I'm a Mean Person

I saw this on the Facebook page yesterday for 999 reasons to laugh at infertility:

"Another pregnancy announcement on Facebook. First illogical thought was 'but she just got married...""

Oh the number of times I have thought that very thing.  I have a wide range of thoughts to the sight of a FB announcement, an PG announcement anywhere, or just seeing a pregnant women in public.  Some of these are things I thought of way before I was IF, so I know I'm not the only one.  Others have just made themselves a lot worse with infertility.

• "They just got married."  - WTF?  Do you know how long I've been off birth control? How are they even that quick?
• "They've been married way less time than us." - This is for anyone married after August 8th, 2009 at 4:30pm hawaiian time zone.
• "They aren't even fucking married". - I don't care how long your boyfriend/fiance have been TTC for.  Even though it's 2011 the thought of having a child out of wedlock still doesn't seem right to me.  I guess I'm ol' fashion.
• "She already has (X number of) kids."
• "Are they looking to be the next 19 Kids and Counting?" - BTW, I hate this show, but still watch it from time to time.
• "Seriously fucking again?"
• "She's too young to have a kid." -  For pretty much anyone ~25 and younger.
• "Oh... they're so much older." - Chances of convincing decreases after age 25, 30, 35+.  What's my problem then?
• "Least my child will know mommy has a college education."
• "My husband is older than your husband/boyfriend/fiance/random one night stand."
• Smoking? Illegal drugs? - Smoking also decreases fertility. 
• Getting pregnant on birth control, while using a condom, and the pull out method. - How is that even possible?
• "But they are overweight/underweight?" - Menstrual irregularities are linked with being both under and over weight.  So many IF are told to gain or lose weight to increase their chances.  I sometimes think this is a line of bull since my problems started when I was 105 lbs and continue no matter how fat or skinny I am.  That and I see women way more obese than myself PG.  Sorry to say!  So am I really too fat to have a baby?
• "How do they plan on taking care of this baby if they cant take care of the one they already have?" - Or their cat...
• "Looks like I'm paying for yet another one of your kids."
• "How are they even going to afford this baby?" - Babies are expensive, and I have a good idea how much your husband and you make.  I have an even better idea if you work with my husband.
• "Where are they even going to keep a baby in that apartment?"
• "How did you not know you were pregnant?" - Coming from the person that has taken probably 40 PG tests in the last few months.
• "But you already have an amazing/huge family..." - Two things I don't have.  I can't wait to have my own family.
• "Fucking breeders."
• "How come people can't figure out birth control pills? There's little arrows, take it the same time, EVERY day.  How hard is that?"
• "Congrats." - Only once this has happened to another women I know who was TTC for while and I knew had a miscarriage recently.  

Most of these things are mean.  I judge and compare to myself to see where I fit in.  Or maybe just rationalize why I would be a good parent.  I'm not really sure.

I notice my tolerance in PG women is decreasing.  Ones I see walking around, not ones I know personally.  I wore shorts for the first time in years today.  I really don't like my legs and only bought them to make Bean happy.  Oh course they are super short since that's the style right now.  During my trip to the market and Target yesterday I noticed quite of few people looking at my legs.  Not sure if there is something wrong with my legs or my shorts are really too short.  I saw a very young PG women looking at them as she shopped with her boyfriend.  I immediately got angry and thought, "don't look at me bitch, my body looks better than yours will be for a long time."  As I was leaving I drove past them in my convertible with the top down, and they drove away in their beat up Ford Focus.  Karma got the best of it though because it started raining half way home.  This seems to be the way I cope with my own IF.  The "fuck you" approach.  

A couple weeks ago I posted my goals for this cycle.

1. Paint pottery once a week. - Ok I've done this about every week.
2. Draw each day. - Never even started this.
3. Gym (or some kind of exercise) at least every other day. - Really good at this one.
4. Wake up each day and say today will be a good day. - Forgot about this.
5. Drink more water (less of the flavored/carbonated stuff). - Lots of water/flavored water.  Very little soda and carbonated water.
6. Be nice to those around me, especially the preggos. - Umm read the previous paragraph. 

I actually go to the gym pretty much every day.  I really like the gym, always have.  Sometimes I have to drag myself to get dressed and in the car, but once I get there I'm fine. I do 30 minutes on this elliptical type machine.  And then 15-30 minutes of strength training for my legs, arms or abs.  Plus the gym has better TV channels than I do at home so I'll bounce around on the elliptical or treadmill for an hour or two if there is something good on.

CD23, still no sign of O