Starting Over

My biggest fear of my last post is not another round of Provera and my Clomid being increased to 150mg.  I'm OK as I could probably be with more meds.  But the fact I feel like I have to start over.

After my first LEEP I spent years returning for multiple pap smears and colposcopies, as often as every 3 months.  Most came back abnormal which meant even more visits.  But eventually I made it to yearly pap smears.  A year or two later they became abnormal again and I was sent for another colposcopy.  My doctor mentioned how I was probably the calmest person they've ever done a colpo on.  Well yeah, it was like my 5th one and I was still just 23.  When they told me I needed another LEEP I cried.  I didn't cry because the produced was that painful to me.  But because I had to start all this bull shit again.  

Same goes for my raisin ovaries.  I just don't want to go back to what feels like the beginning.  

CD15, OPK-