Friday, September 21, 2012


Thanks for the emails/messages/comments everyone.  I know many of you were looking for an update.  The second line never seems as dark or pink as the other day, so I never posted anything else on here.  I figured it would start getting darker by now if it was a true BFP.  I also never went in for blood work ether.

Green is the July 23 cycle.
Purple is my current cycle.

Fertility Friend going by my BBT puts me at 14dpo.  Ovacue puts me at 14/12dpo (gave me two days, the 12dpo is probably more accurate).  My OPKs put me at 14/13dpo.  The O type pains I felt puts me at 12dpo.  The guess for the U/S and trigger timing puts me at 14/13dpo.  I think I will just average it out and say 13dpo for now, or 15dpt, 13dpiui.  AF should be here today, tomorrow, Sunday, or maybe Monday.

I'll do the TWW symptoms from Countdown to Pregnancy today.

Sharp/Stabbing Pains/Pulling/Pinching - Sometimes, off and on, usually the left side.  But I've had it other BFN cycles too.
Cramps (Like PMS/AF) - 11dpo, 13dpo.  I sometimes have no cramps before AF (last cycle) or it goes on for several days.  It doesn't randomly stop though.  But I cramp a lot more randomly since my D&E.
Ovulation Pain - 0dpo, before arriving at Location X.  
Backache - 13dpo
Sensitive Breasts - 9dpo-now.  Medium to very sore.
Weepy - 11-12dpo.
"I Feel Out This Month"/Depressed - 0dpo-now.  Not going to lie, it's infertility.
Headache - 13dpo
Stuffy/Running Nose - 1-10dpo.  I've had a cold.
Dizziness/Light Headed - Off and on, not as bad as other cycles though.
Sore Throat - 1-3dpo.  Again, sick.
Increased Sense of Smell - 11dpo-now.  Stuff stinks, it makes me stomach hurt more.  Not sure if it always stinks or it's just me.
Dry Mouth/Increased Thirst - 1-5dpo.  Again, sick.
Fatigue/Exhaustion - Off and on.  Probably from being sick.
BBT Luteal Phase Dip - 2, 8 and 12dpo.  Largest at 8dpo.
Vivid Dreams - 13dpo, they are more real?
Cervix Pain - 11dpo, typical pulling.
Diarrhea - Often.  Probably just the Met.
Increased Cervical Fluid - 13dpo, usually don't happen right before AF so that was a surprise.
Vomiting - 11dpo
Nausea - 11dpo - now.  My stomach still doesn't feel right, it hurts a lot.  I woke up during the night yesterday to eat.  And it still hurt today during my interview.  It feels better if I eat, but I have zero interest in doing so somedays.
New/Strange Cravings - 11dpo - now.  I want to eat peas and carrots.  And I had Taco Bell for the first time in years.

I don't think I'm pregnant.  We only had sex one day and the IUI was crap.  My hormones are probably very high, hence why I feel so awful.  As soon as I get AF then the sore boobs and nausea will go away.

I'm done TTC for awhile.  I don't have much choice anyways, but I am sick of being poked and prodded and all the doctors' appointments.  Even if we could do IVF in the next couple cycle I wouldn't in interested.  I'm tired of being that infertile.  The one that very much so wants a family for herself, her husband, and an addition to his family.  I feel like a failure for that.  And I feel like a failure for not being able to carry the one child we had to term.  Sometimes I honestly think certain people (family and friends) don't give a fuck about me because I don't have a child.  I'm less of a person, less of a "real" women because of my infertility.  I don't want to be this infertile anymore, I just want to be normal.  I've learned just because you have dreams doesn't mean they'll come true.

I've been working on buying somethings for Coral.  She doesn't need much, not like Loki did where we had to buy everything for a new dog.    I bought her some bows, and she needs a harness since I'm pretty sure we gave away Loki's puppy one he outgrew.  I'd do clothes just because she's cute and a girl, but dog clothes are expensive!  They also grow out of them within a matter of weeks at that age.  Not worth it.

My ferret Nibbler has been diagnosed with adrenal disease/cancer.  Not a big surprise for me since I often know their diagnosis before even go to the vet.  He has the typical hair loss starting at the tail and moving up the body.  Without treatment he'll become completely bald and eventually die.  That will still happen but at a slower pace now.  He had an hormonal implant about the size of rice or a microchip put into his neck.  He was awake for it and they said he didn't seem to feel a thing after getting distracted with ferret candy.  They put a little bit of glue on his neck just in case, but he seems fine.  Nibbler may will eventually need another one of these implants, maybe a couple, depending on how long he lives for.  His fur should start coming back and I'm hoping he gains some weight too.


  1. I can definitely relate to how your feelings! Thanks for writing it.

  2. Well, the purple line hasn't consistently dropped yet ... could there still be hope? I hope so!

    Good luck to Nibbler - poor little guy. I love his pink nose.


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