Flood gates have opened. I'll be starting Clomid 100mg tomorrow morning. Although my track record with Clomid isn't all that great, I have the tinniest bit of excitement about it and the upcoming cycle.
I have not posted because I haven't been feeling all that great lately. Kind of been in a pissed off PMS mood and figured I wouldn't have anything nice to say anyways. The TTC groups have been depressing lately, lots of babies lost this week and on a few of the blogs here. Though I do wish to be there for them, for my sanity I need to step away. Especially with my IUI and due date coming up.
Last post was pretty fucking depressing. I wrote it in bed one night at 4am because I couldn't fall asleep. I cried through half of it. Even though it was the product of a snotty mess, I did feel better after a wrote it.
I lost my job last week. Well I didn't lose it like I got fired, I just didn't get transferred by the deadline date. I'm rehirable and all I have to do if fill out some forms and I'll get my old job back.
I talked about my job many times over the past year, but never mentioned the actual company. The company was always good to me so I never wanted to bash it nor didn't want anyone from my "fan club" to come looking for me. I worked for Target. For those of you that do not know Target is a large retail store in the United States and now Canada. They have a baby section, cribs all the way down newborn clothes. That's where I got all my wonderful stories over the past year.
I'm contemplating going through with the rehire. My doctor's appointment are so often, sometimes with a couple days notice. Even if I did get pregnant I would have to leave at 4 weeks anyways.
I did go and change my Target baby registry from August 25, 2012 to August 25, 2013. I spent long hours working on that. I'm not going to let it go to waste!
Goals for Next Pregnancy
Just thoughts, nothing I've 100% decided on.
- No baby shower 'til after the baby is born. Maybe a Welcome Baby party is better. - Baby shower games are stupid.
- One of those 3D ultrasounds ASAP. - Not sure the earliest one is done, just a regular 3D, not a gender one.
- Maternity photos as soon as my stomach starts looking like more baby, less like fat. - And later on also, I want to remember.
- Announce pregnancy early. - Still on the fence. But I want to be PG as long as possible, and I already know the pros and cons if my baby doesn't make it.
- I'm not going to mention every single fucking that I'm pregnant on Facebook. I'm sure the really important people in my life have figured it out by the 1st or 2nd status update. I don't know why anyone would mention it everyday, incase the news didn't get to everyone? - This one is 100%, those people get blocked on in my newsfeed. And I know what hurt feels like now.
These are for my fear of not having a take home baby.
Goals for This Cycle
- Ovulate one egg.
I don't ask for much with ether ovaries. It doesn't need to be more than one. I don't even need to get pregnant. I just want one egg matured and released. Baby steps. This was also the goal of my December cycle. Which seemed to work.