Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Infant Adoption

I'm exhausted and I've had a headache for days.  I don't feel like I get enough sleep.  Maybe my side effects are worse this time because I take it at noon instead of before bed.  Or maybe because I didn't bring myself up from a low dose like last year.  I've very happy tomorrow is my last day of it.

Bean and I talked about possibly going through with infant adoption in the future if this route doesn't work out.  I don't know how far down this road I want to go.  I'm tired with it all already.  I don't know how I'd take it if I lost another baby.  Although I want to carry a baby inside of me and feel it kick, it's not worth it.  I don't want to see another baby died vix early miscarriage or my cervical incompetence.  My cervix isn't something you can fix with IVF, donor eggs or donor embryos.  What if I take that risk and one of these fertility treatments work out?  What if my cervix falls and I go into labour early?  What if my baby dies because of it?  Then I'm going to fear than I'll blame it on myself for killing it.  

I got the slightest interest in looking at baby cribs today.  I wouldn't buy one though, I have to have to perfect design in the perfect colour.   Infertility sometimes makes you really picky.

My first follicle scan ultrasound is on the 26th.  I'm hoping to see at least one follicle.  That would make my day.


  1. You're so right about infertility making you picky. If you ever see what my son has for gear, it's the best of the best (well for the most part.)

    1. I almost fear my pregnant self. Years ago I would have been happy with whatever someone else bought me. I'm not ungrateful now, but if I had to wait this long, it's a miracle and most likely my only child, I'm much more concerned with things being as perfect as I can make them.


Me <3 comments... and chocolate peanut butter cups!

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