Game Over

IUI #1.5... failed.

After five days of spotting and calling up the RE with the WTF question it finally came.  I would count Friday as CD1 but my flow didn't pick up 'til really late at night, so today it is.  I can't start my new cycle of meds 'til Monday anyways.  

My husband got deployed last week.  In the last couple months he had frozen sperm incase IUI #1 #1.5 didn't work.  Which is great now because I can use it and be the talk of every bored military wife if it does work.  The bad thing is that frozen sperm doesn't always hold up as well as the fresh stuff.  Many die in the freeze and thaw.  We also have low count to begin with.  Plus we can't get extra sexy time in before and following the IUI like last time.  The odds are not in our favor.

My Choices:

1. Pay $10k at least and have IVF done at a doctor outside of the military, going ahead of the military wait list.
2. Do IUI #2 with frozen sperm.
3. Do nothing.

I'm going with the second one.  We have two vials in storage, enough for two IUIs well he's gone.  Tentatively mid-September for #2 and mid-October for #3.  I'll put TTC on hold after October.  If the thaw for IUI #2 is really bad then I'll just stop there.  

For IUI #2 I'll start Femara Monday, U/S around the 7th and IUI around the 11th.

I did cry when I knew this didn't work (which has been several days now).  It was more of a combined cry with my upcoming due date (another post).  Which is now CD1!  It's hard for me to understand 1 egg to 13 million sperm in such a small place.  Where does it go wrong?  Not one of those fucking 13 million could find the egg?  

IUI Success Rate - Source

I'm getting rid of baby aspirin also.  Not sure if it helped my follicle grow or if it was all Femara.  I had 10mm follicle with 6mm lining on Clomid.  Compared to 17.5mm follicle with 8 mm lining on Femara.  But if I do crappy on my next follicle scan they'll just move me to injectables like I've been asking for anyways.  All I will waste is time.  That is fine because my race to get pregnant by the end of 2011   have an apocalypse baby   to give birth in 2012    to get pregnant before my due date to beat the deployment is over. 

Normally an RE will tell you your best chance of success from IUI will be in the first three cycles.  Not saying it won't happen, just less likely.  Depending on why you think the IUI failed, how hopeful you are and the price difference between IUI vs IVF, this can move up or delay IVF.  Or in my case a really long wait list, cheap IUI and nothing but time to kill.  I will probably make it to 5 or 6 IUI (if unsuccessful) before IVF.

Deployment

As for my husband's business trip I don't know where he went or when he'll be back.  We have very limited contact.  No Skype, Facetime, Internet, phone call, text messages, snail mail or emails.  I can send him 10 messages the whole deployment and each has to be under 50 words.  Good ol' family grams.  Each one is read by someone before it is sent off, and then read aloud in front of a bunch of people before it is given to him.  Not much privacy there.  I can't say anything too depressing or it won't get sent, or too much "code" text.  And he won't respond to any of them, ever.  There is nothing I can do to get him to come home early, except for maybe dying.  I'm on my own.  I also have a lot of free time.

Etsy

I re-listed a bunch of my old stuff I made on Etsy.  Only thing that really sell is my small animal bedding sets, which goes for about $30 a set.  I'm paid by PayPal for everything, which I then use to buy other things online.  I feel like I get things for free that way.  Problem is I don't put much effort into it.  If I made new bedding all the time and advertised I'm make a lot more.  Right now I get about five orders a week.  

-Selbe

BFN... So Far

I think I'm out.  All I do is spot.  AF is due tomorrow or Friday and this is the third day of spotting.  Most of the time nothing shows up on a pantyliner and I only see it when I check my cervix.  It's only brown too, no red yet.  I'm not sure what would cause so much spotting, I only spot for a day before AF max.  Sometimes not even that long.  I figure it's just a slow and miserable start to AF.  

I've been cramping a lot too which makes me think AF is coming.  Nothing today but yesterday was bad.  I actually laid there crying because that combined with spotting means I'm done for this cycle.  I tend to start cramping right about the start of AF and it doesn't end 'til I take Midol or three days later.  Standing, sitting, laying down, and curled in a ball has no effect on the pain.  But yesterday I learned if I move the pain goes away.  Then comes back later and goes away again.  

My temp dipped really far down yesterday also, but went back up today.  My boobs do hurt, I'm tired, and scatterbrained. 

Oh course every HPT is negative.

Please, BFP or just give me AF so I can start over.  Preferable before Friday afternoon because my RE isn't open on the weekend.

The plan for next cycle?  I will start Femara again this weekend or maybe Monday.  My ultrasound will be around September 7th, trigger around 9th and IUI #2 on the 10th.  Same meds and procedure as before.

-Selbe

11dpo

AF is due Thursday or Friday.  I usually get it 14 or 15dpo. 

Today is 11dpo and I have this brown spotting.  I never spot this early!  My temps are still pretty high too.  

The hopeful answer would be implantation bleeding but that only happens in a small number of women.  Worried that it is just an early AF though.

-Selbe

Spotting

Spotting Continues

This is the longest I've ever spotting before AF, or in general.  Day five so far but I think it has stopped for now.  I can't call it CD1 or start Clomid.  I keep trying to get it to start more.  Walk, run, poke my cervix, vibrator (can't have sex because of the semen freezing is tomorrow).  I've even started with the Vitamin C.  I don't want to take Provera because that's progesterone and is going to stop it before starting it again.  I started getting some cramping yesterday, and again today.  Nothing that strong though.  Today marks CD58.  I don't know of anymore tips to make it start.

What If

Starting IUI brings way more other "what if" questions.

• What if I don't produce enough eggs & my cycle is canceled?
• What if I produce too many eggs & my cycle is canceled?
• What if my lining is too thin?
• What if Bean's count isn't that great for the freezing tomorrow?
• What if the count isn't great after thawing?
• How many samples should he produce to keep frozen?
• How much of it is used up for IUI?
• What if I can't get to all the appointments because of work?
• What if Bean can't get to a fresh IUI because of work?

I try to ignore them and not worry about it.  Most of those things I can't change.  

I'm not trying to put too much hope in this IUI.  In the last 15 months (possible up to 24 months) I've ovulated 5 times.  Of those 5 times we did timed intercourse 3 of them.  Of those 3 times I got pregnant once.  The average women my age has a 20-25% chance of getting pregnant each cycle she tries.  Meaning sperm and egg there at the same time.  That's also given there are no other health problems and the sperm quality is good.

My rate of ovulation is crappy, not going to lie there.  But out of the cycles I did ovulate AND sperm was there I got a 1 in 3 shot.  Which is great.  So with the fertility drugs making sure I ovulate and Bean's sperm shot up there at perfect timing I have a great chance.  I try to think of the people I know that have gotten PG on IUI #1 and have a healthy baby now.  That could be me.  But I also know of people that have done IUI #4, #5 or #7 with no results.  

I don't want to get my hopes up because I know IUI #1 only has a 20-25% like normal sex for me.  Plus I don't want to be heartbroken.  I plan on doing five IUIs before making the move to IVF.

Photo a Day

I think I'll do one of those photo a day challenges for June.  It will keep me busy.  I found this one.

-Selbe

More Spotting

Loki & I

Brown spotting with no cramps on Saturday.

Brown spotting with minor cramps on Sunday.

Brown spotting with painful cramps today.  I've taken Midol twice and put a heating pad on.

Narwhal, soon, please?

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DITY move stickers.

The move has started.  

Our pre-move inspection was last Friday.  We went to look at U-Hauls the other night.  Tomorrow I bring Car #2 (2011 VW Tiguan) for a check-up and to install a hitch.  Car #2 will have Bean, myself, dog and two ferrets in it.  It will also be attached to said U-Haul.  Thursday I bring Car #1 (2008 VW Beetle) for a check-up.  Car #1 will be driven by my mother-in-law and aunt-in-law, who are both flying in on the 7th.  Friday the movers come to pack, this is also Bean's last day of work.  Saturday is my last day of work.  Monday the movers come to pack again.  Tuesday the movers come to put everything on the truck.  I also need to find the dog a groomer or day care (yes they really have day care for dogs) to hang out at while the movers are here.  We'll start heading to WA on the following Sunday.

There are two types of moves when you are military.  A military move where the military pays for a company to come to your house, bring boxes, pack up everything, put it on a truck, transport it, deliver it, unpack it all, take the boxes away.  A DITY move where you move yourself, find all the boxes, carry things, move everything in your car.  The military pays you back for the DITY move for the boxes you buy, gas, moving trucks you rent, etc.  There are advantages and downfalls to both.  Or you can do both a military and DITY move, what we always do.  Pretty much everything is military move.  We DITY move live things (pets, plants), valuables (jewelry), things that can't be replaced (photo albums, computer hard drives), stuff they don't move (cleaning supplies, booze, open food), stuff we actually need to live with (clothes, somewhere to sleep, computers).  I put DITY stickers on stuff I don't want them to pack, or else later on I can't find it and it's in some box, somewhere three states away.

-Selbe

Spotting

Tiny bit of brown spotting.  Would love for it to be AF, and not just leftovers from my surgery.  It's been eight weeks since my D&C.  Tiny bit of cramping, not like that matters.  I've had cramping for weeks now.

I really hope my body starts ovulating on its own again.

-Selbe