Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Feeling Pregnant

Sometimes I still feel pregnant.

Dumb, I know.  I don't know if it is because I might be in my two week wait (I don't know for sure), or my progesterone is higher than normal, or that since I have been pregnant before I now know the symptoms to look for.  Maybe even making up those symptoms.

Like today for example.  I keep getting nauseous.  I eat and it goes away, but an hour later it returns.  I had a Luna bar for breakfast.  I started getting nauseous and was starving by first break at work, so I had my Greek yogurt and flax seeds (what was supposed to be my lunch).  Nauseous and starving again, for lunch I went and bought food.  By break two, same story.  I finished my lunch then.  Same thing when it was time to go home.  Then I thought the last time I got these short bouts of nausea was right before I found out I was pregnant, and didn't know what it was yet.  Come to think about it I was starving then too.  My stupid mind things maybe I am pregnant?

I quickly push that thought aside.  

 BFN (negative) after miscarriage
Same goes for the pregnancy tests.  Even though my beta was <5 last week sometimes I swear I still see a faint double line.  I have to be going insane.  That or my test are super sensitive.  Or now that I know where the second line is supposed to be I imagine it there.  

Or squishing my boob because I think they might be sore when moved a certain way.

The most practical answer is I'm a crazy infertile and probably making things up hoping to look for a way I might be pregnant.  

Fucking crazy...

Have any of you post-miscarriage women done the same thing?

And I'm nauseous again...

My body is exhausted from work.  I just worked the last six days in a row, 42 hours total.  I want to sleep forever.  And my back is killing me.  Today starts my weekend though and I'm happy for that.

My pre-op appointment is Thursday for my surgery.  I might mention to the RE the ovulation type pain I had last week and "accidentally" having sex twice around that time (nothing is a fucking accident in infertility).  Maybe get him to do a progesterone test on me Friday to see where my levels are.  The surgery can't be done on someone who is pregnant, it will kill the baby.  You're supposed to use protection CD1 and on to prevent against pregnancy.  Well I never had a CD1 after my D&C, so yeah, no protection was used.

The menstrual cramps I was having have gone away.  I thought they were going to be the start of AF, my first period since my D&C (it's been almost 7 weeks!)  It got worse and worse, then went away.  Fucking cock tease.  Well never mind there.


  1. Stacy...you are not crazy at all...I honestly feel kinda relieved knowing I'm not the only one who holds the millionth preggers test in different angles because I swear their is another line there...pull it out of the garbage to double check....think...."hmmmm do my boobs hurt, I wonder?". Buy more pregger test that I can not afford just to get another negative result and start my damn period the next day...it's all very irritating....for fuck sakes Snooki is pregnant! WTF!

    1. Yup, gotta hold it in every direction. Look at it in daylight, with a flashlight, take a photo with the camera flash, without the flash. Sometimes a few different cameras. Put it in photo software, try and bring out the second line more. Try a different brand. Run to Walgreens and buy more.

      I don't throw any of mine out. I don't know what is more insane, that or going through the trash.

  2. This is exactly what I am trying very, very hard not to obsess over right now ... so far I've resisted the pregnancy tests (I only have the cheapies and I know it's too soon for them), but I can't keep my hands off my boobs. "Perhaps they're slightly more sensitive than they were the last time I checked, five minutes ago?" !!!
    Hang in there, and yes, I think you should mention it to your doctor ... just in case.

    1. Haha yup. I even take my bra off. Maybe they'll be more sore, or noticeable sore if they are flopping around. I think I felt a kinda sharp pain near them, that's the start of soreness right? If I bend a certain why they flop forward and I think that is soreness. I'm probably making this all up.

    2. Good idea, what have I been doing examining myself while keeping my bra on ... I could have really sore boobs and be totally pregnant without even knowing it!

    3. That or they are going to be sore just from poking them so much the last few days. Haha

    4. And therein lies the problem! I'm creating my own symptoms!

      My friend told me a couple weeks ago that her cat was pregnant. They had already planned to take her in to be sterilized, so thought the vet could uh, remove, the kittens at the same time. Last night she told me that the cat wasn't really pregnant, and then joked that it must have been like a "pyschological pregnancy" where the woman thinks she is pregnant so much that she starts having all the symptoms. That's what I need to avoid ...


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