I've learned with infertility nothing ever goes as you planned it. You can't just say you want to be pregnant now, or in the fall time, or give birth in the spring (common one of teachers so they have summer for maternity leave). You don't get to pick. And if something does go as planned I'm sure something else will come along to fuck it up.
A past plan of mine with having a baby while we live here. My husband will we home for the birth and good part of the babies first few months, at least. And I really like my OB Dr. S. It's hard for me to find a good doctor, I have a problem trusting a lot of them. Great plan? Back in July I mentioned I had to let those ideas go when I learned I ran out of time.
Even before all this I mentioned I wanted a baby born December 22, 2012. I'm just strange like that. Or December 2012, or even just fucking 2012. I like even numbers. Years ago these date seemed far off and not a concern. Well once again I had to admit I have run out of time.
April 9th, 2012
That is the date I need to ovulate by to have an EDD of December 31, 2012. Give or take some. Looking ahead this probably will not happen.
This cycle (February) is most likely a bust and my period is due next Tuesday-ish. Next cycle (March) I am out. I have surgery and really can't do any baby making. So I will be back in April.
I'm sad to be doing nothing in March but it will be a nice break. Plus I will be back in April with clean insides.
New Goal: Baby by 2020, or something.
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| I still see two lines... |
All I can say is I'm glad I'm going through all this now and not in my 30's or 40's. That would make my already problems worse. I sometimes feel bad for the women in the RE office that are much older. They probably hate me, looking like I'm 20 and all. I don't blame them. However, we are all in the same miserable spot.
Sometimes you just have to let some dreams go and move on. It was a stupid dream anyways.
-Selbe
When I first started trying, I kind of (arrogantly) thought it would be no trouble at all and all would go according to my plan. 2 miscarriages later, I know better. My mom, who is very spiritual, keeps telling me that any of us who try are wrong to put a timetable on it- the creation of a life is so important, it can only happen according to a higher plan, not ours. For my own sanity, its better to run with that idea--I've tried my best to let go of the timetables, though its bloody hard.
ReplyDeleteJay, ICLW # 13
I totally relate to the planning thing. It seems like every time I make a plan in my personal life, something happens to derail it. Infertility is the latest problem. But all we can do is hold on and enjoy the ride, right?
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about 2012 feeling like its not a possibility. And I totally get. There's a chance I may not get my first long awaited baby by the end of the year either and I hate it.
ReplyDeletehi from ICLW
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I wanted a baby by 28, by the end of 2011...sometime before I'm 30 or the end of 2012. Who knows when it will actually happen. Hoping your dream is fulfilled soon.
Hi. I'm also stopping by from ICLW. Every plan my husband and I have made has worked out in a completely different way. Everything's happening out of order and much later than we would have liked. I once thought I'd be done having babies by the time I was 30. HA! As hard as it is, I've been trying to let go of those original plans and just "go with the flow." So far, I kind of suck at it. I'm sorry your plans aren't working out, either. An "end of the world" baby would have been awesome, but, you know, a baby any time will be pretty amazing!
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm stopping by from ICLW as well. I'll admit, when I try to get pregnant again, I'd like to *try* and shoot for a fall or early winter baby. But between my mom's struggle to get pregnant with me and my miscarriage I know better than to think that a person can put a timeline on getting pregnant and *poof* it will be so. I get crazy jealous of those who are able to to do.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get your sticky baby very soon!