Sunday, June 3, 2012

World in the Eyes of Fertiles & Infertiles

I saw this story shared on Facebook: Mother Drives With 5-Week-Old on Top of Car.  She was under the influence of drugs so that's a good excuse for forgetting the baby on the roof and driving off.  *sigh*

It's been awhile since I posted one of these Fertiles vs Infertiles.  Last one was in January for my pregnancy week-by-week checklist.

How Fertiles Think:  How Infertiles Think:

Someone who gets pregnant with no medical intervention AND carries to term. The rest of us.
Infertility  Rare, not common.  Comes with questions like: "Have you tired this drug/diet/product/etc?", "Someone I know who knows this person did _ & got pregnant", "Are you sure you're doing it right?" or some comment about God. Welcome! Endo, PCOS, thyroid, unexplained?  Who cares you are one of us!  What procedures, surgeries, or meds have you done?  Starts sharing stories.  
Fertiles [insert some talk about baby showers, gender ultrasounds, strollers, baby food] Naive.  The stuff they say with their lack of knowledge is even funny at time.  Always happy.
Singleton Pregnancy Common, everyone can have one easily. Amazing, our goal.
Twins That's pretty cool. Very common, almost desired.
Triples Amazing. Can be common, exciting, a lot of money/work.
4, 5, 6... OMG!  Lucky almost. Umm, there's a problem.
Miscarriage Rare.  Missed miscarriage doesn't exist.  You know when your baby dies because you'll be gushing blood everywhere. Common, most of us have had several. 
Painful Testing Comes with whining & a FB status post (or two). Suck it up, it's life.
Giving Birth Pain!  Worried about. Whatever!  Who cares anymore?  I have more important things to worry about.
Hoping labour comes early so I can... ... be more comfortable.  I'm in pain & can't sleep. ... hold my baby in my arms & make sure s/he's alive.
Fertility Treatment Needle.  Multiples.  [insert a comment about Jon & Kate Plus 8] Everyday practice for many of us.
Baby Departments at the store Shopping there often, look at all this cute stuff! I refuse to even look.
Baby Shower Cake, decorations, all the stuff people will buy for my baby. Meh...
Cervix Probably the same thing as your ovaries, or "You touch that thing?"High up in vagina, feels like a donut.  Soft when fertile, hard when not.  Gate keeper to womb. 
Ovaries  Probably the same as the cervix.  They are interchangeable. Follicle size needs to be around 20mm when triggering.  
Grass is Greener for: Infertiles.  They have all that money since they don't have to buy diapers.  So lucky to go on cruises & buy new cars.  I'm just stuck here with a screaming baby. Fertiles.  They have free babies without shelling out a lot of money on fertility treatment.  Though it may not be easy at times, they get to watch their children grow.
Baby #2 Going to get pregnant September 2013. If it's not a twin from #1 then the thought doesn't exist.
Semen Analysis Eww your husband jerks off in "public"? My favorite appointments because they are easy & I'm not getting stuck with needles or the internal ultrasound.
Ultrasound you have to drink a lot of water... you're fully dressed... they put this gel on your stomach... then you get to bring home all these photos I pee three minutes before my U/S... "Fully dressed" meaning my nips are not out?  Because the last seven I've had my pants are off & vajayjay out for the world to see  ... WTF is this gel shit?  And they are NOT touching my stomach.  The ultrasound is on my uterus, not stomach... There are no photos.
Fights with the daddy daddy Complains on FB.  Threatens to leave him & have abortion.  < OK, this doesn't always happen.  But pretty amusing when I see it in my newsfeed. Locks myself in a separate room for an hour or two until I calm down.  Then offers to buy Taco Bell for dinner.
Adoption For infertile women & people that like chinese babies.  Free & easy to get. Thousands of newborn babies just waiting for homes today! Possibility.  Need to accept the child might not look like me.  A lot of paperwork & costing 15-60k.  Newborns are rare.  It's not any cheaper to adopt from over countries with travel expenses.  Best bet is to adopt older children.  Might have health problems and/or comes in groups with over siblings.
OPKs Use phone app or other online program to tell when I've ovulating.  Free! Please no more!  Just monitor me with ultrasounds.
Sore Boobs (or any other PG symptom) Preggo! Fucking progesterone.
Ovulation If you're a women you have to ovulate. That has happened a few times in my life.
D&C For abortion. For when the baby you tried so hard for dies.
Irregular Cycles Being 3 or 5 days late. Being 3 or 5 months late.
TTC for a Long Time 3 months Over a year 
TTC for a Really Long Time 4 months 3 years
FMU Fuck My Uggs   First Morning Urine
Acronyms WTF? LMP 4.1.12 CD64 HPT & BW BFN - no AF since MC Vitex #3, waiting for IUI/Clomid/Ovidrel

Fertiles see infertiles as bitter & cruel.  Better than them almost. Infertiles see fertiles as naive & lacking basic pregnancy knowledge.



  1. LOL at "you touch that thing?"! I love these comparisons. Oh and I read the headline the other day of the guy who left his kid in the car while he went and gambled for hours ... he and the baby-on-top-of-car lady would make the perfect couple.

  2. LOL! I so LOVE this post! I love the part about 'free babies'. I think that about my fertile friends all the time. If we're lucky enough to have a child, we will have already well into the 5 digits by then.

    Thanks for the giggle :)

    1. I'm 6 months pregnant now and I do read your blog. I am considering seriously becoming an egg donor in a year or so. I'm happy with the one child. However, the thing I find insulting on your blog is when you write things that put such a mean spirit on ppl who cam conceive. I understand you have the right to feel misfortune but its just really mean! It makes me wonder why I should help infertility couples out since they hate me so much since I'm not infertile. Nevertheless, I think you can be very sour in your posts and its sad.

    2. Liz, I hope you're not referring to Selbe's posts. Fertile couples have said some pretty nasty things to her, about her, etc. She has every right to feel the way she does. If you don't like the tone of her blog posts, don't read them. Selbe is true to her thoughts and feelings and that is to be applauded. Keep it up Selbe. I am a fertile mertyle, but I am an avid reader because you are true in your posts.


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