Sunday, May 6, 2012

Happy Mother's Day

I saw this on another blog today, International Bereaved Mothers Day.

Like most infertile women I hate Mother's day.  It's the fact that I want to be a mother but can't, then watching everything else celebrate it.  People put moms to a high pedestal like some sort of god you need to shower with material gifts.

What if there was a Mommy Pet Owners Day?  For my ferrets in the last 24 hours I gave them food, water and treats.  I wiped their cage down with Wet Ones and emptied and refilled two litter boxed full of shit and piss.  For my puppy in the last 24 hours I brought him to the dog park where he got diarrhea and pooped all down his fur.  I brought him home with poopy all over his butt since I didn't have anything to clean it.  Later I had to wipe and brush the poop out of him while he ran away in fear of the whole process.  He has also been feed.  I picked up his toys only to find them scattered all over again.  I got woken up several times this morning thanks to him making noise.  And I picked up all the dog poop around the yard. Even though I did all that a Mommy Pet Owners Day sounds silly.  I am just doing basic care and I knew what I was in for when I got them.  I don't need flowers or a card says I'm an amazing pet owners for wiping my six month old puppy's butt.  Just promise not to destroy my house too much and have Daddy Pet Owner buy me a milkshake every once and awhile.

Even when I become a Mother I don't expect to celebrate it.  Especially not now.  Not after these last few years of infertility, not after losing my baby.  Any couple can become parents (except infertile ones), it doesn't take many brain cells.  However, it's not always guaranteed they'll be good parents.  Just because someone figured out that vagina + penis = baby, or forgot to use a condom doesn't mean they need to be celebrated.  

After infertility, waiting years, injections, drugs with horrible side effects, procedures, surgery, and losing our babies on Mother's Day we are thrown to the side and forgotten.  No one ever sends a card to a women who has had another failed fertility treatment.  No one ever sends flowers to a women on Mother's Day remembering her stillborn or miscarriage baby.  The world shuts our sadness out.  

I don't know when Mother's Day is this year, nor do I really care.  What I would love is for infertility and pregnancy loss to be not so taboo.  

I'm sure they'll be another post about Mother's Day whenever Facebook alerts me that it is here.

For now, those that have lost their baby at 5 weeks, 11 weeks, 18 weeks, 24 weeks or 40 weeks, or if you are just struggling with infertility, I'm sorry, and I wish I could send flowers to each one of you.  Happy Mother's Day to you!


If you have lost a baby in the past you might want to check out Christian's Beach to have your little ones name written in the sand off this beautiful beach in AU.

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