Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Life is Not Great

Fuck you, Rosie the riveter
"Life is great."  This is what I heard from an older customer at work last right.  She was excited for another grandchild.  I stopped listening after this.  Back to life being great.  Blah.  This person obviously hasn't walked around in my shoes around for any length of time.  My blog anniversary is in early March.  One thing I have learned in the past year: life is not great, life is unfair and cruel and a miserable pit that we are forced to live in everyday.  Only thing we can do is pick up the pieces and move forward.  Try to make today better than the past.

The other thing that took me by surprise is how proud she was.  Growing up I've never felt like my family was proud of me.  Verbal abuse showed me I fucked everything up in life.  Everything good I've ever done was erased with something bad.  I've since left with an overwhelming desire to please my family.  My short lived pregnancy was alright.  However, losing my baby screams FAILURE.  Yet another thing I fucked up in life.

I hate all the happy attention pregnant women get.  I hate all the attention they get in general.

Infertile women and those that have lost a baby get nothing.  Just the suck it up and get over it attitude.  Or "just relax".  

I've kind of withdrawn from some of my friends.  They are at a different point in their life, with a baby or two.  So happy.  I just don't fit in.  I don't have a baby or even pregnant belly to show for it.  I have nothing.

I feel closer to my co-workers if anything.  Just different stages in our life.  

Sorry this is a depressing post.  I've been sick with a cold the last couple days and that puts me in a miserable mood.  

No AF yet.  I did buy these cute nails for good luck for our next TTC cycle.  


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