Question of Why

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When we try to understand things, whether we believe in God, the universe or whatever, we always ask why.  Why do some people want children so bad but can't have them?  Why do some have miscarriage after miscarriage?  Why do some have to go through procedure after procedure and give themselves shots in the ass for a tiny glimmer of hope?  And then you look at the other side of the track.  Why does the crack whore mum on welfare get five kids?

I really don't know why.  I try not to ask myself "why me?"  I figure it does no good.

There have been quite a few losses this week in the IF blog community, ones that were far past the 12 week safety period.  These women that have gone through multiple treatments and miscarriages.  They now have nothing to show for it.  Yet fertile mertile Betsy flys past with her three kids and prefect pregnancies.  We ask why some have it so easy while others do not?  For the rest of us it makes us super conscious of what could happen if we ever were to get a BFP.  And the last thing you see is an infertile announcing their pregnancy at Facebook at 4 weeks when the pee stick is still wet.

Every once and awhile I ask myself why my body has been so fucked up the last 10 years and why I still have problems.  All I can think of is that it teaches me to appreciate my future child more and be a better mother.  Not saying the fertile mertile doesn't love her children but you get the idea.  That's how I deal.

PS Two week wait!  Trying to fill the time so no one has to hear about the made up PG symptoms I find for the next 13 days.