My Apple Juice is Pregnant

The Anonymous Pregnant Person

I love Pinterest.  I pin random crap for the twins I am having soon.  Nursery, baby shower ideas (not sure if I'm even having one yet), and maternity photos.  And then other people repin those things and I'm like whatever.  Every once and awhile I see someone repin my pin and I don't recognize their name.  So I'm like who the hell are you?  I check their profile and just see it's some random person on the Internet because that's how Pinterest works.  And there it is, their profile picture.  Big belly and all!  Meh they are pregnant.  I kind of feel... I don't know.  They can actually use this idea.  And I'm not pregnant with my future twins yet so I am way a head of myself planning.  Which is awesome because I'm not waiting 'til last minute like this 8 month along anonymous pregnant person.  Though since my last loss I have no interest starting a nursery 'til at least 30+ weeks.  But I did pin a bunch of stuff on Pinterest which makes me much farther ahead than anonymous preggo.  Selbe = amazing.

It Is The Squeaky Wheel That Gets The Grease

I'm not really one to draw a lot of attention to myself.  Even as a child I was this way.  It's usually other people in my life that are attention whores and I like that most of the time.  As I've mentioned on this blog from time to time, please don't pity me for my infertility or any other crap that has happened in my life.  I don't want people to feel sorry for me.  I'm here to tell my story so I can help others that are going though something similar (now, past or future).  And for the people that are affected by infertility threw a friend, daughter, sister, whoever.  Infertility isn't something you "get" until you stepped in the shoes yourself.

Every once and awhile I hear someone (person A) tell me a story of a friend or relative (person B) they know.  The story is about how bad they (B) have it and this person (A) feels awful and pities them.  This happens for all different things but lets use infertility as an example.    So they (A) start talking about how this person they know (B) has to have lap surgery, or an HSG.  Or maybe just basic Clomid or trying for a "really long time". Something that I've already been through.  And I stand there listening to sentence after sentence of pity and how horrible it is.  I don't know if I should bring out my own squeaky wheel and be like, "well I've had an HSG myself and blah blah blah it was so much worse."  Then this person will feel bad for me too... maybe.  Or maybe they'll bring up another point of why the other person (B) has it way worse than me, something that usually is bull shit.  I've realized I don't like people feeling sorry for me and I'm a crappy squeaky wheel.  Most of the time I say nothing at all except for the occasion "umm OK".  Looking like a heartless bitch is better in my eyes than a whiny bitch.  

But I really do want to say an HSG or whatever it is really isn't the worst thing in the world.  There are many other things and people that have it worse.  If I'm going to have pity for someone it is going to be them instead.

Sometimes I think people don't realize there really is worse out there.

Or those people that purposely want others to feel bad for me.  I don't know how they can live with themselves.  Grow some ovaries.  

Current Cycle

CD67, longest cycle in over a year and half.  I finished my Provera the other day and my EDD for AF is June 19.  These menstrual cramps suck. (Who would of thought you could have AF cramps without AF?)  My boobs are also sore from this cycle of Provera, which makes sense since it's progesterone.  Provera has never given me sore boobs before.  

My Apple Juice is Fertile

On one of my forums a member posted how they tried a home pregnancy test in a few types of juices.  I decided to give this a try also in apple, orange juice and tap water.

Top: Apple Juice
Middle: Orange Juice
Bottom:  Tap Water

Congratulation apple and orange juice!  Tap water... well another round of fertility meds for you and I.  

I'm not sure what is in the juice that it is picking up hCG hormone.  Whether it is naturally in it or something added.  If anyone has the answer let me know.  Anyways it's kind of gross that pregnancy hormone are in juice. 

-Selbe

Appointment 5/17

Annually Pap Smear

This was yesterday, pretty routine.  With years of cervical dysplasia and infertility I'm no longer afraid of spread my legs to strangers.  In fact I get a little confused when I have an RE or OBGYN visit and they don't have me undress.  (But don't you want to see my vajayjay?)

I don't really care about the results.  If it's normal, great.  If it's abnormal, well I've already been down the road several times before.  

The one thing that annoys me about this facility (PCM) is they keep a record of how many pregnancies one has had.  One in my case.  But they don't keep a record of live births, losses or miscarriages, so they ask.  I guess this would not bother most fertile women because they can just say they have a healthy two year old at home. But someone like myself gets to tell them I've had a miscarriage EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Not cool.  Please just put a note in there about it, or change my number back to zero.  I loved my baby and no way do I want to say he didn't exist.  I also don't want to go over it each time I'm there.

Metformin & my PCOS

This new PCM wanted to put me on Metformin for my PCOS.  I'm all for it, I hear it makes you poop a lot other than that it can't hurt.  He said he would think about it and call me in a few hours.  

He decided no. :(  I have no note of being diagnosed with PCOS in the records.  My records haven't arrived from NH, from ether my OBGYN or RE.  I put a request on April 27th to have them transferred.  But this facility never got around to filling it 'til May 3rd, then told me yesterday when I went to check on them that it takes 4-6 weeks to be transferred.  Seriously?  Which concerns me for my appointment next week because they most likely will not be here for that.

This is not the first time Metformin has been discussed for me.  My last set of glucose blood work showed my levels were in the normal range and I am not insulin resistant.  The RE decided since I'm not insulin resistant that Met would not work for me.  Makes sense.  But I've also read online that Met might help for those that are PCOS and not insulin resistant.  I don't know, but I don't mind trying the drug if anyone of these doctors was willing to prescribe it.

To be honest I don't even know if PCOS is even in my records from the past RE.  Yes, I have oligoovulation.  I don't get my period often and most of those times I don't ovulate.  However, my ovaries are not polycystic, in six ultrasounds they have never found one cyst.  All the other symptoms could be blamed on something else.  Like my acne, that's always been bad even in my pre-teens.  I think my body is hairy but a lot of women probably do.  And I'm also German, we are known for being furry everywhere.  But it's not like I'm growing a beard or have some strange facial hair.  My head hair isn't thinning nor am I losing it.  It's super thick and grows quick.  Though I'm fat with a BMI of 29, I guess I could also blame that on my love of ice cream.  I was labeled PCOS because they couldn't figure out anything else that could cause lack of ovulation for over a decade in a 27 year old female.  If anyone has any other ideas, let me know.

Upcoming Appointment

My appointment with my new RE is this Thursday.  I'm excited for it, but also worried now because I'm medical record-less.  I really wish doctors would let me carry a copy of my own records.  This lack of paperwork now means they have no record of my five rounds of Clomid, any blood work I've had, SA, HSG, any of the U/S, or my past pregnancy.  I also worry about being turned away for being not infertile enough, records or not.  If that's the case I will have to leave the military system and go out in town to see a doctor, because there is nothing else that can be done for me if I am turned away.

I am probably worrying over nothing. 

Current Cycle

CD48.  Lots of cramping.  My breast are sore again but I'm not sure if that's from running.  I only got sick to my stomach once this week.

I'm just waiting for Thursdays appointment so I can start Provera.  

Pinterest

I found a new love of Pinterest.   I never really understood it when I signed up 6 months or so ago.  Then I bought a house and need new ideas for it.  I've made boards (groups) for baby stuff I want to do or buy whenever I get PG again.  Also made one for infertility.  Usually just graphics to be used on here one day.  You are welcome to follow me.

I found this chalkboard idea for pregnancy where women write their weekly update about the baby like what size it is in fruit terms.  Then sometimes stand next to it to show how big their bump is.  I was thinking of doing this for infertility, the weekly update part.  The bump is really just my belly fat, it isn't that interesting.

This is another example of the fun things fertile preggos get to do.  Just like this blog, which I really just wanted a PG blog to document everything.  Then decided to start the early and do a "journey to pregnancy" blog.  A year later I'm still blogging about the stupid journey and I'm not much closer to having a baby. 

Chalkboard are a lot harder to find than you thing.  I went to Wal-Mart, Office Max and then Home Depot to just buy the paint to make a chalkboard.  

-Selbe