Tuesday, June 12, 2012
He Was Real
No one in my family recognizes my baby or miscarriage. They don't talk about it or asks how I'm doing. Bean says it's because I didn't bring baby home from the hospital, so it wasn't real. At least to them. As much as I don't want to admit it, I know he's right. But my baby was real. It had a heartbeat and I saw it on the ultrasound. It was alive and he was real.
I think I would be in a better mood if I was ovulating and getting my period regularly after my miscarriage. Then I'd feel like I had hope. But my body had stopped doing everything all together. I have zero hope. This is the worst case scenario after a miscarriage. Maybe after I get my period again and start Clomid and do the IUI I'll be happier. Nothing is 100% but I'll at least have a few more ounces of hope than what I have now.
The cramping continues. I take Midol up to three times a day now. Sometime it really hurts and I need it. Other times it's only mild but I still take the Midol. I don't even want to be in the littlest amount of pain. I don't want to be reminded of why I'm in pain. I'm in pain because I was pregnant. I'm in pain because my baby's heart stopped. I'm in pain because I had a D&E. I'm in physical and emotional pain.
(sorry for typos, I wrote this from my iPhone)
at 4:37 AM