized.  I think the price increased from $6000 to $8000 a couple months ago too.  I'd like to have around $12-14k saved up for IVF and possibly a FET or two.

An IVF cycle ($8-13k) consists of injectable drugs, blood work, ultrasounds, going in to retrieve the eggs when mature, having the eggs combined with sperm in the lab to create embryos, and then a few days later putting 1 or 2 embryos in the uterus.  The extra embryos, can be none, can be 20, are frozen. If the IVF cycle does not work (or you want your baby to have siblings years down the road) then the next cycle the frozen embryos are used.  This cycle is called a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) and costs about $4k on top of what you already paid for the IVF.  Every time you go to do FET with the remaining embryos and you have pay again.

I'm a much better candidate for IVF than IUI due to my age and that fact I have tons of eggs for the average 27 year old.  Plus if I have ten eggs, well theoretically Bean only needs 10 sperm, not 10 million.  And they don't even need to be swimming or have tails.

Since I'm not TTC I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging for the next month or so.  Forgive me if I'm missing for bits of time.

PS I got a new basal thermometer today!  My old one needed a new battery, and it was cheaper to buy a new thermometer than one of those tiny watch batteries.  I'll keep my current one as backup.


  1. I'm sorry! I can totally relate. I try to be realistic in my attempts, but everyone tries to get my hopes up- fustrating!

    1. Yup, just let me be depressed it didn't work. Don't get my hopes up unless you want to be the one sitting with me for hours as a cry and blow snot all over. LOL

  2. I'm sorry! Good luck with your call to Madigan tomorrow.

  3. Just founds your blog and can relate on a number of levels. I hate the "takes just one" bs...and I have literally adjusted cycles to work around the 13th ;)

    I'm doing retrieval for IVF #3 this week (hoping for baby 2).

    Good luck!!

  4. I'm sorry your IUI didn't work.


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